Venting I didn't ask to be born

[Justanotherbloke]

i didn’t ask to be born, yet here I am. and it feels like a curse. The probability of me existing at all, with my exact dna, born to my specific parents, at this exact moment in time has been estimated at (copied and pasted it, cause the number is absurd) 1 in 10²⁶⁸⁵⁰⁰⁰. In other words essentially 0.000...01% (with about 2.6 million zeros before the 1, yes there were way more zeros). in every meaningful way, i shouldn't exist. but somehow I do. and I think about that a lot, cause all this could have easily been avoided, especially if my parents made wiser decisions. I don't think about it in a dramatic way, but just in the way you do when you realize you're the result of countless accidents, near misses, and unknowns, and now you’re here, expected to turn it all into something coherent. no one asked me if i wanted to be conscious, to feel time passing, to carry memory and longing in a body.

People say life is a gift, but not all gifts are asked for, and I didn't ask for this. And on top of that, not all gifts are 'nice'. I wish I was dead.

 

[Justanotherbloke]

How can you cope, knowing that this all could have been avoided. The suffering, stress, experiencing the possible pain of death etc. We are anomalies, I can't grasp with my mind whether this is all real, or I'm imagining it. The chance is essentially near 0 that I'm om earth, yet here I am

 

[Donnythedon]

lets rope together msg me for more

 

[Midnight Animal]

lets rope together msg me for more

 

[Wrath]

 

[KetamineCel]

lets rope together msg me for more

get me in on this suicide pact

 

[zd60]

yeah relatable, If I could've chosen to be born or not I sure wouldn't of ever started playing this dogshit game

 

[Justanotherbloke]

get me in on this suicide pact

You're not depressed?

 

[KetamineCel]

You're not depressed?

oh no absolutely, severely depressed, hby?

 

[Donnythedon]

get me in on this suicide pact

k get naked

 

[Justanotherbloke]

yeah relatable, If I could've chosen to be born or not I sure wouldn't of ever started playing this dogshit game

If you think about it, life is a microscopic bump in the flatline of eternity.
Roughly 70 years give or take of confusion, noise, and constant effort.
Somehow, you're selected randomly or not to be conscious just long enough to suffer, question it, and then disappear. Life is just a brief anomaly in an indifferent stretch of nothingness.

 

[KetamineCel]

k get naked

bet imma get a car battery and jumper cables asw

 

[Justanotherbloke]

oh no absolutely, severely depressed, hby?

Always, every day though I have periods where it slightly improves but it usually gets worse around the late afternoon/evening time.

 

[KetamineCel]

Always, every day though I have periods where it slightly improves but it usually gets worse around the late afternoon/evening time.

oh yeah igy, and same for the most part, my thoughts get rly bad if something bad in general happens tho, and it just doesn’t get better

 

[Justanotherbloke]

oh yeah igy, and same for the most part, my thoughts get rly bad if something bad in general happens tho, and it just doesn’t get better

Lately I've been very into marathon sleeping.... sometimes I take the benzo's of my dad before sleep and sleep for like 12 hours. Just to escape the real world and consciousness.

 

[zd60]

If you think about it, life is a microscopic bump in the flatline of eternity.
Roughly 70 years give or take of confusion, noise, and constant effort.
Somehow, you're selected randomly or not to be conscious just long enough to suffer, question it, and then disappear. Life is just a brief anomaly in an indifferent stretch of nothingness.

True but its one brief anomaly filled with nothing but suffering and torture throughout for me

 

[KetamineCel]

Lately I've been very into marathon sleeping.... sometimes I take the benzo's of my dad before sleep and sleep for like 12 hours. Just to escape the real world and consciousness.

i feel you, i take some of my stepmom’s tramadols, i just used the last of them there

 

[Justanotherbloke]

i feel you, i take some of my stepmom’s tramadols, i just used the last of them there

My dad's a heroin addict so he has tons, I just take one before bed, I easily sleep for like 12 hours or more.
Take a cold shower before bed in the summer and it feels like heaven, shutting off consciousness in this shit world is the best thing ever

 

[Justanotherbloke]

True but its one brief anomaly filled with nothing but suffering and torture throughout for me

That's why we sleepmarathonmaxx and benzomaxx to sleep more

 

[KetamineCel]

My dad's a heroin addict so he has tons, I just take one before bed, I easily sleep for like 12 hours or more.
Take a cold shower before bed in the summer and it feels like heaven, shutting off consciousness in this shit world is the best thing ever

benzos literally make you put on happy glasses for the world, i had an argument with my plug for benzos tho so idk if i can go back im too anxious, fml

 

[Justanotherbloke]

benzos literally make you put on happy glasses for the world, i had an argument with my plug for benzos tho so idk if i can go back im too anxious, fml

My dad has heavier ones, but I'll reserve those for later stages if I want more sleep and I'm really down bad.
This works fine.
Being awake is fucked up honestly, there's nothing for me here in this world

 

[zd60]

That's why we sleepmarathonmaxx and benzomaxx to sleep more

Some of my favorite things to do, whatever intoxicates me and passes the time

 

[KetamineCel]

My dad has heavier ones, but I'll reserve those for later stages if I want more sleep and I'm really down bad.
This works fine.
Being awake is fucked up honestly, there's nothing for me here in this world

lucky man, i wish i had like a supply of Klonopin or sm that would jus sort me

 

[Justanotherbloke]

lucky man, i wish i had like a supply of Klonopin or sm that would jus sort me

yeah klonopin? that’s already heavyweight tbh, it’s not xanax fast it’s slow, quiet, long. stays in your system for days. you feel okay and then suddenly you’re not sleeping without it. anything above klonopin is another story I guess cause then you’re getting into barbiturates, black market benzos like flunitrazepam, or antipsychotics that knock you out but leave you mentally fogged for a long time
I have mine and they work fine, that I grab from my dad. Don't know how my body responds to others

 

[KetamineCel]

yeah klonopin? that’s already heavyweight tbh, it’s not xanax fast it’s slow, quiet, long. stays in your system for days. you feel okay and then suddenly you’re not sleeping without it. anything above klonopin is another story I guess cause then you’re getting into barbiturates, black market benzos like flunitrazepam, or antipsychotics that knock you out but leave you mentally fogged for a long time
I have mine and they work fine, that I grab from my dad. Don't know how my body responds to others

flunitrazepam is an absolute blackout drug, i’ve never went further than Xanax but flunitraz is active in microgram doses.

you mentioned antipsychotics up there as well though, my doctor is prescribing me Olanzapine in two weeks time

 

[Icarus]

Life is not gift if it comes with expectations.

 

[Justanotherbloke]

flunitrazepam is an absolute blackout drug, i’ve never went further than Xanax but flunitraz is active in microgram doses.

you mentioned antipsychotics up there as well though, my doctor is prescribing me Olanzapine in two weeks time

Olanzapine knocks you out hard because it basically shuts down everything that keeps you awake and alert. blocks stuff like histamine, dopamine, and serotonin all at once, it's no joke. the histamine part hits first that’s the same system antihistamines like benadryl hit, but way stronger. that’s what makes you feel heavy, drowsy, like your body’s giving up before your brain even catches up. then it messes with dopamine and serotonin too after that, so your thoughts slow down, mood flattens, and your brain just kind of stops caring about being conscious.
it’s not a gentle sleep, it’s more like being switched off and a real loss of consciousness, a very deep sleep if that's what you're into

 

[KetamineCel]

Olanzapine knocks you out hard because it basically shuts down everything that keeps you awake and alert. blocks stuff like histamine, dopamine, and serotonin all at once, it's no joke. the histamine part hits first that’s the same system antihistamines like benadryl hit, but way stronger. that’s what makes you feel heavy, drowsy, like your body’s giving up before your brain even catches up. then it messes with dopamine and serotonin too after that, so your thoughts slow down, mood flattens, and your brain just kind of stops caring about being conscious.
it’s not a gentle sleep, it’s more like being switched off and a real loss of consciousness, a very deep sleep if that's what you're into

yeah it’s just to bring down the intensity of my symptoms for the time being, i don’t really mind any of that i just want the thoughts to stop, i asked my doctor if Tardive Dyskinesia was a concern but he said it was very rare, idk though some sources say its like 20-30% of long-term prescriptions

 

[La Longue Fourchett]

I remember watching a news about currycel suing his patents for giving birth to him and make him suffer his life.
Wonder how it went

 

[curryboy420]

My dad's a heroin addict so he has tons, I just take one before bed, I easily sleep for like 12 hours or more.
Take a cold shower before bed in the summer and it feels like heaven, shutting off consciousness in this shit world is the best thing ever

I never tried tramadol my grandma used to get them for her broken hip but I never wanted to take her stuff. I will have to order some online

 

[God's Lonely Man]

Life is a living hell.
Normfags who say "life is a gift" has never lived in the shoes of an incel.
If their lives are gifts, ours are fucking coal shoved crudely in a Christmas stocking.

 

[Genetics_subhuman]

lets rope together msg me for more

 

[AdolfRizzler]

i hate life, i wish i was never born