View: https://www.reddit.com/r/Schizotypal/comments/zsbe68/i_will_never_be_independent/
u/dethtok12 hours ago
I will never be independent :/
I am basically en route to being a dependent housewife, and I’ve honestly been coming to terms with this.
I don’t think I can manage life. My dad basically pays for all my things. I had a full time job as a business analyst but it was WFH and I could hardly manage it, even though I would avoid doing work as much as possible so basically I was committing wage theft. I didn’t want to do that; I really felt unable to work but needed the money and tried but felt so inept. I’m so chronically dissociated (also have OSDD) that English becomes hard to comprehend, along with sorting things or organizing things mentally.
I live in my own house that my dad bought for me, and I can’t even take care of it. I also hate it. I don’t like my father because he was emotionally abuse and mostly incredibly neglectful throughout my life, especially contributing to my severe medical neglect throughout my teens years and he would just make snide comments while I was dying. So being around him triggers me, but I can’t get away from him either. I enter into dissociated states where I lose my mind around him and have this visceral hatred where I just want to punch him. It’s so unhealthy.
My entire family thinks I’m insane and difficult but they don’t realize I was my mom’s garbage can growing up and what life was like for me and is like for me now. People who aren’t my family like me and I’m easygoing. It’s just with my family that I become so different, and to them it’s more reason to treat me shitty.
Anyway I’m basically fucked. I’m doing a Masters right now and wanted a PhD but I don’t think I can do it. The disorder is getting worse. I get catatonic-like symptoms and can rarely think clearly. All the days melt into one. I’m acting weird with my colleagues accidentally and can’t function. I truly think I’m just gonna have to marry some older dude who likes messed up girls and become a housewife cause I don’t know what else is for me now.
I will never be independent :/
I am basically en route to being a dependent housewife, and I’ve honestly been coming to terms with this.
I don’t think I can manage life. My dad basically pays for all my things. I had a full time job as a business analyst but it was WFH and I could hardly manage it, even though I would avoid doing work as much as possible so basically I was committing wage theft. I didn’t want to do that; I really felt unable to work but needed the money and tried but felt so inept. I’m so chronically dissociated (also have OSDD) that English becomes hard to comprehend, along with sorting things or organizing things mentally.
I live in my own house that my dad bought for me, and I can’t even take care of it. I also hate it. I don’t like my father because he was emotionally abuse and mostly incredibly neglectful throughout my life, especially contributing to my severe medical neglect throughout my teens years and he would just make snide comments while I was dying. So being around him triggers me, but I can’t get away from him either. I enter into dissociated states where I lose my mind around him and have this visceral hatred where I just want to punch him. It’s so unhealthy.
My entire family thinks I’m insane and difficult but they don’t realize I was my mom’s garbage can growing up and what life was like for me and is like for me now. People who aren’t my family like me and I’m easygoing. It’s just with my family that I become so different, and to them it’s more reason to treat me shitty.
Anyway I’m basically fucked. I’m doing a Masters right now and wanted a PhD but I don’t think I can do it. The disorder is getting worse. I get catatonic-like symptoms and can rarely think clearly. All the days melt into one. I’m acting weird with my colleagues accidentally and can’t function. I truly think I’m just gonna have to marry some older dude who likes messed up girls and become a housewife cause I don’t know what else is for me now.
TL;DR: schizo foid fails at all life skills, but still counts on being able to attract some random beta provider guy as her backup plan.
