bigantennaemay1
Aspie social drifter without purpose or home
★★★★★
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2017
- Posts
- 15,548
I woke up about an hour ago, but much of that nightmare is still fresh in my memory. Go figure. The fucking prick made my life more hell in grade school than it already was, and as a result, I'm haunted by even the memory of him so many years later. It's been more than a decade since I've gone to school with that fuck, though I have seen him around a couple of times in my adult life. Thankfully, I haven't had to interact with that overgrown piece of shit in my adult years, at least.
In my nightmare he was pulling the usual shit that he did when we were in grade school. The weird thing about it was that I was an adult in the dream, and in my college class. One of my current college instructors was there, but fat load of help she was. She did the same thing my teachers in grade school did: when my bully was done tormenting me, and nobody stepping in and helping out, I threw some words of vitriol at him, a death threat if you will ( relax, it was in a dream ), and of course, that's what caught my instructor's attention. He triggered my claustrophobia in my dream, too. Pretty badly, I might add. I think it caused me to become lucid for a brief minute; I swear I felt my real body twitching when it happened. He was always a really big dude (well over 6' tall as an adult irl), and he had me cornered, and he was closing in. It felt like a mountain was moving in on me, shutting off the already limited space I was occupying, and suffocating me. I feel ashamed that I let that situation trigger my phobia.
The scientific studies on the subject were right. Bullies win in life, and their victims lose. So many years later and I'm still haunted and scarred by what he did to me, still seeing him in my nightmares, struggling to make something of myself in life, and I'm a full-blown incel. Meanwhile, that prick is doing well for himself financially, and has a wife and at least one kid. There is no justice in this world. He doesn't deserve a good life. He deserves a thrashing, and loneliness. And before a religiouscel pipes in with nonsense cope, fuck you. He's not getting his just desserts in an afterlife, and I'm not going to cope by trying to believe that shit. He'll live out his happy life while I remain stuck in a dark corner, nursing my psychological and emotional wounds. If there is a god or gods, they are pure evil, and do not deserve to be worshiped for allowing this bullshit to happen.
Of course, this bully wasn't my only bully growing up. I had quite a few of them. But he was one of the main ones. I still remember his name, but I won't say it here. Believe me, it's not to protect him; he's an asshole and deserves to be doxxed. But if he gets doxxed, I get doxxed. I don't want that. At least not the latter bit. What I want is for my torment to be over.
In my nightmare he was pulling the usual shit that he did when we were in grade school. The weird thing about it was that I was an adult in the dream, and in my college class. One of my current college instructors was there, but fat load of help she was. She did the same thing my teachers in grade school did: when my bully was done tormenting me, and nobody stepping in and helping out, I threw some words of vitriol at him, a death threat if you will ( relax, it was in a dream ), and of course, that's what caught my instructor's attention. He triggered my claustrophobia in my dream, too. Pretty badly, I might add. I think it caused me to become lucid for a brief minute; I swear I felt my real body twitching when it happened. He was always a really big dude (well over 6' tall as an adult irl), and he had me cornered, and he was closing in. It felt like a mountain was moving in on me, shutting off the already limited space I was occupying, and suffocating me. I feel ashamed that I let that situation trigger my phobia.
The scientific studies on the subject were right. Bullies win in life, and their victims lose. So many years later and I'm still haunted and scarred by what he did to me, still seeing him in my nightmares, struggling to make something of myself in life, and I'm a full-blown incel. Meanwhile, that prick is doing well for himself financially, and has a wife and at least one kid. There is no justice in this world. He doesn't deserve a good life. He deserves a thrashing, and loneliness. And before a religiouscel pipes in with nonsense cope, fuck you. He's not getting his just desserts in an afterlife, and I'm not going to cope by trying to believe that shit. He'll live out his happy life while I remain stuck in a dark corner, nursing my psychological and emotional wounds. If there is a god or gods, they are pure evil, and do not deserve to be worshiped for allowing this bullshit to happen.
Of course, this bully wasn't my only bully growing up. I had quite a few of them. But he was one of the main ones. I still remember his name, but I won't say it here. Believe me, it's not to protect him; he's an asshole and deserves to be doxxed. But if he gets doxxed, I get doxxed. I don't want that. At least not the latter bit. What I want is for my torment to be over.