Dear Moneyist,
I have never been married or bought a home before. The guy I am with said we would marry on April 18. He then decided to delay and buy a foreclosure and told me this all on April 16. I was shocked, to say the least. He owns a home already and said that he did not plan to put me on the mortgage or deed even after we were married. I, again, was in shock. He said I could just pay some of the bills and “rent” to him. He claims he did not involve me in getting the loan, because I don’t make as much money as him and that would affect the mortgage rate.
I have very good credit. He knows this. I thought my credit could have helped us. Would it have? I even offered to sell some of my stocks to help with a down payment. I may have never owned a home or made a substantial amount of money, but my credit is good. I wanted to enter marriage first and then buy a home together, not have him do this all solo and spring it on me. I wanted skin-in-the-game, so to speak, so I feel like we both have ownership and a part in this marriage.
Is it a good idea to enter into a marriage like this? Is he just trying to take advantage of my naiveté? I understand I would not have any rights to the property, even if we got married, is that true? This house is in Winthrop Harbor, Ill. I wanted him to look at houses right over the border in Pleasant Prairie, Wis. because the taxes are substantially lower. He insisted no. I thought it odd because he is always about saving money, especially in taxes. My suspicion is that it is differs in property rights somehow. Does it? What benefits is he getting from all of this?
I don’t feel he is looking out for both of us and, perhaps, is only looking out for himself. Can you enlighten me on how this works and is he trying to take advantage of me? He is 45 and I am 42. Would you enter into marriage with someone under these measures? This would be both of our first marriages. I don’t want to be made a fool or just keep giving him money as “rent” without ownership of some type. He claims I have a house to live in and I shouldn’t complain.
It makes me sad because everyone I know who is married shares the house mortgage, deed, etc., even if the wife makes less or does not work. Is it normal for me to think that is just what happens in marriage?
