I have since I was 13 years old not expected to live past 25. My life has had big positives and big negatives. I have since then given murder, suicide and 'other' 1/3 chance of killing me each. I've healthily had some morbid thoughts. I've wanted to know what its like to put a knife between the bones of my lower arm since then and I've wanted to try to bite one of my fingers off for a few years. I've planned to experiment a bit with my body on the day of my departure. I've wanted to test where on my neck I can cut with a knife and survive.
I have a high pain threshold and a hardened mind. Something awakened in me today and I started fantasising about what I could test on myself. I had had not done it as such before.
I would probably go out in the forest with a knife, a mirror, a will and my phone before I would go through with it. I would might even post some pics here in a goodbye post. I've been searching for some streamed suicides but been mostly unsuccessful. You may help me with this. I will not stream any murder or suicide. My potential suicide will likely occur after my 1000th post here if ever. If I don't post here during 2021, you can assume that I have induced death in at least myself.
Politics has been my biggest cope but I'm selfless and the world will go on without me which it should not as human life should not exist. It has been said that the end of a human life is the end of a world. It would seem like that to the person who thinks only about itself and its own success but I think about the whole world in which I despite my work and my thoughts am negligible. My kind is being cast out and genocided anyway. We will not exist anymore in 100 years.
I'm essentially finished as I've eaten all types of food I want to eat and so on regarding most subjects. I'm a healthy mind in a sea of normies. Everyone who haven't planned suicide or murder hypothetically in some form is an idiot. I want my ashes to be spread in the forest of my beloved home, my nation which I am a separatist of.
Truth is a virtue and theology is a serious subject that should be respected. There does not, to me seem to exist anything supernatural, nor has it for the latter half of my life. The idea of an afterlife appears, to me, to, often unjustly, chain the greats to the world when they would otherwise have killed themselves. They can then help others with their hardened clearly thinking minds. It is adaptable to the group although it is basically immoral which explains why it exists in the big adaptable religions although it as a rule is unjust.
I have imagined the fight between a morally justified god and a god of materiality as a metaphor for how the world is materially consistent but morally apathetic.
The first god would be valiant and justified but the god of matter, existence and consistency had just that and won. The world would be justified, perfect and not follow the logical, or abstract laws of this world had the god of morality won. There would be an un-graspable moral which would justify the world in all ways and make joy and everything positive infinite everywhere for all time. There would also not be any humans.
The earth is the prison of the moral, the playground of the immoral and the crematorium of the dead. To me, to live is to serve. To the immoral, to live is to enjoy yourself at the expense of the world. It is a basic male instinct to remove yourself when you no longer have a positive effect on your in group. I have with my thoughts and my craft improved the world how I can but I'm essentially finished.
My sympathy goes to that which deserve it; my judgement goes to that which deserve to be judged. You have my sympathy if you do what's right or deserve better weather I know about you or not and vice versa. The same is true for the whole world.
This is not a goodbye post; I plan to continue posting until I have made 1000 posts in total or more. I have now made around 900 posts. I'm 24 years old.
EDIT: I'd like to add that I worked at a suicide hotline in my own country. It was just one fleeting of many parts of the job. I worked at a hospital. The most likely person to answer is an old un-empathic misandric woman who works for the government to gossip while the tax payers must pay for it. She would have mediocre IQ at best. They told me it was forbidden to tell them to kill themselves and that being suicidal was a disease. It was a government suicide hotline. You would fare better discussing the issue with a drunk person or a homeless drug addict. They would probably be more based and unhinged too. Only an idiot would call an immoral post wall roastie idiot, interrupting her gossiping with her friends for her interrupting you with cliches while you try to disclose your thoughts about life and death.
It is however ironic.
I have a high pain threshold and a hardened mind. Something awakened in me today and I started fantasising about what I could test on myself. I had had not done it as such before.
I would probably go out in the forest with a knife, a mirror, a will and my phone before I would go through with it. I would might even post some pics here in a goodbye post. I've been searching for some streamed suicides but been mostly unsuccessful. You may help me with this. I will not stream any murder or suicide. My potential suicide will likely occur after my 1000th post here if ever. If I don't post here during 2021, you can assume that I have induced death in at least myself.
Politics has been my biggest cope but I'm selfless and the world will go on without me which it should not as human life should not exist. It has been said that the end of a human life is the end of a world. It would seem like that to the person who thinks only about itself and its own success but I think about the whole world in which I despite my work and my thoughts am negligible. My kind is being cast out and genocided anyway. We will not exist anymore in 100 years.
I'm essentially finished as I've eaten all types of food I want to eat and so on regarding most subjects. I'm a healthy mind in a sea of normies. Everyone who haven't planned suicide or murder hypothetically in some form is an idiot. I want my ashes to be spread in the forest of my beloved home, my nation which I am a separatist of.
Truth is a virtue and theology is a serious subject that should be respected. There does not, to me seem to exist anything supernatural, nor has it for the latter half of my life. The idea of an afterlife appears, to me, to, often unjustly, chain the greats to the world when they would otherwise have killed themselves. They can then help others with their hardened clearly thinking minds. It is adaptable to the group although it is basically immoral which explains why it exists in the big adaptable religions although it as a rule is unjust.
I have imagined the fight between a morally justified god and a god of materiality as a metaphor for how the world is materially consistent but morally apathetic.
The first god would be valiant and justified but the god of matter, existence and consistency had just that and won. The world would be justified, perfect and not follow the logical, or abstract laws of this world had the god of morality won. There would be an un-graspable moral which would justify the world in all ways and make joy and everything positive infinite everywhere for all time. There would also not be any humans.
The earth is the prison of the moral, the playground of the immoral and the crematorium of the dead. To me, to live is to serve. To the immoral, to live is to enjoy yourself at the expense of the world. It is a basic male instinct to remove yourself when you no longer have a positive effect on your in group. I have with my thoughts and my craft improved the world how I can but I'm essentially finished.
My sympathy goes to that which deserve it; my judgement goes to that which deserve to be judged. You have my sympathy if you do what's right or deserve better weather I know about you or not and vice versa. The same is true for the whole world.
This is not a goodbye post; I plan to continue posting until I have made 1000 posts in total or more. I have now made around 900 posts. I'm 24 years old.
EDIT: I'd like to add that I worked at a suicide hotline in my own country. It was just one fleeting of many parts of the job. I worked at a hospital. The most likely person to answer is an old un-empathic misandric woman who works for the government to gossip while the tax payers must pay for it. She would have mediocre IQ at best. They told me it was forbidden to tell them to kill themselves and that being suicidal was a disease. It was a government suicide hotline. You would fare better discussing the issue with a drunk person or a homeless drug addict. They would probably be more based and unhinged too. Only an idiot would call an immoral post wall roastie idiot, interrupting her gossiping with her friends for her interrupting you with cliches while you try to disclose your thoughts about life and death.
It is however ironic.
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