Attention youngcels, this is what awaits you
Middle School - Early High School
Always either dead last or not even included whenever there was one of those “hottest guy” lists in middle school
- “Eww...Creep!”
- “I don’t think I could ever be desperate enough”
- “The amount of Parrot bay I would need to drink to find you attractive would probably kill me”
- “Grow a foot and then come talk to me!”
- “I’m not into guys who can fit in my pocket” (I’m 5’6”...she’s was 5’2”-5’3”)
- “You look like an ugly monkey”
- “I thought you were gay!”
- “Are you sure you’re not gay?!...I have a gay friend who I can totally hook you up with!”
- “I don’t know what girl would ever date you”
- “You’ll be brave enough to come out of the closet some day”
- “If you were the last guy on earth I’d probably become a lesbian”
- “I’d rather make out with another girl than you”
- “How much do sex dolls cost anyway?”
Late High School - College
Post college:
- “You’re my best buddy!”
- “I though you were smart enough to realize I never liked you like that”
- “If I don’t need to look up to see you, I’m not interested”
- “You act like I owe you something...I told you from day one that I was using you!..I just don’t like sleeping alone!”
- “You’re the greatest person ever!...If only you were taller :/“
- “Look...I tried...I fucking tried!...I would rather be with an attractive asshole than an unattractive guy like you!....SORRY!”
- “I didn’t mean to lead you on...I just have a type that you couldn’t be further from...I hope we can still be friends tho”
- “Hey...I didn’t mean to act all flirty with you last night...I was super drunk and hope you didn’t get the wrong idea...My ex was there and I needed to show him that I’m over him....Truth be told we probably would have ended up hooking up if you weren’t there...Thanks
”
- a txt after some random party- “Him?!...NEVER!...He’s like a brother to me!”
- “Idk...You just make me feel...attractive...I would never date you but I like having you around...Does that make me a bitch?...I hope not :/“
- “You’re not gonna try to rape me are you?” -Random girl who had to sit next to me in class
Boss: “It’s been brought to my attention that you have been making a nurse here very uncomfortable...blah blah blah zero tolerance, sexual harassment policy, illegal...blah blah blah”
- “Hey...I had a great time but I feel like I can do better...You’re a great guy but I want things that you could never give me...I hope you understand”
Me: “Who?!...I don’t even know who that is!...I’ve never said a single word to her!...This is bullshit!”
Boss: “Zero tolerance blah blah Actions speak louder than words blah blah Perception is reality blah blah Her word against yours blah blah you’re Fired!”
“Helpful” advice from guy friends:
- “Wow...I didn’t think you were THAT short!!!...This SO isn’t gonna work out...BYE!” -Blind date my friend set me up on.
- “Just walk up to her and say “Hi” what’s the worst that could happen?”
- “Just try to pretend you’re not so socially awkward”
- “You’re obviously approaching the wrong type of women”
- “I’m only like 5” taller and never had any issues”
- “ So and so is Short/Ugly/Broke/ has Aspergers etc... and he has a girlfriend...Why can’t you get one?”
- “Don’t bother working out...You’ll just look like a tiny brick of muscles which won’t do you any favors...If I were you I’d try to slim down to nothing...At least that might make you look taller”
- “Why not go for fat, ugly women...I never would, but pussy is pussy right?”
- “Put yourself in her shoes...What do you bring to the table?...Why would any decently attractive woman want anything to do with you?...If you can’t lower your standards at least tenfold, I promise you’ll die alone”
- “I can’t help you anymore...I give you advice, tell you what to do and you still manage to fuck it up...I have dated tons of women and slept with at least 50...There is no helping you because you obviously know better than me...Just wait till the first wave of divorces hit...You might be an option then”
