The title is a little misleading, but I’ll explain.
Well, my cousin-nephew (son of my cousin) who’s like 8 years younger than me just announced his engagement to his girlfriend. He’s like a sophomore in college or some shit. This is on the heels of my other cousin (who’s only a few years younger than me) also announcing his engagement to his fiancee.
This marks the end of the final bachelor in my entire extended family (on both my mom’s and dad’s sides). With the exception, of course, being me. And my older brother. And my younger brothers.
My brothers and I are the only single people above the age of 18 (of either gender) in my entire family on both sides. Every single cousin, uncle, aunt, grandparents is either married or engaged. Every single fucking one. The only other single people in the entire family are still in middle school or younger.
But it’s not a complete embarrassment for my parents though. They do have one married child. My sister is married. But she never had a wedding.
She got knocked up by her weed dealer, so they just ran to the courthouse and eloped right there on the spot. And the whole family knows this because she’s the only married person in the entire family to never have a wedding. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
My family is the family that the rest of the big family makes fun of. Kek. Even before I was ever born, my parents were the couple that the rest of the family mocked. Nothing’s changed lol. Now cousins and nephews nearly a decade younger than me are getting married and starting families while my brothers and I have a collective 0 girlfriends (past or present) between us.
Now my parents (who aren’t in great health) are pressuring my brothers and I to get married so that they don’t pass on while their sons are still all unmarried losers. They also want to witness a real wedding for one of their offspring before they pass on.
Anyways, I finally told my parents that I’ll consider marriage once I have my foreskin back, and now they don’t bother me with the issue. They still press my brothers though.
The funniest part of all of this is my parents still consider themselves great parents that did nothing wrong. They have multiple offspring (more than every other family in the family), 1 marriage, and 0 weddings. They even consider themselves better parents than their own siblings (my aunts and uncles) and frequently gossip about what bad parents my aunts and uncles are. Ya know, the aunts and uncles whose offspring are all married and starting families of their own.
It’s too fucking funny man. We’re the joke of the whole fucking family, and my narcissist parents still can’t get off their high horse. They literally spit in the air at those above them, and they mock their own siblings who are better than them.
When I was young, I would fantasize about living at my cousins’ house and being in their family and never talking to my parents again. I was literally genetically next door to a good family, and I didn’t get it. If I was born to my dad’s brother or my mom’s sister, my life would be 10x better.
