I'm closing in on 30. When I was younger it would have been a joke to make fun of people like me. Though throughout my life I managed to have a single friend for about 3 years. After that he moved away. Ever since then I have been alone. Talking to people online every now and then, though none of them cared enough to stick around for over a year.
I spend every day of my life either working (9 hours a day, about 10 hours including my unpaid break and drive.) or sitting at home on weekends feeling pitiful. Throughout my life I have tried everything possible, hoping I would be able to gain friends. This started in about 7th grade, when I lost my only friend ever, due to him moving away. After losing my only ever friend, I became incredibly lonely, hoping people would talk to me, befriend me, spend time with me. The truth is, nobody ever did. The only reason people ever talked to me, is either to treat me as some kind of steptool to increase their likability to the other normies or as a joke, to make fun of me, for being me.
After losing my only friend, I quickly learned that the only way to reach happiness, is to fit in. I tried my best, learning how to be "normal", learning what "normal" people do. Though none of it ever worked. The closest interactions to normality I ever got were classmates jokingly asking if I ever had a girlfriend, the answer being obvious, and only being used for bets or cheap laughs.
Nowadays I have a job. After required living expenses (excluding food) I have about 200 euros left over. Not even close to enough to renting an actual apartment, not even close to enough to afford living life. I am forced to live with my parents, who very outwardly despise me. Constant complaints and ridicule about why I'm not able to live a regular life like my siblings (one of them being female), and constant comparisons on how my living situtations are worse than my siblings' (who are getting funding from my parents, my sister is getting her whole apartment and living expenses paid for), meanwhile my parents tell me I should be "lucky" they don't force me to pay "rent" (of my 200 euros available each month), which should already be covered by government's "child money" (200 euros a month that is supposed to cover rent and living expenses for your kid( even though I'm not a kid anymore)).
My parents rarely check in on me. On the off chance they do, it's to make jokes about how we are missing dishes, or how there is mold growing in my room. If I have a monetary issue at all, rent gets brought up, as opposed to my siblings who get every living expense cared for. Every now and then they go into my room to request something from me, leaving no chance unused to talk about how many used dishes are in my room, or how there is mold growing on my walls, or how many dirty clothes are scattered around my tiny room.
When I was around 15, I started cutting myself. Not for any specific reason, it just eased the pain and I was fascinated with my body's open wounds. I stopped soon, because I started trying to maximize my looks (some might call it looksmaxxing), and I realised having scars all over my body will be a huge negative impact. After all self-harm scars visibly display your non-worth as a human, and thus signify your lower value, leaving you open for any status "hunters" to ridicule you and point out you being a misfit. This also matters in the job hunt, especially where I live, where your actual skills are next to worthless and the only valuable ability is that to communicate with whatever HR-Cuck is interviewing you. During previous Interviews I have been told, by accepted employees, that they just talked to the recruiter about football, or whatever topic was in their interest, to get accepted. Something that is exempt from me as a "gamer" (marginalized, pre-covid community).
I spent many nights drinking, "to feel". Though this in part ended when my parents found out and got rid of all liquor. Now I'm forced to buy alcohol from my own, ridiculously low, pay (of about 200 eur after taxes etc.). My personal choice is vodka at about 6 eur/0.75l/40%.
From my drinking problem I developed several issues, including lethargy, asthma, and a fat liver. The fat liver basically requires me to eat around 2000 calories a day to maintain my weight/not become giga-fat. And the lethargy preventing me from at least TRYING to live a human live. As well as my father being diagnosed with diabetes, not leaving great hopes for my future.
My country has been overrun with low value immigrants, my city has over 50% immigrants in my age range, not leaving great prospects for the future. Every aspect of politics seems focussed on making life worse and decreasing my personal freedom, the only goals being importing more immigrants, making the life better for boomers and getting more votes towards the parties (= more money for the members). Everything in politics is getting worse, my country is very left leaning and a lot of them are genuine retards that, under no circumstances, should EVER be allowed to vote, yet they do. Even at my work, it's clear that native workers are being replaced with cheaper foreign workforce. It's only a matter of time until I get "replaced" aswell.
Every interest I have, gets demonized and outlawed. I have an interest in cars in the worst place to like cars. Gas is almost at 3 euros per liter (13/gal). Modifying your car is a worse crime than committing a murder (or running your car into a public market at that...). Aswell as having some of the highes taxes, AND prices in the world, with not very great pay.
Living in one of the most leftist areas on earth, getting a girlfriend is obviously out of questions also. In an area, where talking to a woman outside is enough to get you fined for thousands, it's simply not worth the risk. Combined with the left leaning women having a very acquired, chocolate-y taste aswell, the girlfriend question is irrelevant.
Despite having accepted my fate, suicide is out of the question, I'm too much of a pussy. There was a 4chan post about a SAW-Trap, A room with a sandpaper treadmill floor. A floor made out of sandpaper, that keeps moving. If you stop, you get shredded VERY slowly, so you have no other option, but to keep going, even if there is no escape. This is what most of my life has been feeling like.
Even online I have been unable to find people to connect with. Even in these sorts of spaces, too many people are just "pretenders".
I'm tired of spending every day of my life in complete isolation, on the weekends just waiting for work to begin again, so I at least have SOMETHING to do.
I have never been able to connect with people online. Even there, I'm seen as an "outsider", especially after covid, where every online space got reformed into a normie haven. Anime forums now exclusively consist of posts complaining about "fan service".
In a way, I guess, this is also a callout post to all the youngfag normies that browse here for whatever reason. Do something with your lives. Try to connect more with your friends. Try to do well in school.
You don't wanna end up a dead-beat like me, who still lives with his parents, earns no money in a dead-end job and has literally nobody in his life. Even though you larp (awesome tiktok buzzword) about this life, the reality is different.
When you wake up every morning, coughing out your lungs because your black mold filled room has damaged them beyond repair, coming home to drink yourself to a blackout on a wednesday, permanently ruining your body.
Take the chance to fix your life while you still can.
If nobody in real life has ever come up to you, unprompted, while you were waiting at a bus station, to ask questions like "how do I join your loser club, there's still hope for you and you should use this chance to reform your life.
As for me? My country's politics keep getting worse. All politics here are focussed around women, who are wholly incapable of forming decisions on their own, and the cuck men who try to accomodate them (and migrants of course) and it is far too late for me to try to form any kind of connections.
Life is nothing but a nightmare, and every second not spent hoping there's gonna be some kind of magic that fulfills my wishes, is spent wishing I was fatally run over by a truck.
It's hard to describe how you feel when literally every second of your life is spent alone, not a single person that is interested in your existence (further than resentment about it).
End thread or whatever
I spend every day of my life either working (9 hours a day, about 10 hours including my unpaid break and drive.) or sitting at home on weekends feeling pitiful. Throughout my life I have tried everything possible, hoping I would be able to gain friends. This started in about 7th grade, when I lost my only friend ever, due to him moving away. After losing my only ever friend, I became incredibly lonely, hoping people would talk to me, befriend me, spend time with me. The truth is, nobody ever did. The only reason people ever talked to me, is either to treat me as some kind of steptool to increase their likability to the other normies or as a joke, to make fun of me, for being me.
After losing my only friend, I quickly learned that the only way to reach happiness, is to fit in. I tried my best, learning how to be "normal", learning what "normal" people do. Though none of it ever worked. The closest interactions to normality I ever got were classmates jokingly asking if I ever had a girlfriend, the answer being obvious, and only being used for bets or cheap laughs.
Nowadays I have a job. After required living expenses (excluding food) I have about 200 euros left over. Not even close to enough to renting an actual apartment, not even close to enough to afford living life. I am forced to live with my parents, who very outwardly despise me. Constant complaints and ridicule about why I'm not able to live a regular life like my siblings (one of them being female), and constant comparisons on how my living situtations are worse than my siblings' (who are getting funding from my parents, my sister is getting her whole apartment and living expenses paid for), meanwhile my parents tell me I should be "lucky" they don't force me to pay "rent" (of my 200 euros available each month), which should already be covered by government's "child money" (200 euros a month that is supposed to cover rent and living expenses for your kid( even though I'm not a kid anymore)).
My parents rarely check in on me. On the off chance they do, it's to make jokes about how we are missing dishes, or how there is mold growing in my room. If I have a monetary issue at all, rent gets brought up, as opposed to my siblings who get every living expense cared for. Every now and then they go into my room to request something from me, leaving no chance unused to talk about how many used dishes are in my room, or how there is mold growing on my walls, or how many dirty clothes are scattered around my tiny room.
When I was around 15, I started cutting myself. Not for any specific reason, it just eased the pain and I was fascinated with my body's open wounds. I stopped soon, because I started trying to maximize my looks (some might call it looksmaxxing), and I realised having scars all over my body will be a huge negative impact. After all self-harm scars visibly display your non-worth as a human, and thus signify your lower value, leaving you open for any status "hunters" to ridicule you and point out you being a misfit. This also matters in the job hunt, especially where I live, where your actual skills are next to worthless and the only valuable ability is that to communicate with whatever HR-Cuck is interviewing you. During previous Interviews I have been told, by accepted employees, that they just talked to the recruiter about football, or whatever topic was in their interest, to get accepted. Something that is exempt from me as a "gamer" (marginalized, pre-covid community).
I spent many nights drinking, "to feel". Though this in part ended when my parents found out and got rid of all liquor. Now I'm forced to buy alcohol from my own, ridiculously low, pay (of about 200 eur after taxes etc.). My personal choice is vodka at about 6 eur/0.75l/40%.
From my drinking problem I developed several issues, including lethargy, asthma, and a fat liver. The fat liver basically requires me to eat around 2000 calories a day to maintain my weight/not become giga-fat. And the lethargy preventing me from at least TRYING to live a human live. As well as my father being diagnosed with diabetes, not leaving great hopes for my future.
My country has been overrun with low value immigrants, my city has over 50% immigrants in my age range, not leaving great prospects for the future. Every aspect of politics seems focussed on making life worse and decreasing my personal freedom, the only goals being importing more immigrants, making the life better for boomers and getting more votes towards the parties (= more money for the members). Everything in politics is getting worse, my country is very left leaning and a lot of them are genuine retards that, under no circumstances, should EVER be allowed to vote, yet they do. Even at my work, it's clear that native workers are being replaced with cheaper foreign workforce. It's only a matter of time until I get "replaced" aswell.
Every interest I have, gets demonized and outlawed. I have an interest in cars in the worst place to like cars. Gas is almost at 3 euros per liter (13/gal). Modifying your car is a worse crime than committing a murder (or running your car into a public market at that...). Aswell as having some of the highes taxes, AND prices in the world, with not very great pay.
Living in one of the most leftist areas on earth, getting a girlfriend is obviously out of questions also. In an area, where talking to a woman outside is enough to get you fined for thousands, it's simply not worth the risk. Combined with the left leaning women having a very acquired, chocolate-y taste aswell, the girlfriend question is irrelevant.
Despite having accepted my fate, suicide is out of the question, I'm too much of a pussy. There was a 4chan post about a SAW-Trap, A room with a sandpaper treadmill floor. A floor made out of sandpaper, that keeps moving. If you stop, you get shredded VERY slowly, so you have no other option, but to keep going, even if there is no escape. This is what most of my life has been feeling like.
Even online I have been unable to find people to connect with. Even in these sorts of spaces, too many people are just "pretenders".
I'm tired of spending every day of my life in complete isolation, on the weekends just waiting for work to begin again, so I at least have SOMETHING to do.
I have never been able to connect with people online. Even there, I'm seen as an "outsider", especially after covid, where every online space got reformed into a normie haven. Anime forums now exclusively consist of posts complaining about "fan service".
In a way, I guess, this is also a callout post to all the youngfag normies that browse here for whatever reason. Do something with your lives. Try to connect more with your friends. Try to do well in school.
You don't wanna end up a dead-beat like me, who still lives with his parents, earns no money in a dead-end job and has literally nobody in his life. Even though you larp (awesome tiktok buzzword) about this life, the reality is different.
When you wake up every morning, coughing out your lungs because your black mold filled room has damaged them beyond repair, coming home to drink yourself to a blackout on a wednesday, permanently ruining your body.
Take the chance to fix your life while you still can.
If nobody in real life has ever come up to you, unprompted, while you were waiting at a bus station, to ask questions like "how do I join your loser club, there's still hope for you and you should use this chance to reform your life.
As for me? My country's politics keep getting worse. All politics here are focussed around women, who are wholly incapable of forming decisions on their own, and the cuck men who try to accomodate them (and migrants of course) and it is far too late for me to try to form any kind of connections.
Life is nothing but a nightmare, and every second not spent hoping there's gonna be some kind of magic that fulfills my wishes, is spent wishing I was fatally run over by a truck.
It's hard to describe how you feel when literally every second of your life is spent alone, not a single person that is interested in your existence (further than resentment about it).
End thread or whatever
