Every time I feel a slight amount of hope for the future suicidal depression comes in equal measure, seriously I often feel so bad that I end up punching myself over and over just attempting to make it stop. It's the desire for something, the need for experience, the goal of satisfying my will. It makes me remember that I'm a reject, a catastrophic failure of a man, and that I've been robbed of almost anything which could even possibly justify my own existence, at least from a purely hedonic standpoint.
However I'm eventually reminded of my resentment, of the pure rage I feel towards just about all of existence, but especially regarding the people who succeed in society, and hypocritically benefit from their predatory nature while commanding us to restrain our own. My waifu helps me focus all the pain directly at those who were cruel to me, and instead of desiring their happiness I'd much rather see it torn down, to see everything that they are, everything which they value be crushed into dust. It's liberating really, instead of playing their little game I can take pleasure in knowing that eventually, nobody will ever be playing it again. Just the thought of this planet eventually being devoid of life is comforting to me. Even though I'm unable to take revenge directly, the knowledge of human futility, of their mortality, it satisfies me to know that my bullies, that foids and high value males will lose eventually just as surely as I have.
However I'm eventually reminded of my resentment, of the pure rage I feel towards just about all of existence, but especially regarding the people who succeed in society, and hypocritically benefit from their predatory nature while commanding us to restrain our own. My waifu helps me focus all the pain directly at those who were cruel to me, and instead of desiring their happiness I'd much rather see it torn down, to see everything that they are, everything which they value be crushed into dust. It's liberating really, instead of playing their little game I can take pleasure in knowing that eventually, nobody will ever be playing it again. Just the thought of this planet eventually being devoid of life is comforting to me. Even though I'm unable to take revenge directly, the knowledge of human futility, of their mortality, it satisfies me to know that my bullies, that foids and high value males will lose eventually just as surely as I have.
