Feel really tired these days, not sure why. Maybe depression? Although my overwhelming feeling isn't sadness, it's more like apathy. But the major thing is that I just feel physically drained all the time, it's hard getting started with things, even the steps of showering, dressing, going outside, seem like a lot. They almost have this intimating quality to them where getting started is a hurdle.
There's also an element of brainrot, even typing out this post, it doesn't feel like my best typing, it feels hard to form concise and meaningful sentences instead of long and rambling ones, or short and somewhat meaningless ones. Somehow it feels difficult to integrate the recent past and the present into some kind of a narrative about how I am feeling or how I am doing recently.
Somewhere deep down, I know that these things (shower, going outside) are part of what will help me to feel better, but it's difficult to overcome the tiredness when I don't see any "light at the end of the tunnel" on the other side of all those things. I think ultimately, I need to "just do" all these things, even if I feel too tired or drained. I know I've been in this type of a pattern before- feeling drained, not wanting to do anything, then eventually bringing myself to do things. But I honestly can't remember if doing things helped. I think it's part of the brainrot, this inability to remember those things. I will try my best.
There's also an element of brainrot, even typing out this post, it doesn't feel like my best typing, it feels hard to form concise and meaningful sentences instead of long and rambling ones, or short and somewhat meaningless ones. Somehow it feels difficult to integrate the recent past and the present into some kind of a narrative about how I am feeling or how I am doing recently.
Somewhere deep down, I know that these things (shower, going outside) are part of what will help me to feel better, but it's difficult to overcome the tiredness when I don't see any "light at the end of the tunnel" on the other side of all those things. I think ultimately, I need to "just do" all these things, even if I feel too tired or drained. I know I've been in this type of a pattern before- feeling drained, not wanting to do anything, then eventually bringing myself to do things. But I honestly can't remember if doing things helped. I think it's part of the brainrot, this inability to remember those things. I will try my best.
