there is a girl i met at work a few years ago who im obsessed with. she has always been that "one" dream girl. it goes without saying i have no chance with her and every boyfriend she has had was a supreme chad, including her current big dicked/drug dealing bf. i have always had extremely sexual fantasies about her since she is unfathomably sexy. shes been the source of many a jerk.
every few months ill message her and go through the usual BS: "how've you been?" " still doing X?" "still working at X?" and we will talk briefly until the responses become longer and longer apart, and i fade out to obscurity. she only responds out of kindness i guess. anyway I hate messaging her because i always get depressed/jealous at the responses, the reminders of what an incel i am, and how perfect and amazing her life is while mine is shit. the catch is that she supplies me premium grade-A jerk fuel in ways that you cant even imagine and its hard to turn that down. she will show me new pics of herself, and most of the time its sexy stuff like her at the beach in barely anything, or in nice dresses with makeup on, etc.. sometimes i wont even need pics and can get off on her words/stories alone since she is very sexually open. hearing about her doing sexual stuff and imagining it gets me off just as much as a visual.
i know i shouldnt do it to myself and i hate being such a cuck, but she has me by the balls when it comes to hearing and seeing new quality videos/pics of her. i use that stuff as jerk fuel for weeks. and now that escortcelling has become very difficult, im more desperate than ever.
what is your advice on how to deal with these urges? should i just say fuck it and spark up a convo with her, even though itll ultimately lead me to a state of depression (but will undoubtedly get some good jerk fuel out of it). or should i just leave it alone and have honor.
every few months ill message her and go through the usual BS: "how've you been?" " still doing X?" "still working at X?" and we will talk briefly until the responses become longer and longer apart, and i fade out to obscurity. she only responds out of kindness i guess. anyway I hate messaging her because i always get depressed/jealous at the responses, the reminders of what an incel i am, and how perfect and amazing her life is while mine is shit. the catch is that she supplies me premium grade-A jerk fuel in ways that you cant even imagine and its hard to turn that down. she will show me new pics of herself, and most of the time its sexy stuff like her at the beach in barely anything, or in nice dresses with makeup on, etc.. sometimes i wont even need pics and can get off on her words/stories alone since she is very sexually open. hearing about her doing sexual stuff and imagining it gets me off just as much as a visual.
i know i shouldnt do it to myself and i hate being such a cuck, but she has me by the balls when it comes to hearing and seeing new quality videos/pics of her. i use that stuff as jerk fuel for weeks. and now that escortcelling has become very difficult, im more desperate than ever.
what is your advice on how to deal with these urges? should i just say fuck it and spark up a convo with her, even though itll ultimately lead me to a state of depression (but will undoubtedly get some good jerk fuel out of it). or should i just leave it alone and have honor.
