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Venting I dont want to do this anymore

Runt171

Runt171

Admiral
Joined
May 9, 2024
Posts
2,534
I was just playing max payne 3 Ive been playing on hard mode and I finished it earlier

Ive played this game probably 4 times now and I play it just because its fast paced and distracts me from life

I was playing the police station level and then max said this and it took me out of my trance and threw me straight back into reality

nothing special but it hit me hard and made me think

What the fuck Am I even doing anymore

Im 20 fucking years old now and my life has always been the same shit over and over


No matter how much I try to improve something holds me back whether its money my genes or anything else

Im always held back from being able to do the things I want to do

Its always the same cycle of hope and deppresion

up and down over and over again

This is the first time in my life That I pretty much have no hope
I always had something to cling onto before to keep me going but Ive realised now how fucked I am
Everything I try to do I fail at and Ive run out of motivation after failing so much

I just feel empty now
life has beaten me down too much

I dont see anyway I can make my life worth living

My genes are fucking terrible and I am constantly reminded of this I get mogged by nearly every fucking person I see


I think im reaching the end of the road at this point
anytime I think realistically about where my path can lead in life its no where worth living for

I can only see it getting worse from here

the way I see life is that we are born to play a certain character

Your genes upbringing and environment determine who you are and you cannot change any of these things as a child which Is the most important part of your life for determining who you will become

Your fate is set from the start

I hate who I was forced to be and I also have to be painfully self aware of my shit position in life and all of my flaws

unless my life somehow changes in the next few years im just going to ronnieMcnuttMaxxx
im done with this boring cycle continuing on and on

Brutal MaxPaynePill
 
I hate who I was forced to be and I also have to be painfully self aware of my shit position in life and all of my flaws
There's your problem. I've had this exact train of thought before and what it really is, is a severe case of overthinking.
You need to surround yourself with distractions. That's pretty much all we can do to cope with our circumstances. Move from one distraction to the next and milk it dry for what it's worth. An idle mind is the devil's workshop.
 
There's your problem. I've had this exact train of thought before and what it really is, is a severe case of overthinking.
You need to surround yourself with distractions. That's pretty much all we can do to cope with our circumstances. Move from one distraction to the next and milk it dry for what it's worth. An idle mind is the devil's workshop.
Well spoken
 
There's your problem. I've had this exact train of thought before and what it really is, is a severe case of overthinking.
You need to surround yourself with distractions. That's pretty much all we can do to cope with our circumstances. Move from one distraction to the next and milk it dry for what it's worth. An idle mind is the devil's workshop.
Most of the time no matter what I do I cant stop myself from thinking
Sometimes I get lucky and My mind will go blank while im coping playing games or some shit like that but its starting not to work as much anymore

What do u do to cope??
 
I could listen to Max Payne quotes all day long
 
Most of the time no matter what I do I cant stop myself from thinking
Sometimes I get lucky and My mind will go blank while im coping playing games or some shit like that but its starting not to work as much anymore

What do u do to cope??
Gym, music, coffee, consuming brainrot content, browsing .is and discord.
I oversleep all the time because I don't have anything to wake up for.
I've recently gotten into the habit of learning a language too, makes sure my cognitive functions don't deteriorate too much.
 
Alot of the lines from the game are cringy asf but its still one of my favourite games
The ones from the first two are more memorable, they're usually the ones I can remember
 
Gym, music, coffee, consuming brainrot content, browsing .is and discord.
I oversleep all the time because I don't have anything to wake up for.
I've recently gotten into the habit of learning a language too, makes sure my cognitive functions don't deteriorate too much.
I cba even doing any
new hobbies anymore
I just dont see the point in doing anything
Especially something like learning a language
I just feel like I have no reason to learn something like that I will never use it
Even If I did try I would just give up on it

This is a problem that comes from
depression I know I need to distract myself but I just don’t want to do anything anymore
If it requires too much effort I always think about it and realise theres no point

The only things I do now are easy dopamine releases like gaming occasionally working out and browsing .is

I just get bored of everything quickly now my main cope has always been gaming and even then im running out of games to play that I enjoy so I keep replaying the same ones over and over which is getting boring too
 
The ones from the first two are more memorable, they're usually the ones I can remember
I bought the first two recently on a sale but I just cant get into them after playing so many modern games and especially comparing them to mp3 they are just unenjoyable

I can see why people like them though but I just cant get into them

Ive heard the first 2 are being remastered so I will probably play them when they come out
 
There's your problem. I've had this exact train of thought before and what it really is, is a severe case of overthinking.
You need to surround yourself with distractions. That's pretty much all we can do to cope with our circumstances. Move from one distraction to the next and milk it dry for what it's worth. An idle mind is the devil's workshop.
:bigbrain:
 
This is a problem that comes from
depression I know I need to distract myself but I just don’t want to do anything anymore
If it requires too much effort I always think about it and realise theres no point
Is your home environment shit? I had a stagnant phase like that too, mostly because of my retarded mentally ill family.
Try going outside more often. It might help get your mind out of the gutter.
 
Is your home environment shit? I had a stagnant phase like that too, mostly because of my retarded mentally ill family.
Try going outside more often. It might help get your mind out of the gutter.
No my home life is decent

I go out sometimes with my friends but apart from that I dont go out

I have only negative experiences with going out on my own and theres nothing for me to do outside anyway
I dont enjoy going on walks or anything like that because I constantly have anxiety the second I leave my house

im also paranoid of being attacked constantly because of my past experiences and because im a framecel manlet

Unless theres something out there for you I dont really see how going out would help at all for me it just reminds me of my shit position in life and I get mogged by pretty much everyone I see

How did you get out of your stagnant phase?? I dont really see how I could move on from this point unless some miracle comes up in my life but that sort of shit never happens to me
 
How did you get out of your stagnant phase?? I dont really see how I could move on from this point unless some miracle comes up in my life but that sort of shit never happens to me
Once I got more into shape I started standing up for myself, even got into a few fights with my family. I'm still high inhib anxietycel but at least those faggots don't get under my skin as often.
Unless theres something out there for you I dont really see how going out would help at all for me it just reminds me of my shit position in life and I get mogged by pretty much everyone I see
Unless you live in Detroit or Compton, it's important to go outside regularly to remind yourself that there's more to the world than the inside of your house and what you see on the internet.
 
Once I got more into shape I started standing up for myself, even got into a few fights with my family. I'm still high inhib anxietycel but at least those faggots don't get under my skin as often.

Unless you live in Detroit or Compton, it's important to go outside regularly to remind yourself that there's more to the world than the inside of your house and what you see on the internet.
Obviously I know that theres more to the world but theres no reason for me to even go out most of the time Its just meaningless stress

Whats your height and weight??

Ive tried working out and im trying to get back into it now but I will never be able to defend myself properly

When I say framecel I mean it

I weigh 50-55 kg the most I ever weighed is 60 this is while being 5’6/7 my wrists are like 5.7 or 6 inchs my hands are small too
My body is very weak but im trying to get stronger
there would be no way I could fight off even an average man

I used to be the type of person that would stand up for myself and depending on the situation I still am but any time Ive tried to fight back Ive just been beaten
So ive had to learn to take shit from people now

Ive been treated like shit by random people quite a few times because they know they could beat my ass
 
I weigh 50-55 kg the most I ever weighed is 60 this is while being 5’6/7 my wrists are like 5.7 or 6 inchs my hands are small too
My body is very weak but im trying to get stronger
there would be no way I could fight off even an average man
I was worse off than you when I started, 5'9" at 54kg. 6 inch wrists, my hands are pathetic and I've been called feminine on more than one occasion.
It's been a year now and I'm at 72kg. I still have a long way to go but I'm nowhere as afraid of people as I used to be.
Being in the gym, surrounded by strangers double your size for several hours a day, is probably the fastest way to get rid of social anxiety.
 
I go out sometimes with my friends but apart from that I dont go out
Are you close with your friends, or just acquaintances?
Try getting in touch with them. Socializing is a form of distraction too, do anything to get the bad thoughts out.
 
I was worse off than you when I started, 5'9" at 54kg. 6 inch wrists, my hands are pathetic and I've been called feminine on more than one occasion.
It's been a year now and I'm at 72kg. I still have a long way to go but I'm nowhere as afraid of people as I used to be.
Being in the gym, surrounded by strangers double your size for several hours a day, is probably the fastest way to get rid of social anxiety.
Ive been to the gym Before and I hated it your just paying to go and get mogged Id rather workout at home and save the money

I used to weigh 45 kg but that was mainly because I barely ate
I gained a bit of weight since then but im still small and dont have much

Im guessing your frame cant be that bad if you went from 50 to 70 but maybe I’m wrong

Is your weight gain mainly muscle??
 
Are you close with your friends, or just acquaintances?
Try getting in touch with them. Socializing is a form of distraction too, do anything to get the bad thoughts out.
Ive known them both since we were in year 8 in secondary

I speak to one of them nearly everyday on xbox when he is done with work and the other one not as much because he has a life

They are both normies though

especially one of them who is decent looking and has a gf and another friend group so thats all I hear about constantly which as you can imagine gets annoying af when u are incel

I enjoy speaking to them most of the time but its annoying that i cant speak about bp related shit or be real with them
I cant tell them about any of my problems or anything like that because they wouldn't understand

Because I basically dont do anything I barely have anything to talk about with them so most of our conversations feel empty

I feel like we will start drifting apart soon because our lives are becoming too different now
When we all first met we were very similar but as we all got older we changed
And they became more normie then me because I had alot of shit expirences and adversity in life while they had normal lives

Whenever they talk about their life experiences its so brutal to hear because their lives were so good compared to mine
 
There's your problem. I've had this exact train of thought before and what it really is, is a severe case of overthinking.
You need to surround yourself with distractions. That's pretty much all we can do to cope with our circumstances. Move from one distraction to the next and milk it dry for what it's worth. An idle mind is the devil's workshop.
true words
 
I've been raised Christian so the thought I was me before being born and will continue being me beyond death is completely unsettling.

80 years of suffering goes by just to be put back in your body again that you despise, thinking you escaped life only for there to be a you, not only as a physical thing but also a spiritual thing is a horrible thought. That there is literally no escape being me for once.
 
I've been raised Christian so the thought I was me before being born and will continue being me beyond death is completely unsettling.

80 years of suffering goes by just to be put back in your body again that you despise, thinking you escaped life only for there to be a you, not only as a physical thing but also a spiritual thing is a horrible thought. That there is literally no escape being me for once.
I dont think it works like that
I feel like after we die we just shut off and then theres nothing

Thats alot more comforting imo
But knowing how fucked most things are in life maybe we will be reincarnated to continue the cycle of suffering and just keep repeating the cycle forever like Sisyphus
Over and over living lives and feeling meaningless suffering going through meaningless experiences just to die and be reborn again

 
I dont think it works like that
I feel like after we die we just shut off and then theres nothing

Thats alot more comforting imo
But knowing how fucked most things are in life maybe we will be reincarnated to continue the cycle of suffering and just keep repeating the cycle forever like Sisyphus
Over and over living lives and feeling meaningless suffering going through meaningless experiences just to die and be reborn again

View attachment 1184100
None existance sounds absolutely terrifying to me. It would essentially mean that we suffered for nothing. It's also very hard to comprehend because I've been alive for so long that a big part of me is scared of losing consciousness.

There has to be some kind of reason for life. I have to believe that our souls live on because I don't want to think about never seeing my family ever again once they pass.
 
None existance sounds absolutely terrifying to me. It would essentially mean that we suffered for nothing. It's also very hard to comprehend because I've been alive for so long that a big part of me is scared of losing consciousness.

There has to be some kind of reason for life. I have to believe that our souls live on because I don't want to think about never seeing my family ever again once they pass.
There is no reason for life and we did suffer for nothing
That is the most brutal thing about it
Existence and life is extremely cruel

I dont know why but It just is we will probably never know why it is like this either


We are just thrown into this mess and then we have to deal with whatever happens to us and then we die
Theres nothing more to it then that


it doesnt matter that you will never see your family again
You wont even think anymore when you are dead you just wont be anything so it wouldn’t even matter at that point anyway
Being nothing and feeling nothing sounds better then existing forever to me
I never wanted to exist so It doesn't worry me not to when I eventually die
 
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i drive ryan gosling GIF
 

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