I was the last born in my family
and since then no other child was born .
I guess its normal for people to have some experience with small children or babies ,
like hold them , or play with them or something , like when u have friends or extended family and they have a child ,
but i literally never once had an interaction with them .
I wouldnt even know what to do if a child wanted to play with me or something ,
cause im a stone faced , emotionless inkwell .
Thats why im afraid of children ,
cause they have no filter compared to teens or adults .
When i deal with adults i can just run my pretender routine and act like a robot to appear somewhat normal ,
but i think children act more instinctual , they see right through that .
I am afraid of small children , cause they can see through my facade .
When i encounter them in the supermarket or something when they are with their parents ,
they look at me and sometimes they start crying .
Maybe they are afraid , maybe its an instinctual reaction to a subhuman with a stone cold expression .
Maybe i seem like someone who got nothing to lose and might snap at any minute . Idk .
But i never once had a child smile at me or something ,
they alway react with fear or disgust .
And the Parents instinctually place themselves between me and the child when i walk by ,
as if i was some kind of sex offender JFL .
insinctually picking up on bad vibes .
its over .
I feel like i am not part of this world , like i dont belong here .
and since then no other child was born .
I guess its normal for people to have some experience with small children or babies ,
like hold them , or play with them or something , like when u have friends or extended family and they have a child ,
but i literally never once had an interaction with them .
I wouldnt even know what to do if a child wanted to play with me or something ,
cause im a stone faced , emotionless inkwell .
Thats why im afraid of children ,
cause they have no filter compared to teens or adults .
When i deal with adults i can just run my pretender routine and act like a robot to appear somewhat normal ,
but i think children act more instinctual , they see right through that .
I am afraid of small children , cause they can see through my facade .
When i encounter them in the supermarket or something when they are with their parents ,
they look at me and sometimes they start crying .
Maybe they are afraid , maybe its an instinctual reaction to a subhuman with a stone cold expression .
Maybe i seem like someone who got nothing to lose and might snap at any minute . Idk .
But i never once had a child smile at me or something ,
they alway react with fear or disgust .
And the Parents instinctually place themselves between me and the child when i walk by ,
as if i was some kind of sex offender JFL .
insinctually picking up on bad vibes .
its over .
I feel like i am not part of this world , like i dont belong here .
