The time I spend trying to sleep is usually the most depressing time of the day because I stay with my thoughts without nothing to distract me. All sorts of depressive thoughts come to my mind. The feeling of missing life, loneliness, lack of experience, anxiety about the future and the worst one realization that it will always go on like this. Everything I escape from during the day comes and hits me. I wriggle in pain for at least an hour in bed and after realizing that I can't stand it any longer, I go back to the computer and spend the whole night there. this has been the case for years. only if I drink alcohol I can sleep peacefully, but I cannot continue to drinking. I wish I had an off button and didn't have to go through all this torture.
