In the start of this thread I’m not going to include my early childhood life, because my childhood experience was the most enjoyable period in my life. I’m going to start at the point where my life started to lead me to my destructive plan.
Year 2017
Was betrayed by one of my friends, I thought that he was the one , but came out he was just using me for money and started a rumour chain in school that I’m a fag and satanist, because I didn’t have a gf and liked Marilyn Manson music. I think about Sui for first time in my life . Calm down. Forget about it . Move on and make new contacts
Year 2018 , start of the 6th grade , 12 y.o
I experience love to a foid for the first time time. She was a friend of one dude from my class that I thought at that point was my so called “friend”, he was also one of the tallest in my class , and has somewhat mtn-htn face , anyway I told this guy what I felt to that girl (rookie fucking mistake) , after that he just started bullying me , the fag allegations also came back to the point that some classmates didn’t want to sit with me , ran away e.t.c I get a cat , name him felix , he’s a cutie , helps me to cope.
Year 2019, 7th grade , 13 y.o
Starting to make new group of friends, as will know in the future they will be the best dudes, they had the good sense of humour and overall were good and popular guys of the class, one day we were just talking about things and started a talk about what foids we like , then I tell them about that girl. It was also a valentine’s day, so they advised me to get a valentine’s card and aproach her. I approach her and give the card, she made a fake smile and said thanks , some lessons later I found out she had torn the card and threw it away with a phrase: “A card from a noname doesn’t matter to me” I am in rage , I called her a whore , even then she was laughing. I hated her but in the same fucking time I was simping ( what can you expect from bluepilled 13y.o), i started stalking her social media to the point she changed the school.
Year 2020 , 14 y.o , 8th grade
Start of covid quarantine ,i buy ps 4 enjoy gaming with friends , beat some great single player games (doom 2016 , wolfenstein 2 the new colossus, bloodborne , gta 5) , and play some multiplayer (call of duty black ops cold war zombies , og warzone, Minecraft, mk 11). Everything goes fine. Then I learn about Columbine. Idea of going NBK appeals to me, but my moralistic self starts to deny it. Then I forget about it for a couple of months Continuing my lockdown gaming experience.Having fun.
Year 2021 , 15 y.o , 9th grade
Back 2 school. Start of the new grade. I have a crush on a girl that was somewhat in our social circles. Was very awkward to talk. And then the fact that I have a crush on her comes out. She rejects me , then my friends ask her : what girl would you advise to him , that would like him. And she says: there’s no girl that would like him at all. It was brutal , but I start to simp again ( it was fuckin stupid, I know) , and she everytime makes faces like she is a queen and I am a piece of of shit ( She is 3-4/10 facially). Then I abandon idea of simping. And suddenly remember about the NBK idea , I start to watch videos about mass Er’s, I start to relate to Perpetrators , because they have so much in common with me in feelings they had. I decide to go NBK one day. But one problem is you can only obtain boomsticks being 18 y.o in my country , with complicated psychological tests , only if you pass them you can get boomsticks . It is a problem. My parents start to be concerned about my depression. And decided to go and see therapist. The therapy was a pure cope and waste of money, it didn’t help with my urge to kill and depression. Then I have crush to another girl. And then the brutality of my life starts to rise. I approach her asking for insta or something , this bitch lied to me that she has no , try to expose her asking: so what do you actually do if you have no social media . She said the worst fucking lie you can imagine in this situation. She said: I watch TV . Then I start to say that she is lying , and ask why doesn’t She want to communicate with me , she says she just doesn’t want to , I started to asking the same question again and again , until she will name the reason , suddenly she starts crying, I felt a regret for this , that time , but I don’t feel it now , I think that was the least thing that bitch deserved.Parallel with that I dream about my NBK , I dream about how I will be remembered for my deeds , how I will be praised ( naive me , nobody praises an incel NBK , even if he has motivation ) At the end of the year also starts graduation from gymnasium , in russia and in ex soviet countries you can leave school after ninth grade and go to college , or continue and go to lyceum getting the higher level of education necessary to go to institute, I get fucked mentally by my parents about exams and grades and : how I will not pass it with my grades ( my grades were on b level lol) Also our class is preparing for graduation celebration and starts to prepare a dance , we needed to take a foid as a partner in dancing, but guess what all the girls even uglies said : ewww I will not dance with him. I didn’t want to dance in the first place but after this I was fueled with rage. And my father was blaming me for not wanting to dance , but not them , my parents also have a delusion that I am the most beautiful guy , and it’s my fault that no girl wants me ( fucking stupid children of a dirty cunt , I so fuckin hate them). Year comes to an end , I pass exams , we celebrate it with my friends , summer vacation , nothing interesting happens.
Year 2022, 10th grade, 16 y.o
I start to go to another therapist , same thing as with others , no help , pure cope , wasted money . Get sick of it , try to kms for the first time , instead of support get screamed on and beaten , come to school as nothing happened . Winter period we find another “qualified” specialist try therapy with medication, medication side effects are pure hell , I become overly hyperactive, and lose Some of my cognitive abilities because of brain fog , my grades drop lower than ever, my parents think that I don’t work hard enough and scream at me every time because of grades, I can do nothing , to learn one topic I would need to sit reading it again and again for 3 hours straight.My parents shout at me every time I’m in bad mood , I can do nothing. Have some crushes get rejected again and again , have no power even to sit one hour straight without sleep feeling . I complain about medication to therapist he changes it. Get my cognitive abilities back , get back to my grade level, parents are unhappy even with this grade level , complain that I need to work harder, medication doesn’t help , therapist doesn’t help either , my father is again an asshole , tells how he cured his depression without medication and therapists by doing sports, he doesn’t know I got medication because I wanted to overdose with it, but was to pussy , was afraid of suffering , to do that.almost an ending of school period , spring, I start slowly diving into blackpill , start to hate people even more. School period comes to an end , start of the summer, dive deeper and deeper into blackpill, depressed , my parents are mad again because I’m in bad mood and don’t want to talk , because they will shout even more if I start to talk about lookism.
Year 2023-2024 , 11th grade , 17 y.o , 18 in summer.
Culmination.Start to cope with looksmaxing. Mewing - cope , bonesmashing - cope , only solution is surgery I think, start to dream about surgery , get another rejections, get to know one christian foid in school , went on a walk several times , confessed my feelings
She said she must get to know me better , I asked about how long will be this period, she said that It would be a month maybe , and then I find out she “got to know” her ex in 1-2 weeks , no need to tell that she simps for chad character from her manga’s and wants her bf to look like him. The fact that stupid bitch wants to simp for a handsome 2d picture , than to get into relationships with real people , it fucked me up pretty bad , now I hate everything and everyone , my only desire now is not to experience love, but to 3xt3rm1nate everything and myself. End of the year. I abandoned my medication. This period was unremarkable, I was just seeing how that girl that refused to give me socials is running around our school chad. Fucking hate it. Jewish fucking bitch. Then summer vacation again.
2024 July-August , nowadays
I just rot , rot not only mentally but physical , my physical health got worse , frequent panic and pain blasts , headaches , feeling of pushing in my chest, I secretly drink much alcohol , just not to be sober, and not to feel pain again , I have no purpose , my body rots inside, hate god , because if he exists , he is a sadistic bastard for making me suffer like that.Trying not to show my insides to people , because no one needs to know about NBK , my parents shout at me for minor reasons , and when I shout back they take the victim card.I hate my mom, because if my dad would get a better genetic quality woman, I would be better looking ,and my mom doesn’t want to pay money for covering my facial problems with surgeries , because: you are so beautiful , and these girls are stupid for not seeing this, no , I won’t help you to overcome my genetic fault with my money. And even with surgeries I think I will remain on normie level after them .Now I don’t want to get famous because of NBK , i just want to die , and d3str0y these peoples’ rights to live a good life, no matter what the number is going to be , I just want to go to sleep for really long , and to not wake up, and wake up only in chad’s body. I was afraid of death my whole life , things have changed . Once lying in my bed , not able to to sleep because of mental tantrum, I thought about death again , I thought that It will be scary to die, but then I started to imagining how it will be , I imagined that there’s no furniture in my room, then I took out all the lights, all the sound and then most of my thoughts. In my imagination I was in nothing and I was nothing, this is how i imagined death, and you know , it wasn’t scary or boring , it was comfortable , no thoughts , no pain , just you, float through nothing , into nothing , like never ending river that leads to nowhere. I thought this is my scripted end , culmination of story, this was a purpose of my life all the time. Now I remain only with myself , I can’t cope enjoyable copes were taken by parents, and tbh no cope gives me happiness or pleasure at all. The time bomb in my head is ready to blow one more time before my end.
TLDR: inceldom whole life , no copes , no purpose ,physical and mental pain, will kms soon NBKing
Year 2017
Was betrayed by one of my friends, I thought that he was the one , but came out he was just using me for money and started a rumour chain in school that I’m a fag and satanist, because I didn’t have a gf and liked Marilyn Manson music. I think about Sui for first time in my life . Calm down. Forget about it . Move on and make new contacts
Year 2018 , start of the 6th grade , 12 y.o
I experience love to a foid for the first time time. She was a friend of one dude from my class that I thought at that point was my so called “friend”, he was also one of the tallest in my class , and has somewhat mtn-htn face , anyway I told this guy what I felt to that girl (rookie fucking mistake) , after that he just started bullying me , the fag allegations also came back to the point that some classmates didn’t want to sit with me , ran away e.t.c I get a cat , name him felix , he’s a cutie , helps me to cope.
Year 2019, 7th grade , 13 y.o
Starting to make new group of friends, as will know in the future they will be the best dudes, they had the good sense of humour and overall were good and popular guys of the class, one day we were just talking about things and started a talk about what foids we like , then I tell them about that girl. It was also a valentine’s day, so they advised me to get a valentine’s card and aproach her. I approach her and give the card, she made a fake smile and said thanks , some lessons later I found out she had torn the card and threw it away with a phrase: “A card from a noname doesn’t matter to me” I am in rage , I called her a whore , even then she was laughing. I hated her but in the same fucking time I was simping ( what can you expect from bluepilled 13y.o), i started stalking her social media to the point she changed the school.
Year 2020 , 14 y.o , 8th grade
Start of covid quarantine ,i buy ps 4 enjoy gaming with friends , beat some great single player games (doom 2016 , wolfenstein 2 the new colossus, bloodborne , gta 5) , and play some multiplayer (call of duty black ops cold war zombies , og warzone, Minecraft, mk 11). Everything goes fine. Then I learn about Columbine. Idea of going NBK appeals to me, but my moralistic self starts to deny it. Then I forget about it for a couple of months Continuing my lockdown gaming experience.Having fun.
Year 2021 , 15 y.o , 9th grade
Back 2 school. Start of the new grade. I have a crush on a girl that was somewhat in our social circles. Was very awkward to talk. And then the fact that I have a crush on her comes out. She rejects me , then my friends ask her : what girl would you advise to him , that would like him. And she says: there’s no girl that would like him at all. It was brutal , but I start to simp again ( it was fuckin stupid, I know) , and she everytime makes faces like she is a queen and I am a piece of of shit ( She is 3-4/10 facially). Then I abandon idea of simping. And suddenly remember about the NBK idea , I start to watch videos about mass Er’s, I start to relate to Perpetrators , because they have so much in common with me in feelings they had. I decide to go NBK one day. But one problem is you can only obtain boomsticks being 18 y.o in my country , with complicated psychological tests , only if you pass them you can get boomsticks . It is a problem. My parents start to be concerned about my depression. And decided to go and see therapist. The therapy was a pure cope and waste of money, it didn’t help with my urge to kill and depression. Then I have crush to another girl. And then the brutality of my life starts to rise. I approach her asking for insta or something , this bitch lied to me that she has no , try to expose her asking: so what do you actually do if you have no social media . She said the worst fucking lie you can imagine in this situation. She said: I watch TV . Then I start to say that she is lying , and ask why doesn’t She want to communicate with me , she says she just doesn’t want to , I started to asking the same question again and again , until she will name the reason , suddenly she starts crying, I felt a regret for this , that time , but I don’t feel it now , I think that was the least thing that bitch deserved.Parallel with that I dream about my NBK , I dream about how I will be remembered for my deeds , how I will be praised ( naive me , nobody praises an incel NBK , even if he has motivation ) At the end of the year also starts graduation from gymnasium , in russia and in ex soviet countries you can leave school after ninth grade and go to college , or continue and go to lyceum getting the higher level of education necessary to go to institute, I get fucked mentally by my parents about exams and grades and : how I will not pass it with my grades ( my grades were on b level lol) Also our class is preparing for graduation celebration and starts to prepare a dance , we needed to take a foid as a partner in dancing, but guess what all the girls even uglies said : ewww I will not dance with him. I didn’t want to dance in the first place but after this I was fueled with rage. And my father was blaming me for not wanting to dance , but not them , my parents also have a delusion that I am the most beautiful guy , and it’s my fault that no girl wants me ( fucking stupid children of a dirty cunt , I so fuckin hate them). Year comes to an end , I pass exams , we celebrate it with my friends , summer vacation , nothing interesting happens.
Year 2022, 10th grade, 16 y.o
I start to go to another therapist , same thing as with others , no help , pure cope , wasted money . Get sick of it , try to kms for the first time , instead of support get screamed on and beaten , come to school as nothing happened . Winter period we find another “qualified” specialist try therapy with medication, medication side effects are pure hell , I become overly hyperactive, and lose Some of my cognitive abilities because of brain fog , my grades drop lower than ever, my parents think that I don’t work hard enough and scream at me every time because of grades, I can do nothing , to learn one topic I would need to sit reading it again and again for 3 hours straight.My parents shout at me every time I’m in bad mood , I can do nothing. Have some crushes get rejected again and again , have no power even to sit one hour straight without sleep feeling . I complain about medication to therapist he changes it. Get my cognitive abilities back , get back to my grade level, parents are unhappy even with this grade level , complain that I need to work harder, medication doesn’t help , therapist doesn’t help either , my father is again an asshole , tells how he cured his depression without medication and therapists by doing sports, he doesn’t know I got medication because I wanted to overdose with it, but was to pussy , was afraid of suffering , to do that.almost an ending of school period , spring, I start slowly diving into blackpill , start to hate people even more. School period comes to an end , start of the summer, dive deeper and deeper into blackpill, depressed , my parents are mad again because I’m in bad mood and don’t want to talk , because they will shout even more if I start to talk about lookism.
Year 2023-2024 , 11th grade , 17 y.o , 18 in summer.
Culmination.Start to cope with looksmaxing. Mewing - cope , bonesmashing - cope , only solution is surgery I think, start to dream about surgery , get another rejections, get to know one christian foid in school , went on a walk several times , confessed my feelings
She said she must get to know me better , I asked about how long will be this period, she said that It would be a month maybe , and then I find out she “got to know” her ex in 1-2 weeks , no need to tell that she simps for chad character from her manga’s and wants her bf to look like him. The fact that stupid bitch wants to simp for a handsome 2d picture , than to get into relationships with real people , it fucked me up pretty bad , now I hate everything and everyone , my only desire now is not to experience love, but to 3xt3rm1nate everything and myself. End of the year. I abandoned my medication. This period was unremarkable, I was just seeing how that girl that refused to give me socials is running around our school chad. Fucking hate it. Jewish fucking bitch. Then summer vacation again.
2024 July-August , nowadays
I just rot , rot not only mentally but physical , my physical health got worse , frequent panic and pain blasts , headaches , feeling of pushing in my chest, I secretly drink much alcohol , just not to be sober, and not to feel pain again , I have no purpose , my body rots inside, hate god , because if he exists , he is a sadistic bastard for making me suffer like that.Trying not to show my insides to people , because no one needs to know about NBK , my parents shout at me for minor reasons , and when I shout back they take the victim card.I hate my mom, because if my dad would get a better genetic quality woman, I would be better looking ,and my mom doesn’t want to pay money for covering my facial problems with surgeries , because: you are so beautiful , and these girls are stupid for not seeing this, no , I won’t help you to overcome my genetic fault with my money. And even with surgeries I think I will remain on normie level after them .Now I don’t want to get famous because of NBK , i just want to die , and d3str0y these peoples’ rights to live a good life, no matter what the number is going to be , I just want to go to sleep for really long , and to not wake up, and wake up only in chad’s body. I was afraid of death my whole life , things have changed . Once lying in my bed , not able to to sleep because of mental tantrum, I thought about death again , I thought that It will be scary to die, but then I started to imagining how it will be , I imagined that there’s no furniture in my room, then I took out all the lights, all the sound and then most of my thoughts. In my imagination I was in nothing and I was nothing, this is how i imagined death, and you know , it wasn’t scary or boring , it was comfortable , no thoughts , no pain , just you, float through nothing , into nothing , like never ending river that leads to nowhere. I thought this is my scripted end , culmination of story, this was a purpose of my life all the time. Now I remain only with myself , I can’t cope enjoyable copes were taken by parents, and tbh no cope gives me happiness or pleasure at all. The time bomb in my head is ready to blow one more time before my end.
TLDR: inceldom whole life , no copes , no purpose ,physical and mental pain, will kms soon NBKing
