Since early childhood, I've always kept to myself and made an effort to be productive, but I have never felt like anything aside from a giant collection of small mistakes in the eyes of my immediate family.
Despite this, I was an average student at my worst and top of my district at best, got perfect scores on state exams twice, always attempted to be useful, never spoke often, yet they, especially my parents, were never nice to me for more than five seconds at a time. Why?
This is the case for me even now, despite me only showing up every once in a while. It just seems like a running stream of verbal quips, insults, and comparisons. I never screw up at anything, I'm not a failure, I don't make risky discussions, I'm not retarded, I don't make sounds or move uncontrollably, I never argue with them, so why? Isn't this just a grand consequence for existing as me? My value shouldn't come from what all those other sexhavers are doing, I'm an individual.
Still, what have I ever done about it? What, say sorry or laugh it off and act as though I don't mind? When I type it out, it seems so pathetic. Like a half-dead rabbit waiting for birds of prey to claw at its eyes again. The rabbit dances and attempts to please them with gifts, yet the gluttonous beasts turn up their beaks and tear flesh instead. Such is the fate for I, and all else here attempting to please the masses, for the dance is only part of the meal.
My grandparents are very kind though. I just wish that my dreams could come true and give me a cute/well-mannered girl who truly loves me. That'll make everyone else look stupid, won't it?
Despite this, I was an average student at my worst and top of my district at best, got perfect scores on state exams twice, always attempted to be useful, never spoke often, yet they, especially my parents, were never nice to me for more than five seconds at a time. Why?
This is the case for me even now, despite me only showing up every once in a while. It just seems like a running stream of verbal quips, insults, and comparisons. I never screw up at anything, I'm not a failure, I don't make risky discussions, I'm not retarded, I don't make sounds or move uncontrollably, I never argue with them, so why? Isn't this just a grand consequence for existing as me? My value shouldn't come from what all those other sexhavers are doing, I'm an individual.
Still, what have I ever done about it? What, say sorry or laugh it off and act as though I don't mind? When I type it out, it seems so pathetic. Like a half-dead rabbit waiting for birds of prey to claw at its eyes again. The rabbit dances and attempts to please them with gifts, yet the gluttonous beasts turn up their beaks and tear flesh instead. Such is the fate for I, and all else here attempting to please the masses, for the dance is only part of the meal.
My grandparents are very kind though. I just wish that my dreams could come true and give me a cute/well-mannered girl who truly loves me. That'll make everyone else look stupid, won't it?
