Foid feels entitled to her husband's money, reddit tells her to leave

[WastedPotential]

View: https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1ot5st1/my_husband_and_i_never_combined_finances_married/

My husband and I never combined finances (married 10 years so far). It felt empowering, but now I feel trapped and unequal.​

I’m 36F, married 10 years to my husband (38M). We’ve never combined finances. He originally proposed the idea because he’s in a field that gets sued a lot and said it’d be “safer” if we kept things separate(but now I’m seeing how thin of an argument that is). Generally I liked having my own money, no arguments, total autonomy.
Lately I’ve been seeing how much it’s actually limited me.
He makes about three times my salary, but I cover most of the daily life expenses: all utilities, medical bills, internet, kids’ expenses (except daycare), groceries (minus HelloFresh 2–3x/week), and one of two mortgages ($1k/month for raw land, no structures on it). I also hold all the benefits through my job and fund an FSA and HSA.
After everything, I’m left with around $800 in checking and about $4K in credit card debt that’s just from day-to-day life. I’ve done everything “right” long-term (fully funded retirement, Roths, invested HSA, great credit), but I have no short-term savings, and no access to any of his money.
The only connection to his finances is through my personal Amazon account linked to his card.
We’re in a marital property state, but in reality I have zero access. Every time I’ve brought up doing things more proportionally or combining bills, he says, “Just tell me what to buy.”
There’s also some emotional control stuff going on - nothing physical, but I’m careful what I bring up because it often turns into a fight or gets brushed off.
So I’m trying to find ways to quietly create a little security for myself: building a small cushion, paying off debt, stocking up on things that reduce my dependence. I’m in therapy and am planning to leave in the next 6 months but need some help.
ETA: we started dating at 17. I grew up in a tough household where my dad was controlling around money and went straight into an emotionally abusive relationship. Yes, I’m aware it’s messed up, hence the post. The CC debt is on a 0% interest card, all other cards get paid off monthly. Yes I’m in therapy.
I should also be more clear in my ask - I’m in an emotionally abusive relationship and am planning to leave. I need to know to try and build any sort of safety net with the resources I have.
I would also really appreciate any perspective from people who’ve navigated something like this both financially and emotionally.
ETA again: I’m a capable adult with a good job who’s raising children. I know and have tried all of the tactics in this thread. Healthy relationships with open communication function differently than abusive ones. That’s why I’m asking for advice on this specific situation. All of the “balanced, split the expenses proportionally”, “hand him the bill”, “give him a list” techniques have failed.

Get a good lawyer lined up ahead of telling him you're leaving is all I can say. They can help you understand your rights and how to go about it so that you're not worried about how to get your bills paid. You never know for sure how your husband is going to respond and you need to be prepared. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.

The entitlement is insane

 

[WastedPotential]

This is what awaits beta buxxers

 

[blackpillednigga]

you aren't entitled to finance sweaty

 

[sub5ricemale]

shoulda signed a prenup.

 

[DarkSneezer]

Reddit? Why is this blatantly sexist sub allowed?

 

[sub5ricemale]

Seeing men get fucked over during marriage is honestly life fuel knowing I won't deal with that (yes it sounds kinda cope)

A slave for the gynocentric system (who is probably also a massive white knight cuck as well) gets fucked over in life.

Normies getting fucked over is massive lifefuel

 

[Ambatukam Alone]

you aren't entitled to finance sweaty

 

[chudcel]

Toilets shouldn't be allowed bank accounts.

 

[DoomThreeKoala]

This is what awaits beta buxxers

 

[subindian]

she is being irrational , the man's point is as solid as my penis looking at sydney sweeney's tiddies. if you work in a field that gets sued a lot NEVER JOIN UP YOUR FINANCES, cause if she is involved she would also get into shit.

guy's trying to protect his wife from possible legal problems , foid along with all the delusional redditors think this is about control. cant these retards stop playing the victim for 2 seconds