I'm really worried about you, brocel. I saw your other post, and this is my opinion on your situation: She is not worth your time, and you should start cutting contact with her, because those feelings are not healthy for you. Any fantasy you have with her, she already did it with another man during her youth, and enjoyed it way too much. It will be difficult for her to feel anything for you, and it's not fair for her either. Your sentiments will not be reciprocated.
Even if it's just "for the experience", I guarantee you that if you meet up, it will probably be awkward. She might be cool on DMs, but IRL, she is another burnout roastie with not much going for her. On the other hand, you are young, you are still building skills, and you still have several years to figure out your future. And right now, you are in a really lonely and vulnerable state, so hear me out: if you get attached to an older woman, you COULD GET MANIPULATED INTO DOING THINGS YOU DO NOT WANT FOR YOURSELF. Even if you don't think it's that serious, the fact that you are making up plans in your mind to visit her shows that you want to commit to her, and your interest keeps growing. It might be a really cute and wholesome idea in your mind, but if you carry it out and it goes wrong, it could ruin your life. SO PLEASE DON'T MEET HER.
Also, try to talk to other women, whether it's online or irl, and doesn't matter if you don't intend to date them. Even talking to your mom will help you not to be so desperate for female attention. You are at a point so low in your life that you will get attached to 30yo fat single moms who live two oceans away, just think about it for a second.
But it's your choice at the end of the day. I apologize if my tone is too condescending. I'm just worried about your safety, because I made a similar mistake when I was 18, and I don't want anyone to go through anything similar.
