I hope it’s over for me soon

[Michael15651]

My liver hurts when I walk. I’ve been doing steroids since October no breaks. I’m on Tren now. I’m hungry but have no appetite. My shit is black. I puke if I eat too much and get nauseous.

Work gave me a warning I’m not performing as well as I used to. They said if I make one more mistake I’m terminated.

I live alone. I’m behind on bills. I talked to my mom but make it seem like everything is okay because I don’t want to worry anyone.

I enrolled for school again today but when I walked into the campus even though everyone was around my age, I felt like I was 40. It’s been 4 years since I’ve been around anyone my age. The tuition will cost me $2,000 in a week. My mortgage is $1,600 that I also have to pay in a week. Plus the oil is $800 for the week.

I’m only getting $1,600 tomorrow. It keeps FUCKING ADDING UP. IT’S TOO FUCKING MUCH. I WISH I WAS FUCKING DEAD.

This is the end, I can feel it coming.

 

[Michael15651]

See a doctor, bro.

All I need is to spend one night cozied up in bed underneath a nice warm blanket, listening to music and playing games I used to play back in high school. Drinking all throughout the night until sunset where I rest my eyes and never wake up.

 

[asuraxia]

why are u even in school now

 

[Michael15651]

why are u even in school now

I don’t want to work in a factory the rest of my life.

A part of me hopes they fire me though. That alone would give me the courage to end it. I’m behind on all these bills, I live alone, and now I have no source of income?

 

[kay']

You need a break from work and everything and just ldar for 15 days at least.

I dont get the appeal of abusing peds, i never did, i really cant understand these gym bros.

Alcohol i understand its a tough addiction like smoking for me.

 

[Michael15651]

You need a break from work and everything and just ldar for 15 days at least.

I dont get the appeal of abusing peds, i never did, i really cant understand these gym bros.

Alcohol i understand its a tough addiction like smoking for me.

Bro I’m actually having a FUCKING MENTAL BREAKDOWN RIGHT NOW.

I’m looking through photo albums of myself when I was younger. In THIS house I grew up in. Except it was 12+ years ago when all my family wa together and I wa happy. My parents were together. Now it’s just me leaving here and everyone is gone.

NOW I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THSI FUCKING BULLSHIT. WITH THE NEWS OF MY DAD GOING TO GAIL. MY WORK GONNA FIRE ME. AHY. Why god… Why does it have to be me.

 

[kay']

Bro I’m actually having a FUCKING MENTAL BREAKDOWN RIGHT NOW.

I’m looking through photo albums of myself when I was younger. In THIS house I grew up in. Except it was 12+ years ago when all my family wa together and I wa happy. My parents were together. Now it’s just me leaving here and everyone is gone.

NOW I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THSI FUCKING BULLSHIT. WITH THE NEWS OF MY DAD GOING TO GAIL. MY WORK GONNA FIRE ME. AHY. Why god… Why does it have to be me.

I understand 2 years ago i was looking at my old pictures when i had health and money and i cried all day too.

It will pass, you need a break from everything and just play videogames all day or watch a funny series.

Also fuck ur work if they fire u then thats better u can find something else now with a better cv and u can relax abit

 

[Michael15651]

Turns out it isn’t the steroids but severe dehydration. All last night been puking my guts out well into this morning.

Even passed out at least a dozen times.

Makes sense since my lab work showed my liver and everything was fine a week ago and I only drink once a week

 

[Michael15651]

YOU FUCKED IT UP. I WISH I COULD GO BACK IN TIME TO THIS NIGHT. I WOULD’VE BEEN DEAD BY NOW.