Venting I feel worse about my past even as more time passes

[Deleted member 8353]

You'd think that being distanced from events by many years would make you care less about them, but I've consistently had the opposite experience. I can barely even cope with escapism anymore, and lately I've been alternating between what seems to be the precipice of total madness, and being so depressed or angry that I can't concentrate on anything else. Basically anything at all which serves as a reminder of how much of a failure I am is enough to set me off, and seeing people I knew from childhood/adolescence is by far the worst. For instance a couple weeks ago I saw a former classmate at a store and it made me so angry that I realized I was biting the inside of my cheek until I bled.

I believe it's starting to slowly drive me insane, as the more I become angry and depressed about my absolute joke of a life, the more dissociated I feel overall. Five years ago I was nowhere near this bad, as I could still cope with video games and anime, for the most part I was successful in regards to not thinking about reality.

I feel like I'm already dead tbh, I feel like I've been dead for about 8 years.

 

[GreaseCel]

It only gets worse.

 

[jerrycan dan]

I'm gonna sui if I reach this point

 

[Joelossus]

I hope that i will either have solved something out, or have already killed myself, before i reach that point.

 

[_wifebeater_]

I know that feeling, but on the other hand, there's nothing I could have done about it, no missed opportunities etc, it was just over from the beginning.

 

[Deleted member 8353]

I know that feeling, but on the other hand, there's nothing I could have done about it, no missed opportunities etc, it was just over from the beginning.

Yeah I don't regret anything, in fact I think the idea itself is stupid. Of course it's pretty difficult to feel regret when one of the reasons this shit bothers me so much partly because I never even felt like I had control in the first place. [email protected] normies telling me to somehow bootstraps myself out of this, they're lucky enough to never be capable of fully understanding this feeling.

 

[Coregame3]

You'd think that being distanced from events by many years would make you care less about them, but I've consistently had the opposite experience. I can barely even cope with escapism anymore, and lately I've been alternating between what seems to be the precipice of total madness, and being so depressed or angry that I can't concentrate on anything else. Basically anything at all which serves as a reminder of how much of a failure I am is enough to set me off, and seeing people I knew from childhood/adolescence is by far the worst. For instance a couple weeks ago I saw a former classmate at a store and it made me so angry that I realized I was biting the inside of my cheek until I bled.

I believe it's starting to slowly drive me insane, as the more I become angry and depressed about my absolute joke of a life, the more dissociated I feel overall. Five years ago I was nowhere near this bad, as I could still cope with video games and anime, for the most part I was successful in regards to not thinking about reality.

I feel like I'm already dead tbh, I feel like I've been dead for about 8 years.

I've been dead for around 6 years but these past 3 have been shit

 

[Beaverino]

My past is all errors, relative to what I wanted in life. I don't regret anything anymore, as it is a futile endeavor to think about it. I know what I must do now...

 

[Lonelycel]

I'm gonna sui if I reach this point

 

[Kirito3]

Do you mind explaining why seeing that classmate made you angry? If it’s too touchy a subject to talk about that’s okay too.

 

[Deleted member 8353]

Do you mind explaining why seeing that classmate made you angry? If it’s too touchy a subject to talk about that’s okay too.

Him in particular? Well he once pretended to be my friend, pretty much just to better mock and humiliate me. But it's not even so much what he did specifically, it's just that seeing him reminded me of being in school, where I was attacked and tormented daily, years of that more or less ruined my mind.

 

[DarkMTS_57]

You clearly have too much time on your hands to be thinking about your past.
Look forward to the things you want to do, and stop being a whining faggot.