Serious I fluctuate between feeling evil and feeling like a cuck(narcissistic personality disorder)

[Choler]

I have some brutal mental disorders, ADHD, C-PTSD and NPD(Narcissistic personality disorder), thanks to these mental disorders and especially NPD, i usually fluctuate between being evil as fuck, not caring about anything, being low inhib, bullying, putting other people down and even beating up people to the point i got the cops called on me, to my other state where i feel like a cuck, depressed, sad, in absolute despair and agony

I call these 2 states "malignant state" and "cuck state", when i am on my cuck state that's when i rot on incel and blackpill forums the most, and i feel so fucking bad guys, it's a mental pain that i think no one here will ever experience, it's deep and extreme despair and anguish

When i'm on my malignant state there's no sadness, the only "bad" feeling i feel is hatred and disgust towards humanity, and that feels good tbh, but on my cuck state where i am right now, i feel like shit, i can't do anything and my mind tortures me 24/7 non stop, it's brutal guys, i really hope i can go back to my normal evil state as soon as possible

I would like to know if anyone else here has a personality disorder or have this fluctuation too, and how can we cope with this

Spoiler: guys who might be interested on this topic

@GeckoBus
@Ryo_Hazuki
@Destroyed lonely

 

[Failed Pullout]

So your kinda like a bipolar foid on IT?

 

[Poopless One]

Dnr

 

[Choler]

So your kinda like a bipolar foid on IT?

not quite but it has some similarities, narcissist people fluctuates between grandiosity and vulnerability based on external validation or ego injury, bipolar shifts between mania and depression due to biological mood dysregulation

 

[Choler]

Dnr

i don't want negroes reading my threads anyway

 

[Poopless One]

i don't want negroes reading my threads anyway
View attachment 1432093

being evil as fuck, not caring about anything, being low inhib, bullying, putting other people down and even beating up people to the point i got the cops called on me,

Ok wigger fag

 

[Emba]

i want niggers reading my threads
View attachment 1432093

 

[intothewild]

Goddamn you're a basketcase

 

[pizzamaxxer]

same but I don't beat people

 

[Choler]

Goddamn you're a basketcase

indeed

 

[Choler]

same but I don't beat people

do u have a personality disorder too?

 

[Leonardo Part V]

Ur a cuck

 

[pizzamaxxer]

do u have a personality disorder too?

yes sire

 

[thegoonk]

I have some brutal mental disorders, ADHD, C-PTSD and NPD(Narcissistic personality disorder), thanks to these mental disorders and especially NPD, i usually fluctuate between being evil as fuck, not caring about anything, being low inhib, bullying, putting other people down and even beating up people to the point i got the cops called on me, to my other state where i feel like a cuck, depressed, sad, in absolute despair and agony

I call these 2 states "malignant state" and "cuck state", when i am on my cuck state that's when i rot on incel and blackpill forums the most, and i feel so fucking bad guys, it's a mental pain that i think no one here will ever experience, it's deep and extreme despair and anguish

When i'm on my malignant state there's no sadness, the only "bad" feeling i feel is hatred and disgust towards humanity, and that feels good tbh, but on my cuck state where i am right now, i feel like shit, i can't do anything and my mind tortures me 24/7 non stop, it's brutal guys, i really hope i can go back to my normal evil state as soon as possible

I would like to know if anyone else here has a personality disorder or have this fluctuation too, and how can we cope with this

Spoiler: guys who might be interested on this topic

@GeckoBus
@Ryo_Hazuki
@Destroyed lonely

Npd is one of the worst. You just gotta be self aware and it will go away

 

[Choler]

Npd is one of the worst. You just gotta be self aware and it will go away

becoming self aware turned me into a cuck, i dont want it to go away, i want to stay in the grandiosity state forever

 

[thegoonk]

becoming self aware turned me into a cuck, i dont want it to go away, i want to stay in the grandiosity state forever

You said it yourself it has more downsides. And i assume u wanna stay in it forever so u dont get to be in the cuck state? Then get rid of both of them

 

[Choler]

You said it yourself it has more downsides. And i assume u wanna stay in it forever so u dont get to be in the cuck state? Then get rid of both of them

but what would happen? u develop NPD in childhood as a shield to protect ur inner self who is an abused weak bitch, i dont want to be like this

i think of my NPD like its the black spiderman suit

if i take it off ill just be a major abused cuck, i need it to defend myself, i just gotta learn how to use this shit and never go to the vulnerable state again

 

[glutty]

 

[Rasama]

You inject T right? Maybe that causes mood swings

 

[Choler]

You inject T right? Maybe that causes mood swings

yes i inject T but just trt dose rn, my hormones are in check, what causes the mood swings is my fucked up abused dog brain

 

[Destroyed lonely]

The real problem with narcissistic grandiosity is that it's created purely out of insecurity, inferiority, incompetence, discomfort,... and being in total DENIAL about it, like you people think soooo high of yourselves while objectively you're not even GOOD, meanwhile there are so many people out there who are million times more superior than you in every way but feel NOTHING

I wouldn't mind narcissists if they were at least GOOD enough individuals (I mean as in skill, decency, intelligence, hobbies, aesthetics,... not just morality), I have never seen a narcissist who is passionate about anything except playing destructive and weird mind games with other people to be the center of attention, so not only you're evil, you're also BORING, unfunny and overall not interesting, but that's exactly the thing, you are narcissistic BECAUSE you're not even "good", if you were even remotely close to what your delusions tell you, you wouldn't feel narcissistic, you're a peasant that likes to roleplay the king, narcissism is the COPE of subhumans who don't have the ability to grieve properly and achieve a little bit of acceptance (the evolutionary reason for this is that acceptance would've meant death to you so your lizard brain rejected it, while normal people felt safe enough to consider accepting brutal facts while preventing activation of their primal fear)

I know narcissists will never change but understand that your narcissism makes you even more subhuman than what you would be without it, it's like an OCD person who does retarded OCD activities and it always feels "right" to them no matter how ridiculous and insufferable it looks from the outside, your narcissistic compass overrides every opposing voice in your head because it's the main thing you ARE, that's the difference between a personality disorder and a mental illness, a mental illness is an otherwise normal person suffering from a condition while people with personality disorders are the disease itself, they are the voice of disorder, not the one hearing it

You don't even need empathy to understand that you are dirt, you're not significant, you will die, you will rot, you will be NOTHING, your disorder is not a superpower that gives you advantage over other people, it's a disability that makes you inferior to other people

Also, understanding that majority of people are scum isn't exclusive to narcissists, a true empath hates people even more than you because they understand their inferiority better, but the difference is on the rare occasion the empath finds a decent person they appreciate and nurture that person by empowering their autonomy while you niggas will see only weakness and an opportunity to practice your evil games and torture them

So many people have suffered way more than you but didn't become narcissists, and it's the fact that you think they've had good and fair lives that pisses me off

My question is, If by definition you have no love for anything outside of yourself why do you even complain about inceldom? the main desire of incels is true connection which you don't even feel like you need, and if you do get any connection you'll only abuse it for the entertainment of the demon in your head

You deserve nothing as long as acceptance is not an option for you