with live music, a real band. I don’t know why but I walked over that night,
the two-and-one-half miles from my parents’ place. I stood outside in the dark
and I looked in there, through the wire-covered window, and I was astonished.
All the girls looked very grown-up, stately, lovely, they were in long dresses,
and they all looked beautiful. I almost didn’t recognize them. And the boys in
their tuxes, they looked great, they danced so straight, each of them holding a
girl in his arms, their faces pressed against the girl’s hair. They all danced
beautifully and the music was loud and clear and good, powerful.
Then I caught a glimpse of my reflection staring in at them—boils and
scars on my face, my ragged shirt. I was like some jungle animal drawn to the
light and looking in. Why had I come? I felt sick. But I kept watching. The
dance ended. There was a pause. Couples spoke easily to each other. It was
natural and civilized. Where had they learned to converse and to dance? I
couldn’t converse or dance. Everybody knew something I didn’t know. The
girls looked so good, the boys so handsome. I would be too terrified to even
look at one of those girls, let alone be close to one. To look into her eyes or
dance with her would be beyond me.
by Charles Bukowski
the two-and-one-half miles from my parents’ place. I stood outside in the dark
and I looked in there, through the wire-covered window, and I was astonished.
All the girls looked very grown-up, stately, lovely, they were in long dresses,
and they all looked beautiful. I almost didn’t recognize them. And the boys in
their tuxes, they looked great, they danced so straight, each of them holding a
girl in his arms, their faces pressed against the girl’s hair. They all danced
beautifully and the music was loud and clear and good, powerful.
Then I caught a glimpse of my reflection staring in at them—boils and
scars on my face, my ragged shirt. I was like some jungle animal drawn to the
light and looking in. Why had I come? I felt sick. But I kept watching. The
dance ended. There was a pause. Couples spoke easily to each other. It was
natural and civilized. Where had they learned to converse and to dance? I
couldn’t converse or dance. Everybody knew something I didn’t know. The
girls looked so good, the boys so handsome. I would be too terrified to even
look at one of those girls, let alone be close to one. To look into her eyes or
dance with her would be beyond me.
by Charles Bukowski
