During my early teens, I naively believed I was good looking. Whenever I saw myself in the mirror, I never got the impression that I was ugly. In fact, for some strange reason I thought I was "handsome" and "normal". I was aware that I was a bit underweight, but I believed that facially I was good looking.
All those delusions were shattered one day when I was around 16 or 17, after I saw some photographs of myself taken at a wedding I had attended.
I'll describe one particular photograph which has been burned into my memory: I'm sitting at a dining table with around a dozen of my male cousins who were more or less my age. 2 of them were Chads, the rest had normie tier looks. They all had full faces; their chests and arms filled up their shirts; their smiles looked good. Basically, they looked like normal humans.
In contrast, I looked sickly and abnormal. My cheeks were hollow. My neck was long with my Adam's apple bulging out. My smile exposed my crooked teeth and caused my face to shrivel up. I looked like a dried up corpse that was propped up at the dining table. I stood out as the ugliest guy in that photograph.
It obviously wasn't an issue with the lighting or the angle. The camera wasn't lying. Instead it objectively captured exactly what it saw.
The first thought that entered my mind upon looking at the photograph was something on the lines of "What the hell? That hideous.... thing... is ME? Am I that ugly?"
In complete shock and disbelief, I cried looking at that photograph. It dawned on me that all this time I was utterly delusional about my looks and that I was in fact ugly in every sense of the word. I was disgusted by my own image.
That particular photograph did some serious damage to my self esteem as it caused me to become conscious about my looks and avoid posing for photographs.
Finally, all my cousins in that accursed photograph grew up to have normal lives with girlfriends and lovers. Without exception, they are all married and settled down.
It never began for me.
All those delusions were shattered one day when I was around 16 or 17, after I saw some photographs of myself taken at a wedding I had attended.
I'll describe one particular photograph which has been burned into my memory: I'm sitting at a dining table with around a dozen of my male cousins who were more or less my age. 2 of them were Chads, the rest had normie tier looks. They all had full faces; their chests and arms filled up their shirts; their smiles looked good. Basically, they looked like normal humans.
In contrast, I looked sickly and abnormal. My cheeks were hollow. My neck was long with my Adam's apple bulging out. My smile exposed my crooked teeth and caused my face to shrivel up. I looked like a dried up corpse that was propped up at the dining table. I stood out as the ugliest guy in that photograph.
It obviously wasn't an issue with the lighting or the angle. The camera wasn't lying. Instead it objectively captured exactly what it saw.
The first thought that entered my mind upon looking at the photograph was something on the lines of "What the hell? That hideous.... thing... is ME? Am I that ugly?"
In complete shock and disbelief, I cried looking at that photograph. It dawned on me that all this time I was utterly delusional about my looks and that I was in fact ugly in every sense of the word. I was disgusted by my own image.
That particular photograph did some serious damage to my self esteem as it caused me to become conscious about my looks and avoid posing for photographs.
Finally, all my cousins in that accursed photograph grew up to have normal lives with girlfriends and lovers. Without exception, they are all married and settled down.
It never began for me.
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