Even if I landed a girlfriend tomorrow, and we did all the things couples did—kissing, hugging, hand-holding, sex, whatever—it won't change a thing. My mental state has deteriorated so much since I've discovered the blackpill that nothing can save me anymore. My only salvation is a bullet to the head. Nothing will save me. If I'm with a girl, I'll still have thoughts of how shallow females are, how much they whore around, the disgusting things they do... how superficial things like a few millimeters of bone on your face or how long your femoral bones are determine your value and worth as a man. There's literally no turning back for me. From here on out, I will only live to die. My life is a living death. Ayn Rand says a person who takes his own life takes it because he says "Man's life means so much to me that I will not settle for anything less. I will not accept a living death as a substitute," and I agree. I will not accept this state of "living."
And if you think about it, even the idea of life is very unnatural. There's a billion years before you're born, then you live for maybe 80 or so years, and then, after you die, there's a billion more years of nothingness and oblivion. 13.8 billion years here, 80 years, and 22 billion years there. That 80 years is ~0.0000002%. What difference does it really make if you cut your losses and end it now? It'll only save you pain and suffering.
I've been deprived of love for 18 years. And this isn't even applying it to only girls, this applies to platonic male friendships, acquaintances, someone I can talk with face-to-face. I've been deprived of that for almost two decades. And hey, I'm not entitled to that, you're right, but my point is being deprived of anything as basic as that would drive anyone insane. Imagine having had improper nourishment for the past 20 years. Besides physical implications, you would have experienced a form of neglect and child abuse. Or imagine being homeless for this many years. Your experience living on the street would not be good on your psyche. And all of these cases have a very bad life outlook.
I can see the finish line. It's close. I just need to push hard these last few steps, and it'll all be over. I would finally be able to rest.
And if you think about it, even the idea of life is very unnatural. There's a billion years before you're born, then you live for maybe 80 or so years, and then, after you die, there's a billion more years of nothingness and oblivion. 13.8 billion years here, 80 years, and 22 billion years there. That 80 years is ~0.0000002%. What difference does it really make if you cut your losses and end it now? It'll only save you pain and suffering.
I've been deprived of love for 18 years. And this isn't even applying it to only girls, this applies to platonic male friendships, acquaintances, someone I can talk with face-to-face. I've been deprived of that for almost two decades. And hey, I'm not entitled to that, you're right, but my point is being deprived of anything as basic as that would drive anyone insane. Imagine having had improper nourishment for the past 20 years. Besides physical implications, you would have experienced a form of neglect and child abuse. Or imagine being homeless for this many years. Your experience living on the street would not be good on your psyche. And all of these cases have a very bad life outlook.
I can see the finish line. It's close. I just need to push hard these last few steps, and it'll all be over. I would finally be able to rest.
