I find each day to be harder than the last. I have less things to occupy my mind with. I go weeks without any touch, honestly can’t remember the last time I touched anyone that’s not a family member . I get panic attacks and sweat heavily at night laying in my bed , as my loneliness weighs heavy on me and I take an objective look at my life.. I’ve had a handful of acquaintances in my life, most when I was young .. and one or two friends in high school that lasted for about 2 years .. that’s it . I’m turning 25 soon , and for >99% of my existence, I’ve been alone in every way.. it’s just getting too hard to find meaning in anything . Can’t even watch movies anymore. I don’t want to moneymax anymore.. i really don’t want to do anything .. I find myself thinking about suicide more and more often .. just the thought of it is a good cope. I fear that if things don’t get better , I may never have the courage to end it and will spend another 50 years like this .. I really don’t know how to handle this . When I was a kid I had all these plans and this vision of how life was supposed to be .. nowadays a great accomplishment is going one day without a panic attack or suicidal thought, or thinking about my lost youth. I didn’t even get a chance to be young in this lifetime . I spent my youth alone in my room. Just my fucking luck . Everything has sucked from day one. I’m not having a good time.
I just take it an hour at a time now.. I hope something changes soon. I need to change something. I can’t be alone anymore. I feel it hurting physically. I feel like my biological being is ageing at a rate of a year per day. I feel like my brain is deteriorating . I can’t sleep unless I’ve been up for like 18+ hours and am suuuper tired , otherwise my mind races and I can’t fall asleep.. my days are like 28 hours long so I’m sometimes awake the whole night , sometimes the whole day... it’s all over the place .. I’m on heavy hair loss meds and I think I’m still going bald just from the stress alone.. ive never imagined that I could be Under this much stress, and be this empty, this (relatively) early in life.. my life is already over, and it never even started.
I just take it an hour at a time now.. I hope something changes soon. I need to change something. I can’t be alone anymore. I feel it hurting physically. I feel like my biological being is ageing at a rate of a year per day. I feel like my brain is deteriorating . I can’t sleep unless I’ve been up for like 18+ hours and am suuuper tired , otherwise my mind races and I can’t fall asleep.. my days are like 28 hours long so I’m sometimes awake the whole night , sometimes the whole day... it’s all over the place .. I’m on heavy hair loss meds and I think I’m still going bald just from the stress alone.. ive never imagined that I could be Under this much stress, and be this empty, this (relatively) early in life.. my life is already over, and it never even started.
Last edited:
