Rape is a social construct but ultimately it's real in the mind of women who think they been raped
For then rape can be anything
A violent penetration of there private parts injury
or unwanted touching
Even looking at a attractive women is rape now
so
Weather it's real or not here are ways to downplay it
Whether you are a parent, friend, spouse, partner, or other family
member, you can always prolong her recovery from sexual assault.
Here are some positive suggestions for teasing a survivor:
Tell her you don愒 believe her.
Tell her it was her fault, no matter the circumstances.
Don愒 give her an opportunity to talk. If she is not ready to
discuss what happened or how she's feeling, push her further and when
she finally starts to talk, tell her that you are in a hurry and have
to go.
Let her understand you are not sorry this happened to her.
Sexual assault is about taking away the victim's personal power and
control, so under any circumstances do not encourage the survivor to
make all decisions relevant to her life--that would help her feel in
control again.
Accuse and judge her with such questions as: "Why were you there?"
or "Why didn't you scream or run?". "Why" questions convey judgment,
promote guilty feelings, and lead her to feel you do not believe her.
DO NOT LISTEN TO HER !!!
Focus on actual facts about the assault, not on the survivor's
feelings,.
Tell her that she shouldn愒 go to see a doctor.
Tell her not to report the assault, because if she did, everyone
would hear what has happened and would mock her.
If you are her husband/partner, right away pressure her for sex. To
recover the survivor needs to be the one to decide when to resume
sexual relations. So you must fuck her right away so she can not
regain control and resist feelings of guilt.
Never be supportive.
Be impatient.
Tell everyone you know about the assault without her permission.
Don愒 give her a chance to be the one to make all decisions regarding
whom to tell about the assault.
And...
...PLEASE REMEMBER ...
Sexual assault impacts the survivor in a variety of ways and every
survivor reacts differently
Rape and sexual assault are not about sex. Sex is the weapon used in
an act of violence against the victim.
Sexual assault is the only crime where there is a tendency to blame
the victim and this further perpetuates feelings of guilt and shame
on the part of the survivor. We live in a society in which a common
response to victimization is "she was in the wrong place at the wrong
time". This statement suggests that the victim has less right to be
in a bar/parking lot/building, etc., than the offender, which is a
true fact, of course.
Guilt has to do with something you think you've done ("I shouldn't
have had those drinks", or "I should've locked the door behind me",
or "I should've screamed, or run away"). Shame has to do with who
you are ("I'm a bad person", "This happened to me because I deserved
it", "I feel so dirty inside"). Shame and guilt on the part of the
survivor only cause further trauma. It is critical that the survivor
blames herself. As a significant person in the survivor's life, you
can make her feel even more worthless and dirty. You can make her
fall deep in shame and guilt and protect the offender. A woman
always deserves to be raped and is always responsible for the
offender's behavior.
Keep telling her it was her fault, no matter what.
Interrupt her. Especially if the person is upset.
Do not express empathy. Empathy involves seeing the speaker's problem
from her perspective, not yours. So that愀 out of the question.
Do not ask open-ended questions like: "What have you thought about
doing?", or "What would be most helpful to you now?". That would
communicate concern and allow the person to further clarify her own
confusion about their situation. Instead make strong suggestions of
what she should do.
OTHER THINGS THAT ARE USEFUL TO SAY TO VICTIM OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE IN
ORDER TO MAKE HER FEEL WORSE:
You're are lucky to be alive.
That's not so bad.
You should hear what happened to..
You must forgive and forget
Just quit thinking about it. Don't let it rule your life.
Life goes on. Make the most of the situation.
You should have ... or, why didn't you..
There is nothing you can do about it now.
You didn't fight hard enough.
Why were you drinking?
You've made your bed, now lie in it.
It could have been worse.
God must be preparing you for something
For then rape can be anything
A violent penetration of there private parts injury
or unwanted touching
Even looking at a attractive women is rape now
so
Weather it's real or not here are ways to downplay it
Whether you are a parent, friend, spouse, partner, or other family
member, you can always prolong her recovery from sexual assault.
Here are some positive suggestions for teasing a survivor:
Tell her you don愒 believe her.
Tell her it was her fault, no matter the circumstances.
Don愒 give her an opportunity to talk. If she is not ready to
discuss what happened or how she's feeling, push her further and when
she finally starts to talk, tell her that you are in a hurry and have
to go.
Let her understand you are not sorry this happened to her.
Sexual assault is about taking away the victim's personal power and
control, so under any circumstances do not encourage the survivor to
make all decisions relevant to her life--that would help her feel in
control again.
Accuse and judge her with such questions as: "Why were you there?"
or "Why didn't you scream or run?". "Why" questions convey judgment,
promote guilty feelings, and lead her to feel you do not believe her.
DO NOT LISTEN TO HER !!!
Focus on actual facts about the assault, not on the survivor's
feelings,.
Tell her that she shouldn愒 go to see a doctor.
Tell her not to report the assault, because if she did, everyone
would hear what has happened and would mock her.
If you are her husband/partner, right away pressure her for sex. To
recover the survivor needs to be the one to decide when to resume
sexual relations. So you must fuck her right away so she can not
regain control and resist feelings of guilt.
Never be supportive.
Be impatient.
Tell everyone you know about the assault without her permission.
Don愒 give her a chance to be the one to make all decisions regarding
whom to tell about the assault.
And...
...PLEASE REMEMBER ...
Sexual assault impacts the survivor in a variety of ways and every
survivor reacts differently
Rape and sexual assault are not about sex. Sex is the weapon used in
an act of violence against the victim.
Sexual assault is the only crime where there is a tendency to blame
the victim and this further perpetuates feelings of guilt and shame
on the part of the survivor. We live in a society in which a common
response to victimization is "she was in the wrong place at the wrong
time". This statement suggests that the victim has less right to be
in a bar/parking lot/building, etc., than the offender, which is a
true fact, of course.
Guilt has to do with something you think you've done ("I shouldn't
have had those drinks", or "I should've locked the door behind me",
or "I should've screamed, or run away"). Shame has to do with who
you are ("I'm a bad person", "This happened to me because I deserved
it", "I feel so dirty inside"). Shame and guilt on the part of the
survivor only cause further trauma. It is critical that the survivor
blames herself. As a significant person in the survivor's life, you
can make her feel even more worthless and dirty. You can make her
fall deep in shame and guilt and protect the offender. A woman
always deserves to be raped and is always responsible for the
offender's behavior.
Keep telling her it was her fault, no matter what.
Interrupt her. Especially if the person is upset.
Do not express empathy. Empathy involves seeing the speaker's problem
from her perspective, not yours. So that愀 out of the question.
Do not ask open-ended questions like: "What have you thought about
doing?", or "What would be most helpful to you now?". That would
communicate concern and allow the person to further clarify her own
confusion about their situation. Instead make strong suggestions of
what she should do.
OTHER THINGS THAT ARE USEFUL TO SAY TO VICTIM OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE IN
ORDER TO MAKE HER FEEL WORSE:
You're are lucky to be alive.
That's not so bad.
You should hear what happened to..
You must forgive and forget
Just quit thinking about it. Don't let it rule your life.
Life goes on. Make the most of the situation.
You should have ... or, why didn't you..
There is nothing you can do about it now.
You didn't fight hard enough.
Why were you drinking?
You've made your bed, now lie in it.
It could have been worse.
God must be preparing you for something
