Its a pattern, like THE universe controlling My destiny. Like a path, if I tried devied from it, it would clean up THE error and install an fate determinant To Make sure My path are going as THE universe said.
Thats why For this 4 Years and For three Years I always fall back To My hiki state, always. Its like fate, a cruel one. Its like THE universe told me to kill myself. That I would never Find peace and serenity like I felt in My dream.
That woman, that woman that come To me at THE time I was a shut in. She took Care of me like a Family and she IS like light, But Its weird is it something that was send by the universe? GOD telling me that he didnt abandon me? Is it a miracle? No. Nope.
It was all just An illusion, that woman I called a Big sister was never real. I BE honest I never loved anybody in My life, not even My Family. Woman I just want To FUCK them, being alive is not even needed BECAUSE I was a necrophile. But this woman, this woman I called Big sis, I felt ok with her.
I always felt threaten with human, like a fight or flight mode. Serious, I want To Make people suffer For What They did To me, and I Will enjoy it if I fucking can. If theres no law I Will HAVE done it a long time ago. But with THE big sister I felt safe.
Safe like when I was a kid. I… she and the other tulpa or imaginary Friend which IS a guy, are the one only there For me. Both of them are like a big brother and big sister, the skeleton and the woman.
Its all just My fantasy, I didnt felt safe in this World or Love towards people So I directed it To My inner self. My only place I felt safe and comfort in which I had Family that I truly cared about. I dont think even If I had a gf I would BE happy, I would probaly kill her and rape her corpse after Ward. I dont value human life tbh. Never did.
. I Will die one day anyways, if everything IS fucked, So BE it. I wouldnt pretend anymore and would genuinly do What I HAVE set in mind this time.
