D
So I'll do it in this thread. Ive been having a hard time recently and I hope some self reflection through writing will help. I'm not asking for anyone's attention, advice or comment, but anything you want to leave me is welcome. I am sorry if it's hard to follow or vague.
Last night I had to stay up late working on my anatomy homework despite needing to travel back to school early this morning with my dad driving. I wanted to finish the assignment much earlier, and because of the assignment I even skipped practice on Saturday, which kinda means a lot to me, yet I got no work done on it or any of my other classes that day or the days prior. School was out since the end of Wednesday because of hurricane Florence, so my parents brought me home, as I usually return on weekends. I scored very poorly on my first physiology exam last week, and didn't make the grade I wanted in biochemistry either, and I have lately not been attending lectures since the recordings are available online the same day, however I am not close to up to date. I was very distracted as I worked on my homework, but I ended up getting a good score on it.
After I finished it I got about 3 hours of sleep before I woke up to gather my stuff and eat breakfast. I slept a little in the car and planned to start catching up on lectures and preparing for my anatomy lab tomorrow. The latter is sort of a hard deadline I need to be prepared for by 1500 today (11 hours remain). I slept in the car a bit , but not very well as I was also listening to a stupid podcast I like distracting myself with often.
I arrived at my dorm around 800 and quickly got back into LDARing as soon as my dad left rather than doing any studying. Throughout the day I tried to sleep more at first but it didn't feel very effective. Despite that I probably stayed with my eyes closed until about 1400. I distracted myself with incels.is YouTube, twitch, and I masturbated twice to pornography capriciously. I might have cleaned myself off in the shower around 1700, and this was the only time I left my room today after entering it; I have been using disposable plastic water bottles, 500 ml to satisfy my thirst and my need to urinate, and I have been eating oatmeal, bananas, peanut butter, and pretzels which I have in my room.
I watched one anatomy lecture thoroughly to prepare for lab, but still another remains that I haven't seen at all, though it was covered a bit on the homework I was talking about earlier. Most of the day however I was chasing some sort of instant gratification, even after washing the filth from my body. I would read incels or 8ch, or look for something to watch or listen to on youtube or twitch with most of my time. I feel like an absolute degenerate...
I'd like to spend my time training myself in judo, which I have the opportunity most days, and lifting weights or otherwise conditioning myself as often as possible. I would have the discipline to do those things, but my studies are bearing down on me too much, and I have such an aversion towards working on my studies for an extended period. I really need to get caught up, but salvaging my physiology grade would need a miracle. At the rate I am working I could actually fail. I need to make a change.
A final note, I did not speak a word to anybody after my dad left.
Good night
Last night I had to stay up late working on my anatomy homework despite needing to travel back to school early this morning with my dad driving. I wanted to finish the assignment much earlier, and because of the assignment I even skipped practice on Saturday, which kinda means a lot to me, yet I got no work done on it or any of my other classes that day or the days prior. School was out since the end of Wednesday because of hurricane Florence, so my parents brought me home, as I usually return on weekends. I scored very poorly on my first physiology exam last week, and didn't make the grade I wanted in biochemistry either, and I have lately not been attending lectures since the recordings are available online the same day, however I am not close to up to date. I was very distracted as I worked on my homework, but I ended up getting a good score on it.
After I finished it I got about 3 hours of sleep before I woke up to gather my stuff and eat breakfast. I slept a little in the car and planned to start catching up on lectures and preparing for my anatomy lab tomorrow. The latter is sort of a hard deadline I need to be prepared for by 1500 today (11 hours remain). I slept in the car a bit , but not very well as I was also listening to a stupid podcast I like distracting myself with often.
I arrived at my dorm around 800 and quickly got back into LDARing as soon as my dad left rather than doing any studying. Throughout the day I tried to sleep more at first but it didn't feel very effective. Despite that I probably stayed with my eyes closed until about 1400. I distracted myself with incels.is YouTube, twitch, and I masturbated twice to pornography capriciously. I might have cleaned myself off in the shower around 1700, and this was the only time I left my room today after entering it; I have been using disposable plastic water bottles, 500 ml to satisfy my thirst and my need to urinate, and I have been eating oatmeal, bananas, peanut butter, and pretzels which I have in my room.
I watched one anatomy lecture thoroughly to prepare for lab, but still another remains that I haven't seen at all, though it was covered a bit on the homework I was talking about earlier. Most of the day however I was chasing some sort of instant gratification, even after washing the filth from my body. I would read incels or 8ch, or look for something to watch or listen to on youtube or twitch with most of my time. I feel like an absolute degenerate...
I'd like to spend my time training myself in judo, which I have the opportunity most days, and lifting weights or otherwise conditioning myself as often as possible. I would have the discipline to do those things, but my studies are bearing down on me too much, and I have such an aversion towards working on my studies for an extended period. I really need to get caught up, but salvaging my physiology grade would need a miracle. At the rate I am working I could actually fail. I need to make a change.
A final note, I did not speak a word to anybody after my dad left.
Good night
