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i don't think i'm neurotypical at all, i find it difficult understanding others and how they feel, i also struggle with empathy, i don't think i lack empathy, but it's so hard to understand the feelings of others that maybe it's accurate to say i do lack empathy. i usually just ask people how they feel since i can't tell at all, i don't think i can interpret emotions well in the slightest lol. throughout my life, many personal experiences & observations have confirmed to me that i'm mildly autistic. even two different social circles in the past have genuinely asked me if i was on the spectrum.
i just spoke to my dad about autism because i wanted to know if he understood what it meant. i believe my dad is even more autistic than i am as it appears his ability to communicate is terrible. he always speaks for long durations in conversations, as if he were delivering a lecture, and his sentences do not have any narrative at all, you would not be able to understand what point he is trying to make, or how the topics link or relate to each other from sentence to sentence. he also seems to have a little grandiose narcissism, he always explicitly states how he is superior to others as he has a high ego and is smarter than everyone else. yet, his wife & daughter don't really love him (there is no real family warmth, no one in the family talks to each other, we're all practically strangers as we all don't even talk, how sad) and he lives a pretty miserable life working everyday. i can't even begin to imagine how his brain has managed to develop such high levels of coping protection, i think my dad is the strongest mental coper out there. he got neglected by his parents & treated harshly, his dad and brothers were mildly autistic too. i am writing this because i think it's incredibly sad that i will never be able to blackpill my dad as his core beliefs in life are hard work & discipline along with all the other bluepill & redpill copes.
since we are both autistic, i think i am able to relate to him better as we both function & think similarly. i believe he bears great mental suffering as he doesn't have the blackpill answers to his questions about why so many things happen the way they do. he just uses religion or some other faulty logic to reason & explain things. when people fail to understand him, he believes that it's the peoples' fault for not understanding him. he believes that his explanations & logic are flawless. i wish i could blackpill him so he will no longer live without knowing the truth about this world.
i just felt like writing to feel better, maybe some of you are in a similar position with me. i tried dating apps again, i downloaded 4 of them. it's been 3 days and i got a few matches but zero conversations. i think it's safe to conclude my height & face are not attractive enough to be sexually desired by females. the only hope i have left is to leanmax and try again in the future. even in university, i approached like 15 girls, some of them i asked if they wanted to eat together after class, or if they wanted to be friends. all of them rejected me to a meal but all exchanged social media or phone numbers, but conversations didn't go anywhere. i think my combined face+height and autism makes it impossible to succeed with females. i don't even get along well with males. today i learned that there are 3 types of friendships according to aristotle, friendships of pleasure, utility, and virtue. i used to have some friendships of pleasure where we did drugs and party but not anymore since they are richer & i got more autistic, we have drifted apart now. i have no friendships of utility as i do not provide any value which benefits others. and i am not a virtuous or good person with morals so i don't really have friendships of virtue. the few friends i have are from highschool and even we don't talk as much anymore. i can't make new friends coz i'm not neurotypical enough. i wish my autism made me high iq enough so i could understand difficulty math theory & concepts so at least i can moneymax and succeed in a stem field, but my math abilities are bad. i tried learning python but i could not grasp it well. i am rotting at home playing hentai video games. at least i still find pleasure in something. i think the novelty of it will run out soon and i will be left rotting in bed.
give me some advice brocels, i'm willing to hear anything you got to say
i just spoke to my dad about autism because i wanted to know if he understood what it meant. i believe my dad is even more autistic than i am as it appears his ability to communicate is terrible. he always speaks for long durations in conversations, as if he were delivering a lecture, and his sentences do not have any narrative at all, you would not be able to understand what point he is trying to make, or how the topics link or relate to each other from sentence to sentence. he also seems to have a little grandiose narcissism, he always explicitly states how he is superior to others as he has a high ego and is smarter than everyone else. yet, his wife & daughter don't really love him (there is no real family warmth, no one in the family talks to each other, we're all practically strangers as we all don't even talk, how sad) and he lives a pretty miserable life working everyday. i can't even begin to imagine how his brain has managed to develop such high levels of coping protection, i think my dad is the strongest mental coper out there. he got neglected by his parents & treated harshly, his dad and brothers were mildly autistic too. i am writing this because i think it's incredibly sad that i will never be able to blackpill my dad as his core beliefs in life are hard work & discipline along with all the other bluepill & redpill copes.
since we are both autistic, i think i am able to relate to him better as we both function & think similarly. i believe he bears great mental suffering as he doesn't have the blackpill answers to his questions about why so many things happen the way they do. he just uses religion or some other faulty logic to reason & explain things. when people fail to understand him, he believes that it's the peoples' fault for not understanding him. he believes that his explanations & logic are flawless. i wish i could blackpill him so he will no longer live without knowing the truth about this world.
i just felt like writing to feel better, maybe some of you are in a similar position with me. i tried dating apps again, i downloaded 4 of them. it's been 3 days and i got a few matches but zero conversations. i think it's safe to conclude my height & face are not attractive enough to be sexually desired by females. the only hope i have left is to leanmax and try again in the future. even in university, i approached like 15 girls, some of them i asked if they wanted to eat together after class, or if they wanted to be friends. all of them rejected me to a meal but all exchanged social media or phone numbers, but conversations didn't go anywhere. i think my combined face+height and autism makes it impossible to succeed with females. i don't even get along well with males. today i learned that there are 3 types of friendships according to aristotle, friendships of pleasure, utility, and virtue. i used to have some friendships of pleasure where we did drugs and party but not anymore since they are richer & i got more autistic, we have drifted apart now. i have no friendships of utility as i do not provide any value which benefits others. and i am not a virtuous or good person with morals so i don't really have friendships of virtue. the few friends i have are from highschool and even we don't talk as much anymore. i can't make new friends coz i'm not neurotypical enough. i wish my autism made me high iq enough so i could understand difficulty math theory & concepts so at least i can moneymax and succeed in a stem field, but my math abilities are bad. i tried learning python but i could not grasp it well. i am rotting at home playing hentai video games. at least i still find pleasure in something. i think the novelty of it will run out soon and i will be left rotting in bed.
give me some advice brocels, i'm willing to hear anything you got to say
