Going from numbness to feeling something is so incredibly scary

[Deleted member 7448]

I'm emotionally numb most of the time. I just go through the motions. I might laugh, smile or be angry - but those things last mere seconds and are just on the surface level.

But sometimes I do feel- when I allow myself to think of all the wrong things I've done, of all my regrets, of all the things that I did and didn't do, of how I hurt the two people that ever loved me, of the ungratefulness that I've showed, of the chances few people get I had and the potential that I squandered.

But I don't dare allow myself to feel too often. It's scary. It's one of the worst feelings in the world. I guess this is why I spend most of my time glued to my laptop rewatching the same sitcoms the 30th time or playing the same game. I keep my mind distracted so I would not feel.

Nowadays I can't even listen to sad music or watch sad movies any more. If I start to feel I'm afraid of were my mind will lead me.

 

[turbocuckcel_7000]

That's not surprising, most people can't handle self awareness, and I can't handle it either for most of my life
In fact a lot of problems can be so bad that they cannot be talked about. E.g talking frankly about how you have no friends and no girls and nothing at all going on when you're 17-18-19 is almost impossible, even though that's when it's most important to try and get the problem fixed.

I dunno, I've been self aware since early 2018 and it's been a constant panic, it's when I realised that what I want still exists and some people have it, and right under my nose.

 

[Michael15651]

Doesn't sound like a fun time.

 

[Deleted member 8353]

It's infrequent but there are times where I'll be reminded of my life and I'll begin to get extremely sad, but it can be good to let yourself feel sometimes just to let it out.

 

[Joelossus]

This usually happens to me whenever i smoke weed, hence why i don't do it anymore ngl.

 

[NocturnalDecay]

Dude for me it's the complete opposite

 

[Deleted member 16455]

Nowadays I can't even listen to sad music or watch sad movies any more. If I start to feel I'm afraid of were my mind will lead me.

same here bud. I listen to gangster rap for this exact reason