S
I don't know why but for the last 3 days or so I've been in a good mood and not feeling depressed or suicidal for for the first time in a long time.
Today I had a good work out, actually got some chores aroud the house done and I actually had some enthusiasm for the week ahead.
I just now got back from my weekly grocery trip and I'm absolutely destroyed.
Young beautiful women every where walking hand in hand with their boyfriends. All dressed in croptops and short shorts/ yoga pants. All looking cute as hell, smiling and giggling with their boyfriends.
I turn my head too look away only to see another happy couple. The girls are all so beautiful. This can't be real. There are never that many couples aroud and they usaly just walk next to each other with no PDA.
There must be some god or higher power that wants me to suffer. It knows when I am feeling better or starting to feel not so shit and alters reality to bring me back down.
"Hmmm he's feeling ok with him self today, well he's only going to work and home, no gym, no social life how can I bring him down? Ahhh I know, hes going for groceries on sunday, I'll make sure its filled with couples and I'll make all all girls super cute. That will bring him back down"
It's not even about sex at this point, I just want to know what its like to be loved, touched in an affectionate way, to hold hands and just have fun with a girl doing something as simple and mundane as grocery shopping. I see couples and my heart literally hurts, fuck it just seems so easy, so achievable, like a girlfriend is just out of reach.
Fuck what did I, or any of us do, to deserve this hell?
Today I had a good work out, actually got some chores aroud the house done and I actually had some enthusiasm for the week ahead.
I just now got back from my weekly grocery trip and I'm absolutely destroyed.
Young beautiful women every where walking hand in hand with their boyfriends. All dressed in croptops and short shorts/ yoga pants. All looking cute as hell, smiling and giggling with their boyfriends.
I turn my head too look away only to see another happy couple. The girls are all so beautiful. This can't be real. There are never that many couples aroud and they usaly just walk next to each other with no PDA.
There must be some god or higher power that wants me to suffer. It knows when I am feeling better or starting to feel not so shit and alters reality to bring me back down.
"Hmmm he's feeling ok with him self today, well he's only going to work and home, no gym, no social life how can I bring him down? Ahhh I know, hes going for groceries on sunday, I'll make sure its filled with couples and I'll make all all girls super cute. That will bring him back down"
It's not even about sex at this point, I just want to know what its like to be loved, touched in an affectionate way, to hold hands and just have fun with a girl doing something as simple and mundane as grocery shopping. I see couples and my heart literally hurts, fuck it just seems so easy, so achievable, like a girlfriend is just out of reach.
Fuck what did I, or any of us do, to deserve this hell?
