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My pain and depression I'm currently feeling is at extreme levels, I don't know if I can go on any longer.
When I was a kid my parents would often lock me in the garage, when school was out and it was summer they would lock me in there the whole summer for months I would be in the dark the whole time with no one to talk to. They'd always lock me in small spaces and keep me isolated as much as possible. This is most likely the reason why I ldar so much these days I just am to mentally damaged to really go outside and I don't even enjoy going outside cause I'm fucking 21 now, why would I go outside I don't have a single friend or an emotional connection to fucking anyone. I was locked inside isolated abused and neglected for my whole childhood, I developed so many mental problems because of this. Then we moved to the countryside when I was a kid and the isolation got even worse even once u become a teenager and can start saying fuck what your parents say I couldn't even do that cause I lived in the country now and there was nowhere for me to even go. So still isolated surrounded by suicidal thoughts never really going outside as a child, going to the mall, movies etc. anything that regular kids do. Literally just locked in the garage/closet when I was a little kid then Isolated in the countryside when I was a little older but still a kid. Never had a friend never had the fucking chance to have one never had a girlfriend either cause I never had a fucking chance. My teeth rotting and crooked cause my parents neglected me when I speak u can smell the stench of my rotting black teeth. I was slightly molested as well might have been raped but that is all kind of foggy to tell the truth. I just can't fucking overcome this anymore, I don't have the motiviation to even focus on my business and moneymax/become succesful anymore I just want to die the suicidal thoughts get to me all the time now. My fucked up childhood is destroying me and I can not overcome it. Was going to looksmax but fuck I just can't my mind is destroyed I want to try but it's to fucking hard.
I was in a not to bad mood today but then I found out about russetiden, it's this crazy graduation event that high school students in Scandinavia have. Only look it up if you are ready for some extreme suicidefuel. Basically they do a bunch of crazy things such as renting a bus to party on for a couple weeks and their parents spend like $10k for each of them. They have these dares called russeknuter some of them include things like have sex in the forest or have sex with 17 people in 17 days. I am not fucking making that up, only look it up if you are ready for suicide fuel tho. Some of these soon to be high school grads legit have sex with 17 people in 17 days. Imagine the joy they feel and that crazy experience and how fulfilling it is. Hearing about this just put me over the fucking edge fuck sakes. And here I am with fucking nothing, being abused as a child by my fucked up parents and everyone else having depression and suicidal thoughts constantly. Even today I'm to mentally damaged to really do anything my mind is fucking damaged I'm fucking destroyed, it's to hard to go on.
I don't know what to do anymore guys, is there hope for me? Fuck my life has been a catastrophe I don't know if I can ever feel happiness. I might just kill myself in the most fucked up way to see if the physical pain I feel will be as bad as the mental pain I am feeling now. I feel sorry for those of u that have been through something similar, I don't know if it's possible to get through this. Might light myself on fire on livestream sick of everything I want to die everyday, hearing about that russetiden just fucking destroyed me will I ever fucking have something like that or am I doomed? Fuck sakes I was deprived of a childhood I was deprived of a fucking life.
When I was a kid my parents would often lock me in the garage, when school was out and it was summer they would lock me in there the whole summer for months I would be in the dark the whole time with no one to talk to. They'd always lock me in small spaces and keep me isolated as much as possible. This is most likely the reason why I ldar so much these days I just am to mentally damaged to really go outside and I don't even enjoy going outside cause I'm fucking 21 now, why would I go outside I don't have a single friend or an emotional connection to fucking anyone. I was locked inside isolated abused and neglected for my whole childhood, I developed so many mental problems because of this. Then we moved to the countryside when I was a kid and the isolation got even worse even once u become a teenager and can start saying fuck what your parents say I couldn't even do that cause I lived in the country now and there was nowhere for me to even go. So still isolated surrounded by suicidal thoughts never really going outside as a child, going to the mall, movies etc. anything that regular kids do. Literally just locked in the garage/closet when I was a little kid then Isolated in the countryside when I was a little older but still a kid. Never had a friend never had the fucking chance to have one never had a girlfriend either cause I never had a fucking chance. My teeth rotting and crooked cause my parents neglected me when I speak u can smell the stench of my rotting black teeth. I was slightly molested as well might have been raped but that is all kind of foggy to tell the truth. I just can't fucking overcome this anymore, I don't have the motiviation to even focus on my business and moneymax/become succesful anymore I just want to die the suicidal thoughts get to me all the time now. My fucked up childhood is destroying me and I can not overcome it. Was going to looksmax but fuck I just can't my mind is destroyed I want to try but it's to fucking hard.
I was in a not to bad mood today but then I found out about russetiden, it's this crazy graduation event that high school students in Scandinavia have. Only look it up if you are ready for some extreme suicidefuel. Basically they do a bunch of crazy things such as renting a bus to party on for a couple weeks and their parents spend like $10k for each of them. They have these dares called russeknuter some of them include things like have sex in the forest or have sex with 17 people in 17 days. I am not fucking making that up, only look it up if you are ready for suicide fuel tho. Some of these soon to be high school grads legit have sex with 17 people in 17 days. Imagine the joy they feel and that crazy experience and how fulfilling it is. Hearing about this just put me over the fucking edge fuck sakes. And here I am with fucking nothing, being abused as a child by my fucked up parents and everyone else having depression and suicidal thoughts constantly. Even today I'm to mentally damaged to really do anything my mind is fucking damaged I'm fucking destroyed, it's to hard to go on.
I don't know what to do anymore guys, is there hope for me? Fuck my life has been a catastrophe I don't know if I can ever feel happiness. I might just kill myself in the most fucked up way to see if the physical pain I feel will be as bad as the mental pain I am feeling now. I feel sorry for those of u that have been through something similar, I don't know if it's possible to get through this. Might light myself on fire on livestream sick of everything I want to die everyday, hearing about that russetiden just fucking destroyed me will I ever fucking have something like that or am I doomed? Fuck sakes I was deprived of a childhood I was deprived of a fucking life.
