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Fighting my mind 90% of the time

QuantumDummy

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Every day is a mental struggle just to feel fucking normal, I can't fucking stand this shit anymore. Why is my mind so god damn weak? Every little thing gets to me, every look, every word said, every interaction. I could be feeling somewhat normal for a couple of minutes, then some cunt can act rude toward me for a second and my mind reverts back to feeling like shit, insignificant.. ugly, ugly, UGLY. 

This is fucking unbearable. When I say I have to fight my mind I mean both physically and mentally. I'll jerk my body in response to try and get my thoughts in order or to shake them away. I'm trying, everyday I'm fucking trying. I look to emulate people with strong mindsets, Eastern Europeans for example. I look at Fedor Emelianenko, a famous Russian MMA fighter that seems like he could fight the world on his own. I can't do this. 

When I'm walking and people look at me I get pissed, but when people don't look at me or look away quickly I feel even worse, it only strengthens my idea of being ugly. What kind of backwards ass thinking is that? I'm fighting my own body, my facial reactions and the gestures I make, which way I turn my head or how I walk, every fucking day. 

I refuse to go down the road of medications like a lot of my family members did. I want to win this battle on my own, but it seems hopeless. Why can't I be different, fine I'm ugly, but do I have to be mentally weak as well? WHY?
 
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As an incel you are your worst enemy
 
QuantumDummy

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incelman said:
As an incel you are your worst enemy

I don't know how not to be. Do you experience the same things?
 
BiraCEL

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I mean whats the point of being mentally strong? No family of your own to support, physical items have no meaning and life has no meaning. Theres nothing to work towards or for as an incel.
 
QuantumDummy

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BiraCEL said:
I mean whats to point of being mentally strong? No family of your own to support, physical items have no meaning and life has no meaning. Theres nothing to work towards or for as an incel.

I want to be mentally strong for myself. I don't want to feel weak and be scared of confrontation and try to be on everyone's good side because I can't stand the idea of being disliked. I don't want to care about other people's opinions, not only for short amounts of time, but permanently. It would take all the tension off my brain.

If I'm doomed to be incel because of my looks I don't want to feel like a big pussy on the inside as well. I can't stand feeling in my head that when people see me they snap their heads away because I'm unattractive. 

What I'm doing now to offload my brain is completely avoiding making eye contact with anyone. There's this other weird idea I have where I hate looking at people, even for a second, because I feel like I'm giving them attention, when I get no attention from anyone. That's how fucked up my brain is.

The funny thing is when I observe people outside, for the most part, they're all doing the same thing to each other. No one's really staring at anyone or even bothering ackknowledge their existence. Meanwhile in my little sissy brain I WANT people to look at me as if I'm attractive, it feels personal when they look and snap their heads away or completely ignore me. I'm aware that something isn't right with me.
 
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QuantumDummy said:
I want to be mentally strong for myself. I don't want to feel weak and be scared of confrontation and try to be on everyone's good side because I can't stand the idea of being disliked. I don't want to care about other people's opinions, not only for short amounts of time, but permanently. It would take all the tension off my brain.

If I'm doomed to be incel because of my looks I don't want to feel like a big pussy on the inside as well. I can't stand feeling in my head that when people see me they snap their heads away because I'm unattractive. 

What I'm doing now to offload my brain is completely avoiding making eye contact with anyone. There's this other weird idea I have where I hate looking at people, even for a second, because I feel like I'm giving them attention, when I get no attention from anyone. That's how fucked up my brain is.

Why? Life wasn't made for incels. No one can me happy dying in a room alone with no one around them. Its why people like us are statistical outliers and why carousel riders that hit the wall try to settle
 
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BiraCEL said:
Why? Life wasn't made for incels. No one can me happy dying in a room alone with no one around them. Its why people like us are statistical outliers and why carousel riders that hit the wall try to settle

Because even though logically I KNOW there's no hope for me, there's this fucking misplaced sliver of an idea that's crammed into my subconscious that I have a .01% chance of getting a girl some day.. This idea is exacerbated if a girl looks at me when passing, or if I look at one and she puts her head down or fidgets with her hair (which happened the other day). 

Then all it takes is one chick to act rude toward me, completely ignore me (99.9% do), or treat me a certain way, and that idea dies for the time being. It's absolute torture on my brain and like I said, I'm fighting my thoughts and perspective on a daily basis. I'll also say I'm never gonna be the guy a girl settles for, rather die alone.
 
whogivesafucc

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QuantumDummy said:
Every day is a mental struggle just to feel fucking normal, I can't fucking stand this shit anymore. Why is my mind so god damn weak? Every little thing gets to me, every look, every word said, every interaction. I could be feeling somewhat normal for a couple of minutes, then some cunt can act rude toward me for a second and my mind reverts back to feeling like shit, insignificant.. ugly, ugly, UGLY.
This is fucking unbearable. When I say I have to fight my mind I mean both physically and mentally. I'll jerk my body in response to try and get my thoughts in order or to shake them away. I'm trying, everyday I'm fucking trying. I look to emulate people with strong mindsets, Eastern Europeans for example. I look at Fedor Emelianenko, a famous Russian MMA fighter that seems like he could fight the world on his own. I can't do this.
When I'm walking and people look at me I get pissed, but when people don't look at me or look away quickly I feel even worse, it only strengthens my idea of being ugly. What kind of backwards ass thinking is that? I'm fighting my own body, my facial reactions and the gestures I make, which way I turn my head or how I walk, every fucking day.
I refuse to go down the road of medications like a lot of my family members did. I want to win this battle on my own, but it seems hopeless. Why can't I be different, fine I'm ugly, but do I have to be mentally weak as well? WHY?


Were we separated at birth? Your first couple sentences is literally how I feel every single day too, it's fucking insane. I take everything personally as well.
 
QuantumDummy

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whogivesafucc said:
Were we separated at birth? Your first couple sentences is literally how I feel every single day too, it's fucking insane. I take everything personally as well.

Yea, I'm surprised this post didn't get a couple of more replies, I thought a lot of these fucks could relate lol. I wrote that just as I was in the heat of the moment, so it came from the heart. 

I don't want to be this way. I try to change the way I think every fucking day but it's more like I try to put myself in someone else's mindset, instead of trying to strengthen my own and be my own person. Which of course I have no clue how to do. It really sucks but that's an understatement.
 
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QuantumDummy said:
Yea, I'm surprised this post didn't get a couple of more replies, I thought a lot of these fucks could relate lol. I wrote that just as I was in the heat of the moment, so it came from the heart. 

I don't want to be this way. I try to change the way I think every fucking day but it's more like I try to put myself in someone else's mindset, instead of trying to strengthen my own and be my own person. Which of course I have no clue how to do. It really sucks but that's an understatement.

Trust me, u need to stop fapping and start 
cultivating self respect.
I know these feelings all too well.
 
QuantumDummy

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jvreturns said:
Trust me, u need to stop fapping and start 
cultivating self respect.
I know these feelings all too well.

I don't think beating off is the root of my problems and you make it seem like cultivating self respect is easy. I've let myself get walked over a bunch of times in my life, and until this day I'm too nice and try not to say the wrong things for fear of being disliked or confronted.

There's nothing to respect, I'm a fuckup.
 
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QuantumDummy said:
I don't think beating off is my the root of my problems and you make it seem like cultivating self respect is easy. I've let myself get walked over a bunch of times in my life, and until this day I'm too nice and try not to say the wrong things for fear of being disliked or confronted.

There's nothing to respect, I'm a fuckup.

It was the root of the issue. At least in my case.
Before fapping I had complete control over my mind.
I always stood up or myself or ignored assholes, their words never bothered me.

When I started fapping then all hell broke loose and my mind became weak as hell
and I took on every single negative comment which made me bitter and hateful.

Whenever I practice self nofap, my mind gets stronger
and people's words dont affect me much anymore.
If you dont care what they say or do you are not being walked over
since those people will have no power over u.
 
whogivesafucc

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jvreturns said:
QuantumDummy said:
I don't think beating off is my the root of my problems and you make it seem like cultivating self respect is easy. I've let myself get walked over a bunch of times in my life, and until this day I'm too nice and try not to say the wrong things for fear of being disliked or confronted.
There's nothing to respect, I'm a fuckup.
It was the root of the issue. At least in my case.
Before fapping I had complete control over my mind.
I always stood up or myself or ignored assholes, their words never bothered me.
When I started fapping then all hell broke loose and my mind became weak as hell
and I took on every single negative comment which made me bitter and hateful.
Whenever I practice self nofap, my mind gets stronger
and people's words dont affect me much anymore.
If you dont care what they say or do you are not being walked over
since those people will have no power over u.


fucking this.....FUCKING THIS. holy shit, your comment literally just lit a fire in my head, i have had the same experiences but im too weak-willed to stop fapping. something is desperately wrong with me tbh
 
QuantumDummy

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jvreturns said:
It was the root of the issue. At least in my case.
Before fapping I had complete control over my mind.
I always stood up or myself or ignored assholes, their words never bothered me.

When I started fapping then all hell broke loose and my mind became weak as hell
and I took on every single negative comment which made me bitter and hateful.

Whenever I practice self nofap, my mind gets stronger
and people's words dont affect me much anymore.
If you dont care what they say or do you are not being walked over
since those people will have no power over u.

I actually have done nofap for 2 or 3 week runs a couple of times (did a month run a while ago). I do remember feeling a little more clear headed. I'll have to try it again, I guess.
 
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QuantumDummy said:
I don't know how not to be. Do you experience the same things?

Yes. My mind and body are fixated towards fucking but my soul knows that it's over.
 
StemCel137

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