Indari
ovencel
★★★★★
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2017
- Posts
- 38,807
I dropped out before I could complete this (https://i.imgur.com/arqe7HV.png) but there's no way in hell I'm doing it if it's still there when I get back. It is fucking ridiculous how I turn 18 and people are suddenly asking me "what my plan is." Especially getting that from my mother. She should know best of all how ill-prepared I am for anything since she did the shitty job of raising me, but the same retardation that made her a shitty parent in the first place prevents her from seeing this. She says the most banal shit with lines straight out of the shitty tv shows she watches all day no matter how the situation differs from the norm. Like telling me to "get a job," as if that's something I can just do, or asking me "what my plan is" as if someone like me could possibly have plans for the future. Like she would fucking know if I had some great ambitions right? I might as well not be her son, since if I was she would know that her questions are fucking ridiculous. I guess I can't blame her for being an aspie, but fuck that I can. She should never have had kids. I was bred like a rat and not given a second thought after I was shat out of her uterus. I wasn't raised by her besides her providing the essentials for survival. And some people tell me I should be grateful for that. Just lol.
I hope I can at least survive this semester but like with everything I am thoroughly pessimistic. Even being pessimistic it may turn out worse than I expected, because no matter how rock bottom low my expectation are, I still have some hope hidden underneath that I can't suppress. Last semester I couldn't even keep up with my classes, and while that may have been due to my adviser fucking me over and telling me to take two of the hardest classes at the same time, my motivation has been shattered and my willingness to give up and fail bolstered. I don't know if I can make it even with easier classes. I will have to take the easiest ones I can and just ease into it. I don't know why I have such trouble with everything. Other people don't seem to worry and get over things easily that are a major crisis for me. I've observed this my entire life. People are bemused by my problems.
I hope I can at least survive this semester but like with everything I am thoroughly pessimistic. Even being pessimistic it may turn out worse than I expected, because no matter how rock bottom low my expectation are, I still have some hope hidden underneath that I can't suppress. Last semester I couldn't even keep up with my classes, and while that may have been due to my adviser fucking me over and telling me to take two of the hardest classes at the same time, my motivation has been shattered and my willingness to give up and fail bolstered. I don't know if I can make it even with easier classes. I will have to take the easiest ones I can and just ease into it. I don't know why I have such trouble with everything. Other people don't seem to worry and get over things easily that are a major crisis for me. I've observed this my entire life. People are bemused by my problems.