
Deleted member 8353
Former Hikikomori, Aimless Pleasure Seeker
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- Joined
- May 29, 2018
- Posts
- 9,335
Do you ever stop to ask yourselves why you really want something? I mean in my case all I have left, at least all that makes me incel as opposed to volcel, is some abstract sort of desire for females. Yet when I take a few minutes, really ask myself why I want them, I can't think of a single good reason.
I mean I don't feel lonely anymore, so that can't be it, not to mention that I don't even really like irl interactions. As for children, I especially don't want them. On some level I feel inadequate due to being a khhv, due to no females ever wanting me, but that's more like an imposed sort of inferiority due to societal expectations, rather than something coming innately from me. So I guess that leaves sexual pleasure, however I've never even had sex. So it's not a sort of pleasure that I feel I miss, but one that I instinctively expect. Do you see what's happening here? My brain is tricking me into making me believe that I want something, yet were i to actually get it, the goalpost would just be moved and maybe I'd stop wanting it, but more likely this would just make me crave sex even more.
Tbh I can't stand when I get possessed with the desire to have this illusory carrot, it makes me forget what I already have, and it makes my anhedonia even worse due to not feeling like the joys I have access to are worthwhile. Essentially this makes me feel artificially worse about my life and the things I enjoy, by contrasting both to some preconception created by my instincts which doesn't really exist anyway. Besides that, even if I looked better, I'm probably way too far gone for this sort of stuff anyway, at least when talking about having any sort of functional relationship with a female.
However the one positive to all of this is that, partly due to obsessing over sex recently, I've regained motivation which I can use to pursue the things that I actually want.
I mean I don't feel lonely anymore, so that can't be it, not to mention that I don't even really like irl interactions. As for children, I especially don't want them. On some level I feel inadequate due to being a khhv, due to no females ever wanting me, but that's more like an imposed sort of inferiority due to societal expectations, rather than something coming innately from me. So I guess that leaves sexual pleasure, however I've never even had sex. So it's not a sort of pleasure that I feel I miss, but one that I instinctively expect. Do you see what's happening here? My brain is tricking me into making me believe that I want something, yet were i to actually get it, the goalpost would just be moved and maybe I'd stop wanting it, but more likely this would just make me crave sex even more.
Tbh I can't stand when I get possessed with the desire to have this illusory carrot, it makes me forget what I already have, and it makes my anhedonia even worse due to not feeling like the joys I have access to are worthwhile. Essentially this makes me feel artificially worse about my life and the things I enjoy, by contrasting both to some preconception created by my instincts which doesn't really exist anyway. Besides that, even if I looked better, I'm probably way too far gone for this sort of stuff anyway, at least when talking about having any sort of functional relationship with a female.
However the one positive to all of this is that, partly due to obsessing over sex recently, I've regained motivation which I can use to pursue the things that I actually want.