I usually have copes back home in England that let me distract myself and keep the bad feelings at a distance but in India the reality is stark and I have to hear stories from all my relatives about how this dude got rich and that guy got married to a nice girl and that guy goes on business class flights and this dude has such a nice car or a house or stayed in a 5 star hotel etc. and it really is making me feel like a loser and this pressure builds up inside me and makes me want to either run or start hitting something or start screaming or start crying.
I've been stuck in the same position for more than 8 years and I really have lost my mind over this period but I try to keep myself sane and present a good face to people when I have to talk to family but I don't see a point anymore because I can't even catch up now. I have relatives from Indian villages who went to America and got married and all sorts before they were 27. I'm 27 and I have nothing ive been on benefits for 5 years in a council flat for 3 years and I have nothing and nobody calls me ever or wants to hang out even my cousin's think im just an autistic retard.
I am so tired of this life man. I can't even imagine a way out anymore. I have 0 hopes now. I just try to look at homeless guys and poor guys to make myself feel better that I have a good life because I'm not like them. But soon my parents will die and I will be because nobody is going to pay for my stuff anymore. I feel real hopeless. It feels like death is the only way out of this. Why couldn't I just be fucking normal man. I want to kill myself almost every day but I don't want to actually do it. But I don't see how to end the suffering.
I've been stuck in the same position for more than 8 years and I really have lost my mind over this period but I try to keep myself sane and present a good face to people when I have to talk to family but I don't see a point anymore because I can't even catch up now. I have relatives from Indian villages who went to America and got married and all sorts before they were 27. I'm 27 and I have nothing ive been on benefits for 5 years in a council flat for 3 years and I have nothing and nobody calls me ever or wants to hang out even my cousin's think im just an autistic retard.
I am so tired of this life man. I can't even imagine a way out anymore. I have 0 hopes now. I just try to look at homeless guys and poor guys to make myself feel better that I have a good life because I'm not like them. But soon my parents will die and I will be because nobody is going to pay for my stuff anymore. I feel real hopeless. It feels like death is the only way out of this. Why couldn't I just be fucking normal man. I want to kill myself almost every day but I don't want to actually do it. But I don't see how to end the suffering.
