The outside world is cruel, harsh, uninviting. I can't attractive a female, so I go with making male friends, but I try to arrange times to hang out, they blow me off. I'm too ugly and weird for even a platonic relationship. I'd at least be able to cope if things were bad all over, but listening into girls convos, talking about hot guys they'd sell their souls to fuck, Chad's who never go a day without the validation that could keep me sane for a month if zi got it only ONCE.
If just ONE girl gave me an unambiguous flirt that led nowhere I'd still feel motivated enough to cheerfully contribute to society, make it to every class on time, act "confidently" all knowing im not disgusting to one person. I have to compete in the social scene with Chad's who get 100x that level of flirting daily. Imagine talking to any random woman and KNOWING she'd be down to fuck if you asked her at a party, KNOWING that you incite feelings of lust that her betacuck boyfriend couldn't buy with all the money in the world, KNOWING that you deserve your great life because of your genetic superiority.
My entire life is assuming the opposite and being correct 100% of the time. Even if I statusmaxxed, wealtgmaxxed, bodymaxxed, charismamaxxed, I'd know that at best girls would just be putting up with my shitty face/frame, I'd still be competing with men who since birth had been raised with optimal nutrition, hormonal patterns, sleep, social development, etc. I'm a non-entity and I have to act like it's rewarding to be a "good student". I'd give every pointless GPA point and all my achievements for the chance to be attractive for just one day.
I can't make friends, all the friends I had by default in high school stopped talking to me the moment we graduated, I can't even talk to my parents without lying half the time about having people to talk to. I feel bad for them, they spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on me and I'm still a financial burden, every day becoming more and more unremarkable. Even if I magically got out of my depressive lump right now I'd be playing catch up with men who don't have to deal with anorexically small wrists, no chronic health problems, facial structure of a child, etc. I know my problems don't compare to starving African children but my thoughts can't escape all this frusteration and misery.
If just ONE girl gave me an unambiguous flirt that led nowhere I'd still feel motivated enough to cheerfully contribute to society, make it to every class on time, act "confidently" all knowing im not disgusting to one person. I have to compete in the social scene with Chad's who get 100x that level of flirting daily. Imagine talking to any random woman and KNOWING she'd be down to fuck if you asked her at a party, KNOWING that you incite feelings of lust that her betacuck boyfriend couldn't buy with all the money in the world, KNOWING that you deserve your great life because of your genetic superiority.
My entire life is assuming the opposite and being correct 100% of the time. Even if I statusmaxxed, wealtgmaxxed, bodymaxxed, charismamaxxed, I'd know that at best girls would just be putting up with my shitty face/frame, I'd still be competing with men who since birth had been raised with optimal nutrition, hormonal patterns, sleep, social development, etc. I'm a non-entity and I have to act like it's rewarding to be a "good student". I'd give every pointless GPA point and all my achievements for the chance to be attractive for just one day.
I can't make friends, all the friends I had by default in high school stopped talking to me the moment we graduated, I can't even talk to my parents without lying half the time about having people to talk to. I feel bad for them, they spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on me and I'm still a financial burden, every day becoming more and more unremarkable. Even if I magically got out of my depressive lump right now I'd be playing catch up with men who don't have to deal with anorexically small wrists, no chronic health problems, facial structure of a child, etc. I know my problems don't compare to starving African children but my thoughts can't escape all this frusteration and misery.
