These previous weeks I was debating with myself to make a post about my story or not depending on my emotional and mental state. Finally I saw my crush today, ANOTHER FILTHY SLUT, kissing with a random guy that fortunately could not see the face of him. So here I am.
My childhood was imo below average. Got bullied with a fucking manlet, YES, a manlet. Never got revenge. I daydream very often about murdering him someday. I was also the last to be coupled with someone in Physical education activities. The years we were not pair number I ALWAYS was in a group of 3 with the other 2. I was the worst at sports in general of course. I dont even know how to fucking ride a bike. Im useless. In studies I was good, then ok and now Im just another "study previous day to exam" typical student. My current career path does not motivate me although I have some recognitions on it and I dont see me working on it.
I had a girlfriend but it was a -1/10 landwhale, I probably was with her cause of general boredom in my life. Didnt lose my virginity. Apart from that, my relation with women is just bizarre. I am probably a mentalcel, crippled by my negative experiences, the constant feeling that I am not enoughly good for anything. Im so fucked up that I even try actively to NOT ascend, avoiding women, talking bad about them on purpose to guys so they tell them later, if I see some female interest (this I think happens cause I am tall), I tell her how worthless and pathetic love and sex are, primitive mechanisms made for inferior species, BECAUSE I CONSIDER THEM INFERIOR AND I ALWAYS HAVE, while realizing how I wasted my teenage years with few "friends", doing things I dont enjoy, learning nothing, doing nothing, living nothing.
Now Im 2/10 of my 20s and Im in the same way, wasting time, just get up, go to class, some random shit talking to people pretending I care about what they say or with an illusion that they care about me, home with a family I hate, play fucking videogames, then pretend I am doing something productive about class or go the gym, rinse and repeat. No talent, no objectives, no one cares about me, I do not care about anyone or anything, what do I live for? Now Im most time angry, with the horrible sensation I know the theory about life but Im totally unable to apply it: I know how money works (supply and demand) but I have nothing to offer; I know what attract women, yet I am overall unsuccesful and I even avoid them for self-conficence issues; I know how a healthy/strong body is achieved, yet my genetics sucked major balls there too.
I honestly see that there is no escape, some random days I am motivated for some miracle but thats all, I am frustrated, bitter and especially ANRGY, very ANGRY. I depend on people that I would like to see burning. I probably gonna start wagecucking soon, prostitution with my time and energy to get some random rich CEO richer while I rot even more. The only realistic possibility I see, and is still very unprobable, is that I get somehow succesful at videogames (there was a post about Esports some weeks ago) streaming or some shit like that. But even there, there is a lot of competence, and Idk how my personality could charm a possible audience. And then the fame...if it happens guys, I swear to fucking God guys, Im gonna spread the blackpill to Oblivion.
Thank you for giving me a space to publish this, where I can tell that women are scum like this bitch that today hurt me but tomorrow I would puke on her corpse, and I failed as a man cause bad genetics, without everbody giving me some random motivating speech bluepilled shit.
My childhood was imo below average. Got bullied with a fucking manlet, YES, a manlet. Never got revenge. I daydream very often about murdering him someday. I was also the last to be coupled with someone in Physical education activities. The years we were not pair number I ALWAYS was in a group of 3 with the other 2. I was the worst at sports in general of course. I dont even know how to fucking ride a bike. Im useless. In studies I was good, then ok and now Im just another "study previous day to exam" typical student. My current career path does not motivate me although I have some recognitions on it and I dont see me working on it.
I had a girlfriend but it was a -1/10 landwhale, I probably was with her cause of general boredom in my life. Didnt lose my virginity. Apart from that, my relation with women is just bizarre. I am probably a mentalcel, crippled by my negative experiences, the constant feeling that I am not enoughly good for anything. Im so fucked up that I even try actively to NOT ascend, avoiding women, talking bad about them on purpose to guys so they tell them later, if I see some female interest (this I think happens cause I am tall), I tell her how worthless and pathetic love and sex are, primitive mechanisms made for inferior species, BECAUSE I CONSIDER THEM INFERIOR AND I ALWAYS HAVE, while realizing how I wasted my teenage years with few "friends", doing things I dont enjoy, learning nothing, doing nothing, living nothing.
Now Im 2/10 of my 20s and Im in the same way, wasting time, just get up, go to class, some random shit talking to people pretending I care about what they say or with an illusion that they care about me, home with a family I hate, play fucking videogames, then pretend I am doing something productive about class or go the gym, rinse and repeat. No talent, no objectives, no one cares about me, I do not care about anyone or anything, what do I live for? Now Im most time angry, with the horrible sensation I know the theory about life but Im totally unable to apply it: I know how money works (supply and demand) but I have nothing to offer; I know what attract women, yet I am overall unsuccesful and I even avoid them for self-conficence issues; I know how a healthy/strong body is achieved, yet my genetics sucked major balls there too.
I honestly see that there is no escape, some random days I am motivated for some miracle but thats all, I am frustrated, bitter and especially ANRGY, very ANGRY. I depend on people that I would like to see burning. I probably gonna start wagecucking soon, prostitution with my time and energy to get some random rich CEO richer while I rot even more. The only realistic possibility I see, and is still very unprobable, is that I get somehow succesful at videogames (there was a post about Esports some weeks ago) streaming or some shit like that. But even there, there is a lot of competence, and Idk how my personality could charm a possible audience. And then the fame...if it happens guys, I swear to fucking God guys, Im gonna spread the blackpill to Oblivion.
Thank you for giving me a space to publish this, where I can tell that women are scum like this bitch that today hurt me but tomorrow I would puke on her corpse, and I failed as a man cause bad genetics, without everbody giving me some random motivating speech bluepilled shit.
