Disillusioned
Banned
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- Joined
- Sep 18, 2018
- Posts
- 1,163
One of the comments:
"I find my story is positive. I hope other's find some positivity in my post.
I've had two beautiful kids, but I don't love them as their mother. I was a twenty-one year old and met a gorgeous and awesome guy. He was older (27) and already graduated law school and was working at a law firm. He was great. Smart. Very attractive and very fit. Despite this it was clear it wasn't a long-term thing. He, admittedly, didn't function well in relationships. However, I could tell he really loved and wanted kids.
So I offered to give him a child. Sounds strange, but even though I knew we wouldn't be together-and I knew I wasn't in love with him-I had a strong physical desire to give him kids. Again it was strange and kind of hard to explain. We talked about it and he eventually offered to pay for my college degree and give me some money (I won't say how much). He bought me health insurance and then we started trying. I got pregnant surprisingly fast.
I was on summer break for the first trimester so I traveled. I, thankfully, didn't have a difficult time carrying (giving birth was horrible) and I was just in school for the rest of my pregnancy. His mother was around a lot so that was cool. I didn't have to do anything really to prepare for the child. He worked constantly during (he was trying to earn as much as he could)' but we always had great sex and continued during the pregnancy. Mostly, I think this was stress thing.
I had a girl and once she was born her father was on cloud nine. I think this caused the second pregnancy, because, well we had a lot (a lot!) of sex right after. He begged me to carry the second pregnancy all the way through. So I did. I took a year off from school because I didn't want to graduate pregnant and I again got to travel. The second time seemed way easier and flew by. However, the second time around there was more distance between us. I had my own place and was flying around a lot and he was raising his daughter. The second child was a boy.
The kids are four and three now. They have a wonderful father and a great extended family. We have a great relationship and I know he is there for me should I need him.
I went back to school, graduated, and started my career. I've had some ok relationships. I relish in my freedom.
My parents get to see the kids frequently and if I am over there I see them. They call me by my first name. They are great kids, but I don't have a motherly love-type relationship with them. We've discussed eventually telling them I am their mother. He is ok with it because he doesn't think he'll ever get married so he doesn't see any conflict with other maternal figures. My son also looks a lot like me so they figure it out eventually."