The title is vague because I couldn't figure out how to explain this succinctly. I am engaged to the most amazing guy, we have a very healthy and loving relationship and can't wait to get married. Before we met I was always very sure I wanted kids biologically. Having and raising good kids was an important goal of marriage to me. During our 5 years of dating, I slowly began to be put off by the idea of having children with my SO. I still wanted kids very much, but not children conceived by us.
For the past 3 years, I have had my heart very much set on adoption and being involved in the foster care system. I have other really good reasons for this, the main one being a personal and faith-based calling to this. I am very excited to adopt children and have 0 regrets about the choice to not have children biologically. My SO does want to have at least 1 child from us but is very much ok with the idea that we only adopt. However, what worries me about the whole thing is that my initial reason for this and my gut feeling is that I wouldn't want our genes being passed onto our child... And if I'm being honest, it's more that I don't think I would want my SO passing on himself to our child.
I'll be clear, my SO has no major health issues, his family has some normal genetic health concerns ie. diabetes in people over 75, high blood pressure in older family members. He is overweight but not obese and not so much in that it impedes his life in any way. I realized this is strange and kind of irrational thought because it seems like most people really want to have children that are part them and part of their SO. But when I think about our child being 'part' SO, I feel like I wouldn't want that. Even if I was with someone else I think I would still want to adopt but unfortunately, I also think I would be more open to having a biological child as well.
This has led to me having lots of weird private discussions in my head where I try to figure out why the idea of having a random child from other people is pleasant but the idea of having a child from my wonderful SO is not. I have realized that I am likely not attracted to my SO in the way I know he is towards me. This is not a question of if I should be with my SO, we really are great together and I am happy to start a life with him. I am just unsure why I feel so strongly about this and if it's really a manifestation of something worse about how I view my SO and if this could have repercussions in our relationship later on. Has anyone else ever felt this way? Trying to discuss this with friends is just impossible since even I am aware of how strange it sounds.
