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Blackpill Hikikomori: Why are so many Japanese men refusing to leave their rooms?

InMemoriam

InMemoriam

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Hikikomori: Why are so many Japanese men refusing to leave their rooms?​

  • By William Kremer and Claudia Hammond
  • BBC World Service
5 July 2013
A messy hikikomori room

IMAGE SOURCE,UNKNOWN
As many as a million young people in Japan are thought to remain holed up in their homes - sometimes for decades at a time. Why?
For Hide, the problems started when he gave up school.
"I started to blame myself and my parents also blamed me for not going to school. The pressure started to build up," he says.
"Then, gradually, I became afraid to go out and fearful of meeting people. And then I couldn't get out of my house."

Gradually, Hide relinquished all communication with friends and eventually, his parents. To avoid seeing them he slept through the day and sat up all night, watching TV.
"I had all kinds of negative emotions inside me," he says. "The desire to go outside, anger towards society and my parents, sadness about having this condition, fear about what would happen in the future, and jealousy towards the people who were leading normal lives."
Hide had become "withdrawn" or hikikomori.
In Japan, hikikomori, a term that's also used to describe the young people who withdraw, is a word that everyone knows.
Tamaki Saito was a newly qualified psychiatrist when, in the early 1990s, he was struck by the number of parents who sought his help with children who had quit school and hidden themselves away for months and sometimes years at a time. These young people were often from middle-class families, they were almost always male, and the average age for their withdrawal was 15.
It might sound like straightforward teenage laziness. Why not stay in your room while your parents wait on you? But Saito says sufferers are paralysed by profound social fears.
"They are tormented in the mind," he says. "They want to go out in the world, they want to make friends or lovers, but they can't."
Symptoms vary between patients. For some, violent outbursts alternate with infantile behaviour such as pawing at the mother's body. Other patients might be obsessive, paranoid and depressed.
When Saito began his research, social withdrawal was not unknown, but it was treated by doctors as a symptom of other underlying problems rather than a pattern of behaviour requiring special treatment.
Since he drew attention to the phenomenon, it is thought the numbers of hikikomori have increased. A conservative estimate of the number of people now affected is 200,000, but a 2010 survey for the Japanese Cabinet Office came back with a much higher figure - 700,000. Since sufferers are by definition hidden away, Saito himself places the figure higher still, at around one million.
The average age of hikikomori also seems to have risen over the last two decades. Before it was 21 - now it is 32.
So why do they withdraw?
The trigger for a boy retreating to his bedroom might be comparatively slight - poor grades or a broken heart, for example - but the withdrawal itself can become a source of trauma. And powerful social forces can conspire to keep him there.
One such force is sekentei, a person's reputation in the community and the pressure he or she feels to impress others. The longer hikikomori remain apart from society, the more aware they become of their social failure. They lose whatever self-esteem and confidence they had and the prospect of leaving home becomes ever more terrifying.
Parents are also conscious of their social standing and frequently wait for months before seeking professional help.
A comic strip from Welcome to NHK!

IMAGE SOURCE,KADOKAWA SHOTEN
Image caption,
"I don't want to talk to anybody. I don't want to do anything. I don't even have the will to pick up the phone. Just what am I supposed to do?" Welcome to NHK! was a novel, comic book and cartoon about the life of a hikikomori. (Copyright Tatsuhiko TAKIMOTO 2004, Kendi OIWA 2004. Published by KADOKAWASHOTEN.)
A second social factor is the amae - dependence - that characterises Japanese family relationships. Young women traditionally live with their parents until marriage, and men may never move out of the family home. Even though about half of hikikomori are violent towards their parents, for most families it would be unthinkable to throw them out.
But in exchange for decades of support for their children, parents expect them to show respect and fulfil their role in society of getting a job.
Matsu became hikikomori after he fell out with his parents about his career and university course.
"I was very well mentally, but my parents pushed me the way I didn't want to go," he says. "My father is an artist and he runs his own business - he wanted me to do the same." But Matsu wanted to become a computer programmer in a large firm - one of corporate Japan's army of "salarymen".
"But my father said: 'In the future there won't be a society like that.' He said: 'Don't become a salaryman.'"
Like many hikikomori, Matsu was the eldest son and felt the full weight of parental expectation. He grew furious when he saw his younger brother doing what he wanted. "I became violent and had to live separately from my family," he says.
One way to interpret Matsu's story is see him as being at the faultline of a cultural shift in Japan.
"Traditionally, Japanese psychology was thought to be group-oriented - Japanese people do not want to stand out in a group," says Yuriko Suzuki, a psychologist at the National Institute for Mental Health in Tokyo. "But I think especially for the younger generation, they want more individualised or personalised care and attention. I think we are in a mixed state."
But even hikikomori who desperately want to fulfil their parents' plans for them may find themselves frustrated.
Andy Furlong, an academic at the University of Glasgow specialising in the transition from education to work, connects the growth of the hikikomori phenomenon with the popping of the 1980s "bubble economy" and the onset of Japan's recession of the 1990s.
It was at this point that the conveyor belt of good school grades leading to good university places leading to jobs-for-life broke down. A generation of Japanese were faced with the insecurity of short-term, part-time work.
And it came with stigma, not sympathy.
Job-hopping Japanese were called "freeters" - a combination of the word "freelance" and the German word for "worker", arbeiter. In political discussion, freeters were frequently bundled together with "neets" - an adopted British acronym meaning "not in education, employment or training". Neets, freeters, hikikomori - these were ways of describing the good-for-nothing younger generation, parasites on the flagging Japanese economy. The older generation, who graduated and slotted into steady careers in the 1960s and 1970s, could not relate to them.
"The opportunities have changed fundamentally," says Furlong. "I don't think the families always know how to handle that."
Japanese men celebrating with fists in the air

IMAGE SOURCE,GETTY IMAGES
Image caption,
University graduates at a job-hunting fair in February... but freeters, neets and hikikomori find themselves on the periphery of Japan's labour market
A common reaction is for parents to treat their recalcitrant son with anger, to lecture them and make them feel guilty for bringing shame on the family. The risk here is that - as with Hide - communication with parents may break down altogether. But some parents have been driven to extreme measures.
For a time one company operating in Nagoya could be hired by parents to burst into their children's rooms, give them a big dressing down, and forcibly drag them away to a dormitory to learn the error of their ways.
Kazuhiko Saito, the director of the psychiatry department at Kohnodai Hospital in Chiba, says that sudden interventions - even by healthcare professionals - can prove disastrous.
"In many cases, the patient becomes violent towards the staff or the parents in front of the counsellors, or after the counsellors have left," he says.
Kazuhiko Saito is in favour of healthcare professionals visiting hikikomori, but he says they must be fully briefed on the patient, who must know in advance that they are coming.
In any case, the do-nothing approach has been shown not to work. Tamaki Saito likens the hikikomori state to alcoholism, in that it is impossible to give up without a support network.
His approach is to begin with "reorganising" the relationship between the patient and his parents, arming desperate mothers and fathers with strategies to restart communication with their children. When the patient is well enough to come to the clinic in person he can be treated with drugs and therapy. Group therapy is a relatively new concept to Japanese psychology, but self-help groups have become a key way of drawing hikikomori into wider society.
For both Hide and Matsu, the journey to recovery was helped by visiting a charity-run youth club in Tokyo known as an ibasho - a safe place for visitors to start reintroducing themselves to society.
Both men have made progress in their relationships with their parents. Matsu has been for a job interview as a computer programmer, and Hide has a part-time job. He thinks that by starting to talk again with his parents, the whole family has been able to move on.
"They thought about their way of life in the past and in the future," he says. "I think that before - even though they were out working - their mental attitude was just like a hikikomori, but now they're more open and honest with themselves. So as their child I'm very happy to see them change."
Many parents of hikikomori visit the ibasho even though their children may never be well enough to come with them.
Yoshiko's son withdrew from society very gradually when he was 22.
At first he would go out to buy shopping, but she observes ruefully that internet shopping means this is no longer necessary and he no longer leaves the house. He is now 50 years old.
"I think my son is losing the power or desire to do what he wants to do," she says. "Maybe he used to have something he wanted to do but I think I ruined it."
 
buried_alive

buried_alive

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I don't know how trustworthy this is. I mean, hikkikomori do exist, but why this article doesn't mention anything related to dating? It's also from 10 years ago.
 
Tactical Cope

Tactical Cope

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It's over for ricecels
 
ADHD_cel

ADHD_cel

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Kek even my messy room mogs
 
Sheogorath

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They always put the onus on the men. Men are meant to be fulfilled by sex with women, they wuold leave their rooms if there were realistic aspirations of that.
Hikikomori would be solved overnight if girls were willing to love us.
 
Spongebozz

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Love is a spectrum and everyone is capable of some minute level of it
They may have positive feelings for you and/or respect you but they will never be able to love you unconditionally like a man loves a woman. A man will go through hell for a woman and a woman wouldn't even sacrifice her little finger if your live would depend on it
 
hollowcel

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because they are incel
 
Sheogorath

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They may have positive feelings for you and/or respect you but they will never be able to love you unconditionally like a man loves a woman. A man will go through hell for a woman and a woman wouldn't even sacrifice her little finger if your live would depend on it
Even though our love is less conditional and more resilient than women's, it is not unconditional.
Male love is not equal, some of us love more deeply than other men. Depends on the man feeling the love and the woman he feels it for.
There is of course a pattern of us caring more for women than vice versa but it doesn't require speaking in absolutes to discuss it
 
K

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Because society is inherently evil
 
Spongebozz

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Even though our love is less conditional and more resilient than women's, it is not unconditional.
Male love is not equal, some of us love more deeply than other men. Depends on the man feeling the love and the woman he feels it for.
There is of course a pattern of us caring more for women than vice versa but it doesn't require speaking in absolutes to discuss it
sounds like you're a simp
 
GloriousFight

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There’s no developed country other than Japan that has such strong social pressure to perform and conform

Not surprising many people especially men just decide to LDAR
 
M

Murdoch89

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I don't blame these men, the world is such a horrible place, it's better to just stay in your comfort zone
 
bimmercel

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They may have positive feelings for you and/or respect you but they will never be able to love you unconditionally like a man loves a woman. A man will go through hell for a woman and a woman wouldn't even sacrifice her little finger if your live would depend on it
Then watch how they act and look at chad and then repeat it.
 
Spongebozz

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Then watch how they act and look at chad and then repeat it.
I'm talking about normies. Normies would sacrifice everything for their wife/girlfriend while their wife/girlfriend wouldn't sacrifice anything because she views him as replaceble
 
Sheogorath

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I'm talking about normies. Normies would sacrifice everything for their wife/girlfriend while their wife/girlfriend wouldn't sacrifice anything because she views him as replaceble
It's not quite that absolute.

Most normy guys would not sacrifice "everything" - but they would sacrifice a LOT
Most normy girls WOULD sacrifice "something" - but it would be relatively minor and only if it was a favorable tradeoff for them

I'm sure lots of GFs out there would cook a bit of chicken soup for their betabux BF for virtue-signalling good-girl points.
The problem is that they would have limits on that far more finite than the limits men will tend to go to.

The problem when you talk about unrealistic absolutes is if you tell people "girls won't do a damn thing" then the second a girl does a tiny thing for them, guys will think "she's a magic unicorn" or "the blackpill is meaningless, they're entirely lying to me about foids"

That's why I think it's important to avoid talking in absolutes and be realistic when we describe these trends. Honesty and being believed is important for community confidence.
 
Spongebozz

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It's not quite that absolute.

Most normy guys would not sacrifice "everything" - but they would sacrifice a LOT
Most normy girls WOULD sacrifice "something" - but it would be relatively minor and only if it was a favorable tradeoff for them

I'm sure lots of GFs out there would cook a bit of chicken soup for their betabux BF for virtue-signalling good-girl points.
The problem is that they would have limits on that far more finite than the limits men will tend to go to.

The problem when you talk about unrealistic absolutes is if you tell people "girls won't do a damn thing" then the second a girl does a tiny thing for them, guys will think "she's a magic unicorn" or "the blackpill is meaningless, they're entirely lying to me about foids"

That's why I think it's important to avoid talking in absolutes and be realistic when we describe these trends. Honesty and being believed is important for community confidence.
The point i'm trying to make is that men are willing to sacrifice way more than a woman and are able to focus one woman while women (compared) aren't ready to sacrifice minor things most time. A women is hypergamous and will always date up. When she is together with Chad for a weeks and sees an even better looking Chad she will throw away the previous Chad like a piece of trash.
 
Sheogorath

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The point i'm trying to make is that men are willing to sacrifice way more than a woman and are able to focus one woman while women (compared) aren't ready to sacrifice minor things most time. A women is hypergamous and will always date up. When she is together with Chad for a weeks and sees an even better looking Chad she will throw away the previous Chad like a piece of trash.
I agree so far as the comparative sacrifice.

I do think female hypergamous behavior can be more subtle though.

When she wants to upgrade from Chadlite to Gigachad, for example, it's not quite as instantaneous as you'd make it seem.

I believe instinctively she wants to flip immediately but some of them may slow-walk it to creative a scenario where they seem justified (at least to others, possibly also to their own inner monologue) in making the change.

IE "I'm just befriending Gigachad, don't be jealous Chadlite"

and she may not immediately make an overt sexual pass at gigachad, but put herself in his orbit so he thinks about fucking her and tries hitting on her progressively
basically she will find gradual ways to alienate the Chadlite BF so she can view herself as "thrust into the arms of gigachad"
and in the end will find herself blameless for the change and chadlite entirely to blame

This isn't just for her social reputation but also she doesn't want to seem too slutty for her new gigachad BF r he won't value her as much
 
bimmercel

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I'm talking about normies. Normies would sacrifice everything for their wife/girlfriend while their wife/girlfriend wouldn't sacrifice anything because she views him as replaceble
Dont talk shit nowhere in text was written that you meant normies.
 
Made in Heaven

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This is why it always makes me laugh when snow nigger stormfront cucks praise japan as a model culture. It's a dying culture that has ZERO respect or care for it's men. Zero.
 
UnwantedVirgin

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How many of these guys eventually leave and find gfs?
 
D

Dokes

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These Nipcels are lucky they are rich and have the luxury of being a loafercel but for those that have to earn a living its pure hell
 
mlcurrycel

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This is why it always makes me laugh when snow nigger stormfront cucks praise japan as a model culture. It's a dying culture that has ZERO respect or care for it's men. Zero.
It's also weirdly accepting of infidelity
 
IncelKing

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Very few, to be hiki in the first place means they are probably mentalcel

Yeah, you’ll likely become a mentalcel when society treats you like garbage due to your ugly looks
 
Rotter

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Yeah, you’ll likely become a mentalcel when society treats you like garbage due to your ugly looks
It's more than just that. Japanese society is very intense, which creates mental illness as a byproduct. Most hikis are just trying to avoid a lifetime of wageslavery.
 
SeetheBot9000

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For most Japanese also if you miss the minute window of opportunity post school/college to get into work you are fucked. You are basically never going to be able to have a job. To be fair, that is a big factor in the west too. It is also why I am basically fucked into being an otaku NEET forever. I don't know why none of the articles covering this phenomenon ever talk about this. Like, even if half of us hikkis wanted to re-enter society, no one wants to hire us, so how the FUCK are we supposed to do anything?
 
buried_alive

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For most Japanese also if you miss the minute window of opportunity post school/college to get into work you are fucked. You are basically never going to be able to have a job. To be fair, that is a big factor in the west too.
This is extremely true. It happened to me and I had to restart my life in a different field. I unintentionally wasted my 20s in a degree that amounted to absolutely nothing.
 
Orzmund

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I have been a NEET before, it isn't so glamorous.
 
turbosperg

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The longer hikikomori remain apart from society, the more aware they become of their social failure. They lose whatever self-esteem and confidence they had
Just don't be aware of the fact that you're a social failure theory.

Also: just don't lose your confidence and self esteem theory.

Now that we've made a society in which very few men are treated with decency, I wonder why so many men chose to withdraw from it. Gee, such a mystery!
 
EternalStorm

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For most Japanese also if you miss the minute window of opportunity post school/college to get into work you are fucked. You are basically never going to be able to have a job. To be fair, that is a big factor in the west too. It is also why I am basically fucked into being an otaku NEET forever. I don't know why none of the articles covering this phenomenon ever talk about this. Like, even if half of us hikkis wanted to re-enter society, no one wants to hire us, so how the FUCK are we supposed to do anything?
 
To koniec

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Most normy guys would not sacrifice "everything" - but they would sacrifice a LOT
Most normy girls WOULD sacrifice "something" - but it would be relatively minor and only if it was a favorable tradeoff for them
 
Lonelyus

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Ironic enough his name was "Hide" Aka hiding
 
To koniec

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This is why it always makes me laugh when snow nigger stormfront cucks praise japan as a model culture. It's a dying culture that has ZERO respect or care for it's men. Zero.
well it's not only sfcels anymore it's entire world due to anime and kpop too
 

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