All choices are illusory, everything was decided before I was born, "life" is an euphemism for running the simulation (well, I guess it's not a "simulation" but literally the real life, there's nothing more real) whose goal is rating the usefulness of the variables I was semi-randomly assigned based on my parents' variables. How do people not lose shit over this? How do people just continue to play this cruel experiment called "life"? I guess self-awareness isn't useful for continuing the experiment and since the usefulness is all that matters, this trait has been bred out a long time ago and I'm just a defect, random mutation, a bug in the matrix. Even my anxiety about it isn't some giant act of "waking up", I was just given the worst cards possible and only because of that I started to analyze the game. People who win don't care -- their brains reward them for playing with feel-good chemicals while I get punished for not offing myself and have to live in a constant state of stress fueled by my defect endocrine system. People lying about having anything to say about their lives are a necessary part of the simulation. It literally doesn't matter what I do: humans aren't more sentient than rocks, they just have fancy mechanisms to manipulate each other through fake signals. I really wish there was some "real" reality to wake up to, but it seems that that's it: you were born to die or you were born to breed and die (in the second case you're rewarded with feel-good chemicals for helping the experiment to continue). There's nothing more to life, it's all a giant cosmic scam but since there's nothing else, I guess it's not a scam? It just amazes me that reality is just things happening for absolutely no purpose whatsoever and making this giant illusion of me (aka who?) "living" and suffering.
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