Earlier this year when I came home after getting kicked out of the military I met a family on the way back home at the airport that had girls. I talked to them and was chatting with them, then this blonde white dude came into the picture who was boarding the same flight as us, quickly attracting them and taking their attention away from me utterly. He was easily HTN+ and was actually mogging me. Not like a stupid BP Tik Tok edit where it shows a clip of an ugly individual then shows PSL gods, but genuinely a situation where a dude got all the attention from the girls away from me making me completely invisible. Later on the family decided to walk around exploring the airport and invited me to go with them. While walking with them one of the girls is already holding hands with the guy and playing with his hair, kissing him showing affection, love, and adoration for this dude who she had just met in the span of a couple of hours. I stand there just thinking no way I actually got to witness this happen in front if my very eyes, the trucel life will never leave me, I just think of all the BP edits, Wheat Waffles, Face and LMS content and just know that it’s all too real. After getting kicked out of the military and witnessing this right after showed me what my life will be like forever and what it always will be. Being the outcast, never enjoying life, constant self pity, missing out on all the experiences everyone else is having. I’m 20 struggling to find a job, still never dated, never even kissed a girl, tried the military and it went horribly wrong, have no passion or desire to get a degree or learn a trade, still wanted to rejoin the military and do better but it’s complete red tape and is an endeavor that’s not for me and I’m just coping, barely have friends who I rarely hang out with because they are always busy, and I’m just completely afraid to leave my bubble, bc of the constant negative experiences I have in life. The only thing I have good really is a family that has unconditional love and support for me which makes me feel broken, I don’t want to be under their roofs forever or want to be dependent on them forever. This shit is having a bad strain on my mother who works and lives knowing I’m not doing okay and not progressing. I don’t have a job, don’t go to school or do anything, I have absolutely nothing to look forward to each waking day, besides going out to eat, walks, and gooning. And that’s all it is, when can I get something to eat and goon again and again. Ts sucks bro, and I honestly don’t think it’s gonna get any better. Who feels the same?
