I had a dream last night, as dumb as it sounds I was in something similar to the squid games.
In the dream, I essentially lost a game, and they told me to put my hands above my head, and I heard a gunshot, and a slight flash of white, and in that moment I couldn't be happier.
I then woke up (in the dream) in my bed, where i realized that when you die, you just "respawn" for lack of a better explanation.
I cant stop thinking about that dream, and I know it may sound odd or cringe, but whenever I think about a bullet just killing me instantaneously, i feel better. Or when I imagine my room empty, with me returning to it, I begin to smile.
I'm not the type to say that I think the world would be better without me in it, but I do think that my existence doesn't matter all that much.
Meaning that my "non-existence" wouldn't affect the world at all. And it just sounds heavenly, not having to wake up to see my shitty dark skin, or my horrible looking body, (despite working out and losing over 100 pounds, it still looks like shit, i can't look how I want) or having to go through the struggle of finding a job that will actually pay me a liveable wage, or going outside to see foids who look at me with disdain, or having to see couples, or seeing online posts about happy people, or some bluepilled fuck telling me that life is "wonderful" and that I just "have to put myself out there."
No more struggle, no more comparison, no more pain, no more loneliness, no more headache, no more suffering. I don't want to do this anymore, and I haven't wanted to for a long time now. I've recently been looking up how much it costs for a gun, and how old I need to be in order to purchase one. Just thinking about it makes me happy, that's probably a bad thing to say but the freedom from this fucking awful existence outweighs anything that this world has ever given to me.
Sorry for yapping. I hope I can get out of here soon.
In the dream, I essentially lost a game, and they told me to put my hands above my head, and I heard a gunshot, and a slight flash of white, and in that moment I couldn't be happier.
I then woke up (in the dream) in my bed, where i realized that when you die, you just "respawn" for lack of a better explanation.
I cant stop thinking about that dream, and I know it may sound odd or cringe, but whenever I think about a bullet just killing me instantaneously, i feel better. Or when I imagine my room empty, with me returning to it, I begin to smile.
I'm not the type to say that I think the world would be better without me in it, but I do think that my existence doesn't matter all that much.
Meaning that my "non-existence" wouldn't affect the world at all. And it just sounds heavenly, not having to wake up to see my shitty dark skin, or my horrible looking body, (despite working out and losing over 100 pounds, it still looks like shit, i can't look how I want) or having to go through the struggle of finding a job that will actually pay me a liveable wage, or going outside to see foids who look at me with disdain, or having to see couples, or seeing online posts about happy people, or some bluepilled fuck telling me that life is "wonderful" and that I just "have to put myself out there."
No more struggle, no more comparison, no more pain, no more loneliness, no more headache, no more suffering. I don't want to do this anymore, and I haven't wanted to for a long time now. I've recently been looking up how much it costs for a gun, and how old I need to be in order to purchase one. Just thinking about it makes me happy, that's probably a bad thing to say but the freedom from this fucking awful existence outweighs anything that this world has ever given to me.
Sorry for yapping. I hope I can get out of here soon.
