Blancmange
Officer
★★
- Joined
- Jun 20, 2018
- Posts
- 653
I've been doing a lot of work (ie exercise and healthy living) to try and stop myself from committing suicide, but as usual I have fallen into another depressive suicidal rut.
No matter how much I try I can't reconcile my lonely and horrible past, it drives me insane, I will never find true happiness because the memories & regret haunt me every second. it's almost like I grieve for my younger self.
Today I scouted out the neighborhood in search of a perfect tree to hang myself from, whether I will or not is still being debated in my mind, however it's nice to know that the tree is there waiting should I decide to do it.
The tree is in a wooded area and one of it's boughs hangs over an overgrown public pathway.
I'm pretty sure that if I did commit suicide it would be a 'spur of the moment' decision which is what I'm afraid of.
No matter how much I try I can't reconcile my lonely and horrible past, it drives me insane, I will never find true happiness because the memories & regret haunt me every second. it's almost like I grieve for my younger self.
Today I scouted out the neighborhood in search of a perfect tree to hang myself from, whether I will or not is still being debated in my mind, however it's nice to know that the tree is there waiting should I decide to do it.
The tree is in a wooded area and one of it's boughs hangs over an overgrown public pathway.
I'm pretty sure that if I did commit suicide it would be a 'spur of the moment' decision which is what I'm afraid of.