Oh boy. Lemme preface by saying, I thought I was a pretty normal seeming guy. Jolly, even, to an extent! I didn't think anyone had reason to think I was up to anything. And I'm not up to anything.
But I made the mistake of doing the "Finger Guns" gesture to people. I don't know when I started and I can't count the times I did it, I can't even remember the last time I did it. Because I thought it was such a non-issue. It would be like asking me when the last time I waved at someone was. I just do it. But I've been finger gunning people at work when I see them in the halls or in the elevator or where ever. Just to be like "Hey, what's up, I see you, keep your chin up it's almost 5:00." And so my boss, he calls me in. Asks me to sit down. Asks me to close the door. And he's like "I've been getting some reports..."
And at first I'm like "Oh, God, if this is about the leisurely Internet browsing, I'm still getting my work done, you can check my dropbox aren't I a good employee???" But he says it's about me doing "Finger Guns" at people. And I'm like "Uhhhhh... I... think I did?" And like I said I was really struggling to remember if I did because why wouldn't I have? I don't know the specifics but it's just a thing that I thought people did. And he's all "We need to not be doing that, it can be construed as hostile." And fair enough. I can curtail the finger gunning. It's one of those HR things. I'm not hard up because I can't finger gun people.
But then he's like "But ALSO... there's the matter of your Internet history..." See, my boss has bosses. And his bosses told him that I've apparently been looking up guns and stuff online? They saw that in my history? And they wanted him to check on me to make sure I'm not planning some kind of spree or whatever? And so I'm like "Ohhhhh... now I see what this is." First of all, again, I don't remember looking up guns. I have no reason to look up guns. I even checked my history. Couldn't find anything recent, anyway. But my boss waves it off. "Eh, probably just something that happened to come up, you probably weren't looking specifically for guns..."
He sent me back to my cubicle. Now, if my only crime is finger gunning and potentially maybe accidentally stumbling upon a picture of a gun once online, I don't think they would've knocked my hustle. They looked into this because they had strong reason to suspect I was some kind of shooter. And so now I'm like, where did I go wrong? Surely not the finger guns. Do I just look like I'm weighed down with mental issues? And so for the rest of the day I'm just taking inventory of how I come off to my co-workers. Suddenly I realize, maybe I don't talk enough. Maybe they think I'm a creep. In a suspicious kind of way. And THAT'S why I was called in for the inquiry. I matched a pattern. Which means there's a pattern people/employers are looking at and comparing us to.
So... good men, if you care about your slave wages, try not to "contribute to a hostile work environment."
But I made the mistake of doing the "Finger Guns" gesture to people. I don't know when I started and I can't count the times I did it, I can't even remember the last time I did it. Because I thought it was such a non-issue. It would be like asking me when the last time I waved at someone was. I just do it. But I've been finger gunning people at work when I see them in the halls or in the elevator or where ever. Just to be like "Hey, what's up, I see you, keep your chin up it's almost 5:00." And so my boss, he calls me in. Asks me to sit down. Asks me to close the door. And he's like "I've been getting some reports..."
And at first I'm like "Oh, God, if this is about the leisurely Internet browsing, I'm still getting my work done, you can check my dropbox aren't I a good employee???" But he says it's about me doing "Finger Guns" at people. And I'm like "Uhhhhh... I... think I did?" And like I said I was really struggling to remember if I did because why wouldn't I have? I don't know the specifics but it's just a thing that I thought people did. And he's all "We need to not be doing that, it can be construed as hostile." And fair enough. I can curtail the finger gunning. It's one of those HR things. I'm not hard up because I can't finger gun people.
But then he's like "But ALSO... there's the matter of your Internet history..." See, my boss has bosses. And his bosses told him that I've apparently been looking up guns and stuff online? They saw that in my history? And they wanted him to check on me to make sure I'm not planning some kind of spree or whatever? And so I'm like "Ohhhhh... now I see what this is." First of all, again, I don't remember looking up guns. I have no reason to look up guns. I even checked my history. Couldn't find anything recent, anyway. But my boss waves it off. "Eh, probably just something that happened to come up, you probably weren't looking specifically for guns..."
He sent me back to my cubicle. Now, if my only crime is finger gunning and potentially maybe accidentally stumbling upon a picture of a gun once online, I don't think they would've knocked my hustle. They looked into this because they had strong reason to suspect I was some kind of shooter. And so now I'm like, where did I go wrong? Surely not the finger guns. Do I just look like I'm weighed down with mental issues? And so for the rest of the day I'm just taking inventory of how I come off to my co-workers. Suddenly I realize, maybe I don't talk enough. Maybe they think I'm a creep. In a suspicious kind of way. And THAT'S why I was called in for the inquiry. I matched a pattern. Which means there's a pattern people/employers are looking at and comparing us to.
So... good men, if you care about your slave wages, try not to "contribute to a hostile work environment."
