I mean , back then , listening to Music or watching a good movie alsways gave me a dopamine rush and made me happy for a short time ,
but lile with every drug i have build up a tolerance for this instant hormonal gratification which just keeps on getting higher and higher .
Nowadays i almost instantly feel ashamed when i start coping with shit like that , cause i know that whenyou listen to music or watch a movie or something luke that , you are essentially cucking yourself cause you kind of surrender and make yourself part of the Reality of someone else instead of imagining and building a new reality for yourself by your own effort .
In other words , the only acceptable and honorable way of coping for me is distracting myself with Thing from MY imagination , like making Music , wwiting something or just daydreaming .
Cause then i dont feel shame or regret and i dont feel like a cuck afterwards .
When i am just a passive consumer of something that someone else has created , i often feel the same shame i feel after masturbating .