in the first 12 years of life, i was a rebellious kid. i got sent to the prinicipal's office before. i got sent home once. i used to steal things in 2nd grade at one point or throw the trash in the bathroom everywhere. i used to break things by accident. when i was 12 i did some really rebellious shit or daredevil shit. then in my teens, my peers became more rebellious than me. even in their 20s, people will have sex in public and do other badass shit, whereas as a teen they sneak out at night or use fake IDs. I HAD NO IDEA PEOPLE USED FAKE IDs OR SNUCK OUT AT NIGHT UNTIL I WAS 23 OR SO. I was shocked as fuck and the fact that i didn't even KNOW shows how much i lacked social integration as a teen. i never got drunk for the first time or smoked weed until i just hit my mid 20s. i never snuck out at night or used a fake id. i never could have sex or do anything. i had a pretty sheltered life after age 12 ended.
my peers? their life was sometimes like a movie, it just won't seem that way to them because it's the average life. for me, it seems like a movie. my life seems like solitary confinement or quarantine compared to them or without even a comparison my life is that way.
my kid self seemed like the kid who grows up to do what my peers did or even more extreme. he never seemed like a guy who was forced by his autism into a risk averse life.
i miss my original self.
my peers? their life was sometimes like a movie, it just won't seem that way to them because it's the average life. for me, it seems like a movie. my life seems like solitary confinement or quarantine compared to them or without even a comparison my life is that way.
my kid self seemed like the kid who grows up to do what my peers did or even more extreme. he never seemed like a guy who was forced by his autism into a risk averse life.
i miss my original self.
