I'm extremely avoidant of people. Well, I'm kind of an outcast everywhere I go anyway, but even on the few occasions that people do try to be friendly or whatever, I run like hell, I avoid everybdoy.
But I wasn't always like that. When I was a little child I remember being shy and introverted at first, but when I warmed up to someone I truly got super excited and friendly and hyper.
But over the years, negative experiences made me shut out people entirely. To avoid them altogether, to such extremes that I truly never had any friends, not even online. I even avoid people online.
And it's too bad really. Because in my mind I have this image of me truly trusting someone, playing with them and having fun without judgement or sarcasm or betrayal. It would be so fun to just have a best friend you can trust entirely with everything and just have stupid fun together. And yet no such thing can exist, my trust in people is at 0. Maybe I'm too paranoid by now, but I've been made paranoid. Life experiences made me paranoid, trauma made me not trust people so much. It's really weird how I'm so traumatized, usually it happens to people with a bad home life, but my parents were very loving and caring overall.
But I wasn't always like that. When I was a little child I remember being shy and introverted at first, but when I warmed up to someone I truly got super excited and friendly and hyper.
But over the years, negative experiences made me shut out people entirely. To avoid them altogether, to such extremes that I truly never had any friends, not even online. I even avoid people online.
And it's too bad really. Because in my mind I have this image of me truly trusting someone, playing with them and having fun without judgement or sarcasm or betrayal. It would be so fun to just have a best friend you can trust entirely with everything and just have stupid fun together. And yet no such thing can exist, my trust in people is at 0. Maybe I'm too paranoid by now, but I've been made paranoid. Life experiences made me paranoid, trauma made me not trust people so much. It's really weird how I'm so traumatized, usually it happens to people with a bad home life, but my parents were very loving and caring overall.
