S
I have ran out of copes to use, guys.
Everything seems to be absolute shit, I do not enjoy my pc anymore, weed does not do anything for me anymore (have been trying 1 and 2 week t-breaks - ok for day or 2, but not more), I get sick when thinking of drinking more alcohol, no money left to throw at bums to make them fight each other, no family to ask for help as well...
I guess this is the result of running away from my incledom, you can only run so far.
I became aware that something is wrong with me quite early on, the disgust of woman which sees ugly guy confronting her is burned in to my memories over and over again.
Countless comments from classmates and "friends" have shown me exactly what is wrong with me - my damn appearance!
Been coping with all kinds of things, from drugs to motosports - everything gets bleak after some time, if you are doing it alone, because others do not really want to be seen together with you.
I have lost passion for my hobbies, only thing that brings me some joy is woodworking...
Maybe I will apply for some outreagous military service as french foreign legion, past army experience could help a lot and I hear that they are being dropped in to conflict zones after mere months of training - if I could handle training and would not die during first days of deployment, I think that I could find some sliver of primal excitement while butchering 3rd world partisans or what not.
Everything seems to be absolute shit, I do not enjoy my pc anymore, weed does not do anything for me anymore (have been trying 1 and 2 week t-breaks - ok for day or 2, but not more), I get sick when thinking of drinking more alcohol, no money left to throw at bums to make them fight each other, no family to ask for help as well...
I guess this is the result of running away from my incledom, you can only run so far.
I became aware that something is wrong with me quite early on, the disgust of woman which sees ugly guy confronting her is burned in to my memories over and over again.
Countless comments from classmates and "friends" have shown me exactly what is wrong with me - my damn appearance!
Been coping with all kinds of things, from drugs to motosports - everything gets bleak after some time, if you are doing it alone, because others do not really want to be seen together with you.
I have lost passion for my hobbies, only thing that brings me some joy is woodworking...
Maybe I will apply for some outreagous military service as french foreign legion, past army experience could help a lot and I hear that they are being dropped in to conflict zones after mere months of training - if I could handle training and would not die during first days of deployment, I think that I could find some sliver of primal excitement while butchering 3rd world partisans or what not.
